Batman: *runs after a parademon and into a boomtube*
Robin: *watches in horror as the boomtube closes*
The Flash:
Green Lantern:
The Flash: He left his kid here! He’s got to come back!
Green Lantern: Would you come back for that kid?
The Flash: He’s never coming back.
All kidding aside, we know how far Bruce would go to get Damian back.
Red Hood [to Batman]: My past is divided between things I can’t remember and things I don’t want to, and you’re both!
On Red Hood’s reputation as a violent hothead…
Dick: Jason may be prickly and crusty on the outside, but inside he’s all soft and gooey… Kind of like a pudding-filled cactus.
Way to sully his reputation, Richard.
Partying at the Manor while Batman’s away on an interplanetary Justice League mission be like…
Tim: *wiping vomit off his face*
Tim: I’m never gonna drink again.
Jason: Quitter.
Dick: Jason!
Jason: Oh, right. *slaps Tim on the back* Atta boy!
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *cooking*
Bruce: *reading the Gotham Gazette*
Dick: *balancing a pile of saucers on his index finger*
Tim: *fast asleep and drooling on the kitchen table*
Damian: *feeding Titus*
Alfred: *picks up the recipe book Jason’s using*
Alfred: “Cooking for Dummies”, Master Jason?
Jason: No offense, Timbo! I’m actually cooking for everybody.
“How to Get Kicked Out of the Safe House” by Roy Harper…
Roy: *approaches Jason’s bed at 2 AM*
Jason: You’re wearing pajama bottoms, right?
Roy: Shh…
Jason: Exactly how drunk are you?!
Roy: *spoons Jason*
Roy: Both questions asked and answered.
A rebellious Robin? Tip of Batman’s fatherhood iceberg…
Bruce: *finishing up his “lecture”*
Damian: -Tt- Whateve.
Bruce: “Whateve”? Are you now so lazy that you can’t even be bothered to finish words?
Damian: What’s your prob? Won’t you be happy if I just make it into eighth grade? I mean, isn’t that the whole point of seventh?
Bruce: No, that is not the whole point of seventh. And, yes, I’d be thrilled if you’re not left back.
Damian: So, relax. It’s all good.
Bruce: Hn. Don’t you mean it’s all “goo”?
When you’re a salty wedding guest…
At Bruce and Selina’s wedding reception…
Usherette: So, are you a friend of the bride or the groom?
Jason: Well, the groom is my father, so… the bride.
When you realize that your brother is in need of some serious help…
Jason: *reading from a self-help book that Harley Quinn gave him*
Jason: “You’re angry and resentful. But what you need to understand is that resentment is the mortar that holds the bricks of loneliness together in a wall of alienation and despair”. Chapter 3, “Knocking Down the Wall”.
Tim: Bite me. That’s Chapter 1 in my forthcoming book entitled, “Bite Me”. Chapter 2 is called “Kiss My Pale White Ass”.
Tim: *drinks his seventh espresso shot*
Telling a shrink about your recurring dreams during your stint at Arkham Asylum be like…
Harley: This man ya keep seein’ is a father figure.
Jason: “A father figure”? I said he’s warm, nurturing, and supportive. The words “toxic Bat-douche” did not pass my lips.
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