Tally posted on the Wayne Manor refrigerator…
Sass-Off Points:
Team Alfred – 62,437
Team Bruce & Kids – 0
Tag: source: malcolm in the middle
Torn apart furniture. Food and some sort of ink (or is that blood?) smeared all over the walls and carpets. A scorched living room ceiling. Tim tries to explain what happened to a visiting Conner…
Tim: It would take hours to explain the psychology of this event, so I’ll just simplify.
Tim: *points at Damian* “Dynamite”.
Tim: *points at Jason* “Kid with matches”.
Dick [to Tim]: I don’t believe it…. You’ve turned into Bruce!
Tim: Yeah? Well, sometimes Bruce’s right.
Jason: You take that back!
When you’re trying to turn over a new leaf but your brothers miss the “chaotic-but-fun” you…
Jason: What is that?
Tim: *wiggles his eyebrows* Looks like a fuse.
Jason: All right, what exactly are you planning?
Dick: We’re planning to get you back. We want our brother back, the way he used to be.
Damian: Todd, we are well aware of how much you used to like fire, explosions…
Damian: *hands Jason a lighter*
Jason: *stares at it*
Jason: Nice try. That was a long time ago.
Tim: Really?
Jason:
Jason: *looks at the fuse again*
Jason: So, where does this go?
Dick: Well, I suppose you could find out by crawling over the fence and following the fuse. Or you could find out… *grinning* the Jason way.
Tim: We’re sure that you’ll make the right decision.
Jason: Guys, I’m telling you. Things are different now! I’m an adult, I have responsibilities. I’m just not a sixteen-year-old maniac anymore who –
Jason: *hears a click, then sees that his hand has already flicked the lighter on and is holding it to the fuse*
Jason: Huh. Interesting.
Tim: Hey, you can tear up the Batcave if you want – with Batman here – and explain it to him, or you can quit and slink away like the monosyllabic mouth-breathers you are.
Conner: What did he say?
Bart: He said a lot of things!
Jason [to Tim]: This is an official apology. I’m a horrible person and I’m sorry. What I did was horrible, even by our standards. And, let’s face it, we’ve set the bar very low.
Tim: I’m sick of you always having an edge just because you’re cruel and I’m smart and I’m concerned about consequences. I can be just as vicious and shortsighted as you!
Damian: Oh, yeah? *sarcastically* I’m really scared. Why don’t you just –
Damian: *realizes that his hand is stuck to his forehead *
Damian: *gritting his teeth* Drake, what did you do?
Tim: *holds up a tube of Super Glue* I sank to your level. And I have to say, it feels good.
While Thomas Wayne, the Flashpoint Batman, is visiting his son Bruce, the current Batman…
Jason: Grandpa, I’m not going to hit you!
Jason:
Jason: *sighs* No grandkid should ever have to say that.
Expectation vs. Reality…
[Expectation] Dick: Bruce, I know what you’re going to say, and believe me, I totally agree with you. There is no excuse for what I did. It was idiotic, immature, totally reckless, and I’m really sorry. I’m just hoping against hope that you will give me another chance, which I admit I don’t deserve. If you could just find it in your heart to forgive me, I know I could earn your trust back.
[Reality] Jason: It’s not like it was even the Batmobile!
When Batman (inexplicably) asks Hellblazer to watch over his sons while he’s away on a mission…
Nightwing: *comes in through the front door of the Manor*
Hellblazer: Ah, the Golden Boy has returned. Release the doves!
Nightwing: Hi, Mr. Constantine.
Red Hood: *breaks a window in the foyer and climbs in*
Hellblazer: And you must be the second Robin. I have been thoroughly briefed on you and if you do one thing wrong, I’m going to go medieval on your arse.
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