source: two and a half men – Page 5 – incorrect-batfamily-quotes

When Red Hood met Superboy…

Tim: *standing in between Jason and Conner* I won’t allow you to hurt my best friend!

Jason: Calm down! You finally found a friend. Do not screw it up.

Dick and Jason: *watching Tim on his 46th hour in a row working on the Batcomputer*

Jason: Is he prone to mental breakdowns?

Dick: Prone? No. Eligible? Certainly.

When you’re your best friend’s keeper…

Jason: *enters the safe house and accidentally steps on some beer cans on the floor*

Jason: Are you drinking?

Roy: Just the occasional glass with dinner.

Jason: Huh. And how many dinners have you had today?

Roy: Three. So far.

Chatting with a rogue you just caught to pass the time while en route to Arkham Asylum be like…

Harley: … non-familial relationships.

Batman: Hn. Why didn’t you just say “friends”?

Harley: I gots the diplomas, Bats! I like to use ‘em.

Outside Black Mask’s warehouse full of fuel tanks…

Red Hood: *lights up a match*

Red Robin: Jason, if you do what I think you’re going to do, I swear I will never speak to you again.

Red Hood: Really? Then, by all means, tell me exactly what you think I’m going to do.

During Robin’s first week at the Titans Tower…

Starfire: What is wrong with him?!

Nightwing: Nothing organic. We’ve had him checked.

See, working with Damian Wayne is what you’d call “acquired taste”.

Tim [about Tam]: She broke up with her ex-boyfriend. She said she didn’t want to go backwards.

Jason: In what multiverse is dating you not going backwards?

Tim: I know. This guy must be all kinds of messed up.

Dick: You eat a lot of fish. Aren’t you worried about mercury?

Jason: Dick, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, getting struck by lightning, and being murdered by a clown (again). Guess which one I’m rooting for?

Why Batman got the ol’ silent treatment during patrol that night…

Four hours ago, at a Wayne Foundation gala…

Senator: You have wonderful sons, Mr. Wayne.

Bruce: Yes, I do. But Dick, Tim, and Damian must never learn of them.

Senator and Bruce: *pompous laughter*

Dick, Tim, and Damian: …

Batman:

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

Batman: I’m –

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *grapple-hook away*

Lighten up, boys. It was just one glass of champagne too many.

Also, Jason’s legally dead, so he’s like, “Meh”.

Independence from your adoptive father be like…

Nightwing [to Batman]: After all these years, I finally move out of the Manor, and within two days, I burn my new apartment down. You can’t write this stuff.