When your adoptive son gets insecure…
Bruce: Dick, I wasn’t prepared to raise a kid like you. There’s no manual on how to raise a child who just lost both his parents. If there were, I would have read it a hundred times, cover-to-cover, because I loved you from the moment you stepped into the Manor. I just didn’t know how to show you.
… So you just encouraged him to fight crime alongside you? (Also, be careful, Batman. Declarations of love to Nightwing earn you the biggest tackle-hugs.)
When you finally go on a date with that mysterious hottie you met on Tinder…
You: *batting eyelashes* Just tell me a story from your life that highlights your unique personality.
Jason: I once spent a year without touching a door knob.
Until his younger brother broke him out of wherever he was at the time using an override code that expired at midnight.
After giving Batman a status update…
Nightwing [on the Comm Link]: I’d take my comms out, too, if I were you. He sounded mad.
Red Hood: *click*
Red Robin: *click*
Robin: -Tt- *click*
Wow. You boys didn’t even give it a second thought.
Mission debriefing…
Batman: *scrolling through the previous night’s news headlines on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin:
Batman: *sighs*
Red Hood: What could we do? It’s not like we could just walk into a criminal enterprise and start looking around.
Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin: *erupt in obnoxious laughter*
Keep your father’s white hairs coming, boys. Keep ‘em coming.
The Flash: My life expectancy is at ninety years. My life is more than a third over.
Batman: Want to trade?
Because it really does seem that Bruce’s life expectancy is infinity. (Also, you could just keep traveling back in time, Bar.)
“Injustice 2″…
Batman [to Superman]: One other sad thing is, Clark, you’re still the best friend I’ve ever had.
Red Hood: Artemis isn’t mine to let go because we’re friends. We’re co-workers.
Bizarro: Red Him am not right. Not am Bizarro’s mistake. Bizarro not keep forgetting because of the way Red Him look, feel, and talk about Red Her.
When your brotherly instincts kick in…
Tim: I guess that’s why I want to protect the little guy, too.
Jason: Well, you don’t get any more little than Damian.
Not that Robin needs it, but that’s awfully sweet of you, boys. (Maybe just don’t let him hear you talking about him.)
Nightwing: Just trust me, Wal.
The Flash: How can I trust someone who just made a nuts-and-seeds pun?
When you find an unexpected guest in your youngest brother’s room at the Manor…
Red Hood: *slumped on the couch in Damian’s room* He’s eleven. I’m babysitting. I can’t leave him alone.
Tim: You were scared to travel at night by yourself.
Red Hood: Shouldn’t you be sleeping?
Well, if there were a billion-dollar contract out for your capture, wouldn’t you be?
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