When you’re only starting to realize just how particular your best friend is about everything…
Roy: Jason says he’s moving out of the safe house.
Damian: What did you do? Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?
Roy: No.
Tim: Did you take a Band-Aid off in front of him?
Roy: No.
Dick: Did you buy generic ketchup? Forget to rinse the sink? Talk to him through the bathroom door?
That one time Superboy cried because Robin wouldn’t accept his birthday present for him…
Kara [about Jon]: Well, Damian, you are his best friend. Friends give each other presents.
Damian: I accept your premise; I reject your conclusion.
Tim [to Kara]: *whispering* Try telling him it’s a non-optional social convention.
Kara: What?
Jason: Just do it.
Kara [to Damian]: It’s a… non-optional social convention.
Damian: Ah. Fair enough. *takes the gift and walks away*
Dick: *grins* He came with a manual.
Tim: *stress-eating his fifth Spudnut*
Tim: Now that I’m actually about to go out with Tam, I’m not excited, I’m nauseated.
Damian: Then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid, which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion.
Dami, sweetie, you’re not helping.
When you make fun of your little brother for not being born “conventionally”…
Damian: You see, I’m a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock.
Jason: And what do you mean by “mediocre stock”?
Damian: That would be you.
Barbara: Jason, can I speak to you alone for a minute?
Jason: Why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me alone? Usually no one wants to be alone with me.
Playing Hide and Seek at the Manor be like…
Damian: Count me out.
Dick: What? Why?
Damian: You want me to use my skills in a tawdry competition. Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
Dami, sweetie, you’re 10.
When you and your brothers take the Batmobile out for a spin without permission and it breaks down in the middle of nowhere…
Nightwing: Come on, guys, push!
Red Hood: If I push any harder, I’m gonna give birth to my colon!
Robin: I can’t feel my fingers! Hurry up!
Red Robin: It’s the same amount of work no matter how fast you go! Basic physics!
Red Hood: Timmy, if my fingers ever work again, I’ve got a job for the middle one.
The last time Damian was ever allowed set foot inside the Red Robin Nest…
Damian: *scrutinizing a piece of equipment on display*
Damian: What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium-neon?
Tim: It would blow up!
Damian: Are you sure?
Tim: Pretty sure.
Damian: Pretty sure? That’s not very scientific. Is this how you normally work? Just hunches and guesses and stuff?
BEWARE The Robin…
Tim [about Damian]: Do you know what he did??? He watched me work for ten minutes and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me!
Dick: Is that even possible?
Tim: As it turns out, yes.
That one time Robin, as their self-appointed leader, made a motion to change the Teen Titans’ team name…
Robin: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures, thus intimidating one’s opponent.
Beast Boy: Then we could be the Bengal Tigers!
Robin: Poor choice. Gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the Army ant.
Beast Boy: Maybe so, but you can’t incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 