Batman: *walks into the Watchtower’s Hall of Justice*
Batman: *narrows his eyes* Hn.
Batman: *swiftly turns on the light*
Everyone: SURPRISE, BRUCE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *confetti explosions, colorful bat-shaped balloons, tooting horns*
Batman: *wide-eyed, open-mouthed and motionless*
Wonder Woman: *checks him for a pulse*
Superman: *whispers in his ear* I know it’s your specialty, but let’s try not to overthink this one, okay?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Aww, you guys! Don’t scare him like that.
Tag: source: rookie blue
When you’re new to the crime game and pick the wrong city to start playing in…
At a Gotham precinct…
Criminal 1: *with two black eyes and in handcuffs, newly booked and seated next to another criminal in handcuffs*
Criminal 2 [about Batman]: *grinning and missing three teeth* Did he follow you down an alley and jump on you, too? He does that.
Bruce and Dick: *arguing in the Batcave*
Tim [to Alfred]: Is it weird that I find the sound of their bickering comforting?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Because bickering means their family’s on speaking terms, safe for now, still alive.
Batmobile: *screeches to a halt in front of Selina’s apartment building*
Bruce: *comes out in a partially unbottoned dress shirt and a skewed necktie, holding a bouquet of petal-less roses*
Selina:
Bruce: *grins sheepishly*
Selina: What use is a jet-powered vehicle with missle launchers if it can’t get you to a dinner reservation on time?
Superman: Think of hanging out with Hal as an opportunity to step outside your comfort zone. Try something new.
Batman: Hn. If I wanted that I’d go do Zumba.
Batman: *walks into the Watchtower’s Hall of Justice*
Batman: *narrows his eyes* Hn.
Batman: *swiftly turns on the light*
Everyone: SURPRISE, BRUCE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *confetti explosions, colorful bat-shaped balloons, tooting horns*
Batman: *wide-eyed, open-mouthed and motionless*
Wonder Woman: *checks him for a pulse*
Superman: *whispers in his ear* I know it’s your specialty, but let’s try not to overthink this one, okay?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Aww, you guys! Don’t scare him like that.
When your prodigal son lays down his guns, takes off his red hood, and comes back to the Manor for a while…
Batman: *clutching his chest* I… I feel like I’m go- going to explode into a m-million shiny p-pieces, Alfred…
Alfred: *grinning* I believe that’s called “joy”, Master Bruce.
Arsenal: Is it true that Batman has retractable fangs?
Red Hood:
Red Hood: Yes.
Batman: Do you know what I hate most in the world?
Red Hood: Kittens? Laughter?
Jason: *tosses a small package* First time you’ve ever held a grenade?
Duke: *catches it with trembling hands* Yes. It was never really a goal of mine.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
This is not how you “bond” with a new family member, Jay.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 