Tim: I’m sick of you always having an edge just because you’re cruel and I’m smart and I’m concerned about consequences. I can be just as vicious and shortsighted as you!
Damian: Oh, yeah? *sarcastically* I’m really scared. Why don’t you just –
Damian: *realizes that his hand is stuck to his forehead *
Damian: *gritting his teeth* Drake, what did you do?
Tim: *holds up a tube of Super Glue* I sank to your level. And I have to say, it feels good.
Tim finally learns to enjoy life and to stop overthinking things…
Dick [on the Comm Link]: Tim, you gotta help me. Is there a scientific way to prove if ice cream can be used as sunscreen?
Tim: What’s the flavor?
Dick: I don’t know.
Tim: Is it chocolate?
Dick: I don’t know. Why are you asking? Is it going to be different if it’s chocolate?
Tim: No. I just like chocolate.
Dick: Uhhh, Tim? You didn’t find that coffee can in the garage by any chance, did you?
Jason [to Tim]: This is an official apology. I’m a horrible person and I’m sorry. What I did was horrible, even by our standards. And, let’s face it, we’ve set the bar very low.
While Thomas Wayne, the Flashpoint Batman, is visiting his son Bruce, the current Batman…
* Jason and Tim are both clutching a live grenade with the pin missing *
Dick: Grandpa, we have to call the League!
Thomas: No! No Justice League! *grabs and throws away Dick’s earpiece*
Thomas: There’s no reason to panic.
Damian Yes, there is! You gave Todd a live grenade and he’s a total idiot!
Jason: He’s right, I am!
While Thomas Wayne, the Flashpoint Batman, is visiting his son Bruce, the current Batman…
Jason: Grandpa, I’m not going to hit you!
Jason:
Jason: *sighs* No grandkid should ever have to say that.
Tim: Hey, you can tear up the Batcave if you want – with Batman here – and explain it to him, or you can quit and slink away like the monosyllabic mouth-breathers you are.
Conner: What did he say?
Bart: He said a lot of things!
When you’re trying to turn over a new leaf but your brothers miss the “chaotic-but-fun” you…
Jason: What is that?
Tim: *wiggles his eyebrows* Looks like a fuse.
Jason: All right, what exactly are you planning?
Dick: We’re planning to get you back. We want our brother back, the way he used to be.
Damian: Todd, we are well aware of how much you used to like fire, explosions…
Damian: *hands Jason a lighter*
Jason: *stares at it*
Jason: Nice try. That was a long time ago.
Tim: Really?
Jason:
Jason: *looks at the fuse again*
Jason: So, where does this go?
Dick: Well, I suppose you could find out by crawling over the fence and following the fuse. Or you could find out… *grinning* the Jason way.
Tim: We’re sure that you’ll make the right decision.
Jason: Guys, I’m telling you. Things are different now! I’m an adult, I have responsibilities. I’m just not a sixteen-year-old maniac anymore who –
Jason: *hears a click, then sees that his hand has already flicked the lighter on and is holding it to the fuse*
Jason: Huh. Interesting.
Dick [to Tim]: I don’t believe it…. You’ve turned into Bruce!
Tim: Yeah? Well, sometimes Bruce’s right.
Jason: You take that back!
Torn apart furniture. Food and some sort of ink (or is that blood?) smeared all over the walls and carpets. A scorched living room ceiling. Tim tries to explain what happened to a visiting Conner…
Tim: It would take hours to explain the psychology of this event, so I’ll just simplify.
Tim: *points at Damian* “Dynamite”.
Tim: *points at Jason* “Kid with matches”.
Tally posted on the Wayne Manor refrigerator…
Sass-Off Points:
Team Alfred – 62,437
Team Bruce & Kids – 0
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