(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)
Dick:
It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
Gentle disciplinarian.
Jason:
Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”
Tim:
Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).
Damian:
Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.
“If a Kryptonian with a mass of… hmmm… give or take 103 kg, is at rest on a 45-degree incline…” *holding up a poorly drawn illustration of what looks like a stick figure with a red “S” on his chest atop said inclined plane*
[to the teenage girl who’s been ogling him since the session started] *tapping the notepad with a pencil* “Okay, eyes over here, young lady.”
Makes his students giggle endlessly because of his puns and silly examples
Spends extra time in reaching out to his troubled students and, if called for, approaches their parents (who trust him quite a lot)
Jason
Perhaps the most patient one of all (because apparently he enjoys mentoring someone)
Also the most structured one (thanks to his own study habits as a youngster before he – y’know)
Holds free group/one-on-one study sessions for street kids in Gotham community centers (in which he also includes anti-bullying and anti-drug abuse talks), with meals and school supplies sponsored by the Wayne Foundation
“Don’t beat yourself up too hard, kid”
Tim
Field trips to the Gotham City Library, S.T.A.R. Labs, Atlantis, etc. (”Like the saying goes, experience is the best teacher. Just maybe don’t, uh, tell your parents, alright?”)
Very adept at simplifying complex theoretical concepts (and his cheesy mnemonics are a hit!)
Invites his fellow Titans to hold group study sessions for students, especially when final exams are approaching
Enjoys hanging out with his students outside of tutorials (and secretly patrols their schools to make sure they’re safe)
Damian
His lesson plan includes the literary works of Machiavelli and Tolstoy (and that’s just for 4th graders)
Rewards (”Should you ace this exam – and by ‘ace’ I mean perfect it – then you will be entitled to watch me defeat a supervillain in the flesh”) and punishes (”An A minus! No creamy, frozen dessert for you!”)
[Student] *crying* [Him] “… PENNYWORTH!”
Finds that spending time with other young individuals has given him a second chance at being a kid (which he would never admit to anyone, of course)
Flirtatious, even when he doesn’t mean to be (or perhaps the warmth in his voice, in his tone, makes you think so)
Ends up as a “therapist” once in a while
“Sure, I’ll call you sometime… Got your number right here.”
Jason
[You] “Hello? Are you still there?” [Him] *takes his hand off the mouth receiver and coughs up cigarette smoke* Yuuup yup yup, hold on a sec – *nondescript background noises* – So about that vacuum cleaner –
Actually admits how much the product he’s selling sucks and recommends better options
Tim
Disguise Master Extraordinaire (so much so that one minute you believe you’re speaking with Jeremy Irons, then Fran Drescher the next… Huh?)
Explains product features too thoroughly (making you wonder how many degrees you need to have or memes to be familiar with to understand what he’s saying)
Damian
“Sir, you would be an idiot not to – Did you not hear what I just – What did you just say to me – How dare you, you fool! – I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, SIR –” (and make no mistake, he does)
He’s reported, he’s fired, and he’s all, “MY FATHER OWNS THIS STUPID COMPANY!”
– • – • – • – • –
So, @lilakriger , did hilarity indeed ensue?Thank you for the suggestion!
Requires all employees to regularly attend team building/group therapy sessions, many of which he himself leads (though most don’t feel “obligated” to because they actually like him and his programs)
Spends majority of his time at work mediating between his brothers, honestly
Jason
Chief Security Officer
One of the main reasons the entire company can sleep soundly at night
He’s thought of everything – from shatterproof glass windows to extensive financial protection strategies to protocols to take down shady bystanders dressed as clowns to –
Tim
Chief Executive Officer
Deserves an award for putting up with a certain member of the Board of Directors, who he reports to
Would rather stay cooped up in his office, working overtime, than travel abroad or go golfing with other executives (and his personal assistant deserves an award for the daily number of “coffee runs” done in his behalf)
Damian
member of the Board of Directors (alongside Bruce, who, in spite of constantly having to deal with headaches caused by arguing with his youngest son, cannot deny the teenager’s business acumen)
“You were saying?”, he says as he glowers at another member who’s clearly perturbed by the cow standing beside him at the head of the conference table
Vlogs about mundane, day-to-day stuff, like his frustration with chafing in a full bodysuit or what it’s like growing up in a huge family
Replies to comments on his videos once in a while, which makes him even more endearing to his followers
Titans, in civilian wear, coming in and out of view (Wally: *yelling from the kitchen* D, you still gonna eat this?)
Jason:
Weapons – care, reviews, “Top 10” lists, demos
Witness protection-level of facial blurring and vocal disguise, and a disclaimer at the beginning of each video to discourage the young’uns from watching his stuff
“Gotta go” *abruptly shuts the camera off as Bruce’s shadow enters the frame*
Tim:
Life hacks, conspiracy theories, reviews of obscure music albums, meme meta-analyses
Videos uploaded during the wee hours of the morning (with him sometimes forgetting that he’s still wearing his blood-soaked uniform that’s tattered to the point of being unrecognizable)
“Thank you for attending my TED Talk” *finger guns, winks*
Damian:
Meditation techniques, wildlife conservation discussions (guest-starring Selina and his pets)
Leadership “seminars” with Jon (who’s constantly rolling his eyes or snickering), sparring sessions with Duke and his Batsisters, baking tutorials with Alfred
“Father, I need your opinion on – Father! Wait, don’t – Come back – BRUCE –”
Often mistaken for the instructor. That’s understandable – He’ll help anyone who looks like they’re having a tough time.
He’s… distracting. For obvious reasons.
But, actually, it’s his positive energy that’ll make you keep coming back to finish the grueling regimen.
Will sometimes come in wearing a very loud outfit that screams “80s” because he knows that it amuses some people, then backs it up with a few Flying Grayson-esque stunts.
JASON:
The one that other gym rats steer clear of.
He’s basically a shadow in a dark corner of the gym pumping 200 lb of iron with one arm while smoking a cigarette with the other.
What’s with the bright green liquid in his blood-stained water bottle?
As “mythical” as he seems, he’s actually adorably polite to the employees. (They swear they’ve caught him wink at them.)
TIM:
The one wearing a Bluetooth headset and a watch monitoring all his vital signs.
Pre-installed surveillance cameras that feed information directly into his laptop, which he’s constantly checking out as he works out.
The other board members of Wayne Enterprises have no idea that he’s actually on the treadmill while on an online conference with them. (Pretty fit, Timmy!)
*referring to the stuff in his water bottle* “Oh, this? It’s, um, pure liquid caffeine.”
DAMIAN:
“Whose kid is this?” a staff member announced, right before his finger broke “inexplicably”. (It never happened again.)
If people steer clear of Jason, they’d rather not come in at all when they know it’s this little guy’s day.
You know that thing when the person next to you’s so condescending that he can’t help but smirk loudly and mutter “weak” every time he sees you break a sweat, but you can’t really do anything about it because he’ll growl at you (and who knows what else)? Yeah.
Besides, it’s uncomfortable every time his cat (Pennyworth, is it?) sits on your face while you’re trying to bench-press.
(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)
Dick:
It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
Gentle disciplinarian.
Jason:
Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”
Tim:
Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).
Damian:
Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.
Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier
Jason:
Most likely to stick to the grocery list
But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady
Tim:
Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)
Damian:
Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list
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