Tag: tim drake

Interventions at the Manor…

Alfred: *wearing a mask and carrying a vacuum cleaner*

Dick: *putting on gloves*

Jason: *filling a black garbage bag with piles of… What are these, Timbo?*

Damian: *pinching his nose and looking around in pure disgust*

Tim: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can’t get rid of it.

Dick: It’s not and you have to.

Jason: Everything you own is trash.

Damian: You’re basically a hoarder, Drake.

Tim: *chugs a mug of coffee and stains his three-day-old shirt further*

Tim: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.

At a Batfamily meeting…

Red Robin: *nudging and whispering* How’d you do that?

Red Hood: *whispering back* Do what?

Red Robin: *sounding impressed* You were, like, ten feet away from the brat.

Red Hood: *sounding innocent* What are you talking about?

Red Robin: *smirking* I know what I saw.

Red Hood: *grinning* What did you see?

Red Robin: *shrugging* I don’t know. Nothing.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

A little while later…

Damian: ….

Damian: -Tt-

Damian: TOOOOODDDDDDDD!

Dick: …

Tim: *two black eyes and a broken arm*

Damian: *three missing teeth*

Dick: *sighs and gestures to two chairs in front of him*

Dick: Why don’t you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I’ll explain to you why you’re both wrong.

Mornings at the Manor…

Tim: *covering a bruised eye*

Dick: *hugging him consolingly*

Jason: *heading to the refrigerator to grab an ice pack while trying to suppress his laughter*

Bruce and Alfred: *glaring disappointedly*

Damian: *guarding a platter of tofu* It’s not my fault I’m bad at sharing! I skipped kindergarten!

When your eldest brother asks you to look after his Blüdhaven apartment while he’s away on a mission…

Red Robin: Oh, come on, Dick’s a grown man. He can take care of himself.

Red Hood: *opens the refrigerator to reveal a bottle of curdy milk, a half-eaten sandwich, and a bowl of soggy Cheerios*

Red Hood: *looking unimpressed* You really believe that?

When Tim met Damian (an alternative version)…

Damian: *spots Tim sleeping by the Batcomputer* -Tt-

Damian: *nudges him* Wake up.

Tim: *wide-eyed and looking around the Batcave in a panic*

Tim: *wiping slobber off his face* Who in the world are you?

Damian: I’m your new brother.

Tim: Are you from the orphanage or do I really not undersand how babies are born?

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

But you do understand how Robins work, right?

Mornings at the Batcave…

Tim: *downing a cup of espresso* Okay, we all know why we’re here, right?

Dick: *still in just boxer shorts, yawning and shaking his head*

Jason: *groans* No. Why?

Tim: To fight Damian, the bully. That tiny tween has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can’t promise you victory. I can’t promise you good times. But the one thing I do know –

Dick and Jason: *head back to the Manor*

Tim: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!

Family Patrol Night…

Batman: *setting up surveillance equipment on the rooftop*

Robin: *watching the traffic down below while perched atop a gargoyle*

Nightwing: *balancing on the ledge (y’know, upside-down and on one hand, the yoosh)*

Red Robin: Jay, I have a riddle for you. What’s the sound of one hand clapping?

Red Hood: Piece of cake. *opens and closes his fist quickly, which makes a faint sound*

Red Robin: No, man. It’s a 3000-year-old riddle with no answer. It’s supposed to clear your mind of conscious thought.

Red Hood: No answer? Timmy, listen up. *quickly opens and closes his fist again*

Batman: Hn. *smirks*

Nightwing: *giggles and almost loses his balance*

Robin: -Tt-

Tim: *whispering* What’s your hurry?

Jason: *grabbing his leather jacket and kicking three-day-old garbage underneath the sofa* This place is depressing.

Dick: *yelling from the kitchen* Hey! I live here!

Jason: *yelling back* And I’m sure it’s a blast once you get used to it!

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

Maybe if you cleaned up once in a while before these family visits, Nightwing…