Jason: *tosses a small package* First time you’ve ever held a grenade?
Duke: *catches it with trembling hands* Yes. It was never really a goal of mine.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
This is not how you “bond” with a new family member, Jay.
Tag: source: rookie blue
Red Hood: *walks into the Batcave and heads directly to the Medical Bay*
Tim and Damian: *yelling insults at each other*
Red Hood: *reaches out for the bandages and grimaces in pain as he straightens his bleeding leg*
Tim and Damian: *take their argument into the Medical Bay and start grabbing surgical tools to throw at each other*
Red Hood: *pulls them apart by the scruff of their necks*
Red Hood: I’ve been shot at, thrown out of an airplane and generally mistreated by a lot of bad guys. This bickering is pretty much more that I can take. I’m going outside to get some fresh air. When I get back, you two better be calmed down or we’re breaking out the ball gags.
Superman: Think of hanging out with Hal as an opportunity to step outside your comfort zone. Try something new.
Batman: Hn. If I wanted that I’d go do Zumba.
When your adoptive father has guests over at the Manor…
Hellblazer: Judging from that banging sound, there’s a ghost in your closet.
Red Robin: That’s good news. I’ll never be lonely again.
Jason: *tosses a small package* First time you’ve ever held a grenade?
Duke: *catches it with trembling hands* Yes. It was never really a goal of mine.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
This is not how you “bond” with a new family member, Jay.
Batman: Do you know what I hate most in the world?
Red Hood: Kittens? Laughter?
Arsenal: Is it true that Batman has retractable fangs?
Red Hood:
Red Hood: Yes.
Batman: *typing away on the Watchtower’s mainframe computer while rest of the Justice League excitedly pack for their annual team building trip*
Green Lantern [to The Flash]: I can’t even picture Bats on vacation. I bet he doesn’t even own shorts.
See, playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne goes on vacation all the time. Reclusive vigilante Batman? Not so much.
Batman: *walks into the Watchtower’s Hall of Justice*
Batman: *narrows his eyes* Hn.
Batman: *slowly turns on the light*
Everyone: SURPRISE, BRUCE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *confetti explosions, colorful bat-shaped balloons, tooting horns*
Batman: *wide-eyed, open-mouthed, and motionless*
Wonder Woman: *checks him for a pulse*
Superman: *whispers in his ear* I know it’s your specialty, but let’s try not to overthink this one, okay?
Aww, you guys! Don’t scare him like that.
When your prodigal son lays down his guns, takes off his red hood, and comes back to the Manor for a while…
Batman: *clutching his chest* I… I feel like I’m go- going to explode into a m-million shiny p-pieces, Alfred…
Alfred: *grinning* I believe that’s called “joy”, Master Bruce.
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