Tag: source: parks and recreation

Picking Halloween costumes be like…

Roy: Can we please make you into a princess?

Jason: No.

Roy: I think it would make Lian happy.

Jason: Why does that matt – Shut up.

That’s why you’re her favowite uncle, Jay.  

When Alfred’s away on vacation and you’ve got to do the grocery shopping yourself…

Bruce [to clerk]: I would like twelve eggs…

Bruce: *tries to read Dick’s smudged handwriting on his palm* … and part of a dead animal. Dealer’s choice. Please and thank you. 

Jason: *walks into Tim’s bedroom* Hey, Timbo –

Jason: *gags and bends over to catch his breath*

Jason: It smells like some vomit took a dump in here.

In which the stench leads Alfred from the kitchen to his location.

Training sessions at the Batcave be like…

Batman: *powers off the villain generator*

Batman: *watches as his sons get up from the various places they ended up in, dust off their bloody and singed suits, and groan in pain*

Batman: …

Batman: Well, this simulated disaster is a total disaster.

Alfred: *goes upstairs to grab some tea and medical supplies*   

And it’s this familiarity with homemade disasters that makes the Robins experts on the field.

When your little brother asks you how to get “street cred”…

Jason [to Damian]: The next thing you’ll want to do is ditch the feline and get yourself a proper canine. Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.

In which it’s a good thing Red Hood’s got a helmet to hide all the claw-shaped scratches on his face. 

Green Lantern: Mr. Wayne, I want to do things the Batman way.

Batman: Wonderful. First rule. No conversation lasts longer than a hundred words. You have used ten. I just used nineteen.

Batman: *walks away*

There, there, Simon. It’s not you. He’s just had quite a history with Earth Lanterns.