Tag: source: parks and recreation

At a candy store…

Clerk: Oh, we don’t accept… *carefully examines bill* “Bat-dollars”, sir.

Damian: That is the most powerful piece of paper in the world! Of course you’ll accept it. Accept it.

In which it dawns on Damian that his brothers have been shi**ing him the whole time (and that Jason and Tim better hide – and hide well – if they want to stay alive).   

When your adoptive father reprimands you for blowing up yet another hometown monument…

Red Hood [to Batman]: Look, am I proud of it? Yes, because Gotham City sucks. Is it the classiest move? Yes, because Gotham City sucks. Would I do it again? Yes, because Gotham City sucks.

But you know you love it anyway, Jay.   

GCPD Officer: I’m sorry, is your name “Timothy”? *writes it on his pad*

Red Robin: No, it’s “Tyymothyy” with four y’s. It used to be “Timothy”, but then I decided to re-brand myself. Oh, wait, it’s Xanax o’clock.

Just taze him to sleep, Officer. He needs it badly. His family will support you.

GCPD Officer: First name?

Red Hood: Jason.

GCPD Officer: Last name?

Red Hood: Done.

GCPD Officer: Is that your name or are you telling me that you’re finished talking?

Red Hood: Both.

GCPD Officer: Huh. Done and Done.

Undercover mission at a Gotham City home for the elderly…

Tim: *whispering* I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to have a weapon in a place full of old people.

Jason: *whispering back* Literally everything is a weapon, Tim. These dentures in my hand are far deadlier than that staff on your back.      

Sending your son (when your other sons are unavailable) on a mission be like…

Red Hood: *yelling as his motorcyle speeds out of the Batcave* This will be blown way out of proportion! You have my word on that, Bruce!

Batman: *facepalms*