That one time Roy got a part-time job at a fast food restaurant…
Dick: What’s your soda refill policy?
Roy: All you can drink, if you buy a jumbo cup.
Wally: Careful, Roy. That’s how I bankrupted a Pizza Hut.
Tag: source: the simpsons
Why Dick is Damian’s favorite older brother…
Tim [about Damian]: In a way, I think we learned more from him than he learned from us.
Jason: Well, obviously. Because we taught him nothing.
Damian: I can’t believe Todd ruined another family barbecue!
Jason: *offended* Hey! Everybody pees in the pool!
Tim: Not from the diving board!
Alfred [about Damian’s piano recital]: Master Bruce, you have to be there! You’ve missed much too many precious moments in the children’s lives.
Bruce: What? Name twelve.
Raising a Robin…
Bruce: Alfred, Jason’s having girl troubles. You’d better go talk to him.
Alfred: It’s clown troubles, Sir. That’s your responsibility.
Bruce: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and “dying pets”?
Alfred: Yes. Well, we’re adding clowns.
Bruce: Hn. Fine. But you just bought yourself “ear piercing” and “strange new feelings”.
Damian [on the Comm Link]: Todd, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Red Hood: *reloading his guns while hiding behind barrels as bullets whizz past him* Uh, isn’t this the kind of thing Alfred’s better at?
Damian: I called him. He’s not home. I also tried Father, Grayson, Drake, Brown, Thomas, and the Commissioner, Barbara’s father.
Red Hood: *twisting a criminal’s arm and throwing another across the wall* Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.
And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…
Jason: *reading the newspaper*
Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen counter*
Damian [about Gotham Academy]: I can’t believe I have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.
Jason: Hey! Who taught you language like that?
Damian: A kid at school.
Jason: So you did learn something.
Jason: How many times must I say I’m sorry?
Tim: You haven’t said you’re sorry.
Jason: I know. I was hoping the number would be zero.
When you humor your 13-year-old League of Assassins-raised brother at his second chance at childhood…
Damian: *pretends to pour tea for Alfred the Cat, Batcow, Jerry the Turkey, Goliath, and Jason*
Jason: *facepalms* I don’t know why I agreed to this.
Damian: *glares* Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.
Jason: Oh, you’re right. *“sips”*
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim: *drinking his twelfth cup of coffee* If Jerry the Turkey didn’t belong in the oven, then why did he fit?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Dick and Jason race to save their little brother’s beloved pet (lest the War of the Century begin in the Wayne household).
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