“Fatherhood for Dummies” by Bruce Wayne…
Dick: You’re writing Damian a check? What kind of gift is that?
Bruce: You told me he likes Transformers toys. This check transforms into any toy he wants.
Tag: source: two and a half men
“Fatherhood for Dummies” by Bruce Wayne…
Dick: You’re writing Damian a check? What kind of gift is that?
Bruce: You told me he likes Transformer toys. This check transforms into any toy he wants.
After finding out that Red Hood’s a former Robin…
Superman: I know this comes as a shock to you –
Batman: Please, Clark. If I had a nickel for every time one of my sons died, got resurrected by an assassin overlord’s daughter, and came back as a lethal antihero, I’d haVE A NICKEL!
He’s, uh, stressed, Clark.
Jason: *picks up a piece of paper by the phone*
Jason: Timbo, what’s this? A phone message?
Tim: Yeah. Some dude called for you.
Jason: Who? I can’t read your handwriting.
Tim: *reads the message out loud* “You’re a big, selfish jerk.”
Jason: Okay, I know who it is.
Tim: Probably Roy.
Jason: Yup, Roy.
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *disarming the security system at a criminal compound* Uhhh, what do I have to do for you?
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: *taking down a group of henchmen* Just promise to be sad at my (second) funeral.
Red Robin: *hacking into the control tower mainframe* Do I have to cry?
Red Hood: *activating the timer on an explosive device attached to a chain link fence* No.
Red Robin: *downloading top secret evidence onto a hard drive* Will there be food?
Red Hood: *running away from the site* Yes.
Red Robin: *reclining on the computer chair as he waits for said download to finish* Can I bring a date?
Red Hood: *BOOM*
Red Hood: *static*
Red Hood: *panting* You’re just screwing with me now, right?
Red Robin: *grinning* How does it feel?
Batman: The depths of your degeneracy continue to astound me.
Red Hood: Really? Still?
At the Manor…
Jason: It’s because of you that Tim doesn’t want to come here anymore!
Damian: Good. Tell me what I did so that I can do it to you.
Tam: *entering the Wayne Enterprises building*
Tim: *fidgeting with his double-breasted suit*
Tim: *closes his eyes for a second, then exhales*
Tim: Do I look okay?
Jason: Timbo, she waved at you, she smiled. Clearly her standards aren’t that high.
Tim: Right, thanks.
Batman: Alfred, I don’t pay you to mock me.
Alfred: Master Bruce, you’d have to pay me not to.
And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…
Dick: *baking cookies (Alfred’s recipe)*
Jason: *playing with Titus*
Damian: *arrives from Gotham High*
Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen island*
Dick: …
Jason: …
Damian: *takes a seat on a stool, buries his face in his hands, and groans*
Dick: Soooo… How’s school?
Damian: *muffled* Okay.
Dick: Anything noteworthy happen?
Damian: *muffled* No.
Jason: *throws his hands up in the air* I thought you said he got dumped!
Dick: *through gritted teeth* I was easing into it.
Jason: Oh. Okay, go ahead.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
It’s tie.
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