Selina: I love Bruce, but I don’t know about him raising a child.
Dick: He raised me.
Selina: Well, now you’ve put me in an awkward position.
Tag: source: modern family
Nightwing: *tying up a criminal*
Nightwing: Sorry I aggravated you. But just so you know, a lot of people think I’m adorable.
Tim: *wearing a Superboy t-shirt and standing majestically with his chest heaving after sprinting for dramatic effect*
Dick: *cups his hands into a voice amplifier* It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
Jason: *walks past them to grab a can of beer from the fridge* It’s super out of breath.
Tim: Happy Halloween to you, too.
Mar’i: *cradling a dead bird and sobbing*
Jason: I’ve been through this before, Sweetheart. When your Uncle Damian was fourteen, I was supposed to take care of his parakeet. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
Mar’i: DAAAADDDDYYY!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Dick (reluctantly) reconsiders caffeine-addicted Uncle Tim for babysitting.
Post-patrol Movie Night at the Manor…
Now Showing: “Under the Red Hood” (2010)
Red Robin: Are you… crying?
Red Hood: *vigorously wiping away his tears using Tim’s cape* What are you, a robot? It’s a deeply emotional movie!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Oh, sorry, did it say “movie”? I meant family home video.
At the Watchtower…
Justice League: *watching surveillance, Youtube and news footage on the mainframe computer*
Batman: *walks into the room and sees Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin and Lark (and a bunch of burning buildings and screaming citizens) on the screen*
Superman: *arms crossed*
Wonder Woman: *hands on hips, shaking her head*
Aquaman: *raises an eyebrow*
The Flash: *wide-eyed*
Green Lantern: *biting his lip to suppress a smirk*
Cyborg: Wo-ho-hoooooo.
Batman: Hn.
Batman: Whatever they did, add it to my tab.
Batman: *walks out*
And if you were convinced that Batman went back to work at the Watchtower after walking calmly and collectedly out of that room, then you probably didn’t even consider that he’d run to the teleporters at top speed to get back to Earth and do damage control (a.k.a. give his kids a piece of his mind).
When your detective of a father asks you and your brothers what happened to the Batmobile…
Bruce [to Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian]: *narrows eyes*
Bruce: Usually, when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.
Red Robin: If you can’t beat ‘em, drone ‘em.
–
Too soon?
“Too soon?” *glances at Batman, who’s sobbing silently in a dark corner of the room* Yeah, probably.
Bruce trying out a new parenting strategy…
Bruce: *reading the newspaper* Well, good morning, David.
Damian: David?
Bruce: I know you’re not my well-behaved son, Damian, who’d never take the Batmobile out without a license and get arrested.
Tim: *walks in on Dick and Jason excitedly discussing the previous night’s events*
Tim: *wiping dried-up drool off from his face and onto his coffee-stained pajamas*
Tim: What party?
Jason: Aw. The two saddest words in the English language.
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