Why he sometimes regrets inviting colleagues to his kids’ recitals…
Bruce: *weeping with pride as Cass dances on stage* My daughter, my daughter…
Oliver: Come on, Bruce, she’s not that bad.
Tag: source: the simpsons
Batman [to a criminal]: *gripping him tightly by the collar* You think you’ve got guts? Try raising my kids!
He’s… tired, Mr. Criminal.
Robin: Todd, I’m going to jump off this skyscraper.
Red Hood: You know, kid, as the only adult here, I feel like I should say something.
Robin: What?
Red Hood: Cool!
Batman: *lying on a gurney in the Batcave*
Superman: Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, Alfred?
Alfred: Hmm. Better let him rest up a while first.
Superman: Bruce, admit it. You just can’t say no to anyone. That’s why you have eight kids.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
… And counting.
When asked about his daily routine…
Batman: Hn.
Batman: I go on patrol from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep for six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Alfred’s passive aggressive comments about my social life, then I’m off to Wayne Enterprises, fresh as a daisy.
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim: *drinking his twelfth cup of coffee* If Jerry the Turkey didn’t belong in the oven, then why did he fit?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Dick and Jason race to save their little brother’s beloved pet (lest the War of the Century begin in the Wayne household).
When your adoptive father asks you what he has to do to earn your forgiveness…
Red Hood: Look, Bruce, the least you can do is let me do anything I want.
Mornings at the Batcave…
Tim: *downing a cup of espresso* Okay, we all know why we’re here, right?
Dick: *still in just boxer shorts, yawning and shaking his head*
Jason: *groans* No. Why?
Tim: To fight Damian, the bully. That tiny tween has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can’t promise you victory. I can’t promise you good times. But the one thing I do know –
Dick and Jason: *head back to the Manor*
Tim: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
When Batman grounds you for all the shenanigans you pulled with your super best friend…
Damian: You can’t keep Jon and me apart! I’ll… I’ll disobey!
Bruce: I’m also Jason Todd’s father. Do you think you’ve got any tricks I haven’t seen?
Bruce: *leaves room*
Damian: *climbs out of a third story window, slides down a tree, and lands in a wheelbarrow being pushed by Bruce*
Bruce: Hn. Jason Todd: Age 14.
Bruce: *drags Damian back into the Manor by the scruff of his Robin uniform*
Jason: *comes out of a hidden door in the tree*
Jason: Jason Todd: Age 19. Mwahahahaha!
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