Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: All right, brat. I’ll give you back your tofu, but first you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Damian: No.
Jason: All right, then just give me back my breakfast.
Damian: *pauses from giving Batcow the omelette and glares at Jason*
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Ya started it, Jay.
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: Hey, hands off my pickle, brat!
Damian: I don’t see your name on it, Todd!
Jason: No, but – *grabs the pickle and licks it*
Damian: Oh, yeah? *grabs it back and dunks it in his milk* Checkmate.
Jason: Huh. Always thinking two moves ahead.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Quit playing with your food, kids.
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *pours Damian a cup of coffee* Sugar?
Damian: Yes, ten lumps, please.
Tim: *with bloodshot eyes and shaking uncontrollably* Hey, Golden Boy, top me off!
Dick: Are you sure Alfred still lets you drink coffee, Tim?
Tim: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
And for the last time, Timothy, no.
When your billionaire father’s also a vigilante who doesn’t have time to ponder how much gifts for teenagers cost…
Tim: Bruce, um, can I have some money to buy Damian a birthday present?
Bruce: Here you go.
Tim: *counts the money* Bruce, this is $110!
Bruce: Oh, sorry. *hands him the whole wallet*
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
Maybe he’s trying to keep you from sneaking out and going to Kent Farm at 3 AM again? *shrugs*
Wayne Foundation gala…
Alfred: Now, look, boys, the mayor is going to be at this fête, so I want you to show your father some love and/or respect.
Damian: Tough choice.
Jason: I’m picking respect.
When the Batmobile goes missing…
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: *strips off the gag covering Jason’s mouth* I asked you to watch over your little brother.
Jason: *tied to the gigantic Joker card* I tried to stop Damian, but he overpowered me!
Not obvious enough, Bruce?
When asked about his daily routine…
Batman: Hn.
Batman: I go on patrol from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep for six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Alfred’s passive aggressive comments about my social life, then I’m off to Wayne Enterprises, fresh as a daisy.
Sending your son away on a mission be like…
Batman: Wait, Jason. I have something for you.
Batman: *hugs him tightly*
Red Hood: Awwww.
Red Hood: I was hoping it would be money.
Nightwing: Bruce, we, um… We did something very bad.
Batman: Did you wreck the Batplane?
Red Robin: No!
Batman: Did you raise the dead?
Robin: Yes!
Batman: But the plane’s okay?
Nightwing: Uh-huh…
Batman: All right then.
Look, your father’s very tired, boys…
Meanwhile, somewhere in Nanda Parbat…
Red Hood: *covered in Lazarus Pit fluid* What the f–
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