Red Hood: I guess I am a criminal…
Red Robin: Bruce didn’t call you a criminal, he called you a little boy in need of love.
Red Hood: A LITTLE BOY?! *punches the wall* I’ll show him what this “little boy” can do!
Tag: source: the simpsons
When asked about his daily routine…
Batman: Hn.
Batman: I go on patrol from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep for six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Alfred’s passive aggressive comments about my social life, then I’m off to Wayne Enterprises, fresh as a daisy.
Dick [about Roy]: Well, do you ever take an interest in anything he does?
Jason: Well, we used to have burping contests, but I outgrew it.
Why you think twice before trolling the World’s (Second) Greatest Detective…
Tim: What have you done with my report?
Jason: I’ve hidden it. To find it, you’ll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than –
Tim: Got it!
Jason: D’oh!
Batman: *narrows eyes* Now, what are you up to?
Red Hood: Whatever happened to “hi”?
Batman: Hi. Now, what are you up to?
Why Dick is Damian’s favorite older brother…
Tim [about Damian]: In a way, I think we learned more from him than he learned from us.
Jason: Well, obviously. Because we taught him nothing.
Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!
Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]
Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.
[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]
FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
When another one of your best friend’s “brilliant” ideas somehow leaves you both stuck in a maze…
Red Hood: Maybe we should split up.
Arsenal: Split up? Jaybird, no! We can fix this partnership!
Red Hood: No, no, I didn’t mean –
Arsenal: Fine! You want out? Then, go! I can make it on my own. Before I met you, I had other friends and dreams.
Red Hood: I was talking about –
Arsenal: Oh, please take me back! The solo vigilante scene is a nightmare! I’m begging you!
Red Hood: I just meant we should split up to get out of this maze…
Arsenal: Deep down, I – I guess I knew that.
Red Hood: Now, there must be a way out –
Arsenal: Of our partnership? I don’t want to live! *runs off screaming*
Red Hood: *sighs*
Red Hood: *opens a hidden doorway and exits*
Batman [to the rest of the Justice League]: Nobody form any opinions while I’m gone.
Green Lantern: *rolls his eyes* Well, hurry. We have no minds of our own.
Why Batman disdains out-of-town supervillain lairs (or taking his sons with him all at once)…
Nightwing: Turkey farm?
Red Hood: No.
Red Robin: Skunks?
Red Hood: No.
Robin: Slaughterhouse?
Red Hood: No.
Catwoman: What are you boys doing back there?
Red Robin: We’re playing “What’s That Odor?”.
Robin: Father’s feet?
Batman: Hn. Damian.
Red Hood: You win, Dami.
Batman: Jason.
Nightwing: Are we there yet, Bruce?
Batman: I’ll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.
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