The Flash (Barry): *breathes*
Green Lantern (Hal): Just so you know, bud, you’re creating six different timelines.
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Catwoman: *drags a finger down his suit and purrs* I’m turned on by how logical you are.
Batman: *stoically* I’m comforted by your shiny ears and facial symmetry.
Duke: *walks into the living room*
Duke: *sees the aftermath of his brothers’ Monopoly game*
Duke: *yells to no one in particular in the Manor* Will someone please call all the ambulances?
Ranting about your best friend be like…
Superman: This awkward silence during patrol has been going on for days, Diana!
Wonder Woman: *rubs his shoulder consolingly*
Superman: Granted, Bruce looks amazing when he broods, but this has got to stop!
Sneaking into a criminal mastermind’s lair on a remote island be like…
Superboy: *shudders* Creepy.
Robin: I don’t know… Add more bats and a dinosaur and this is my father’s cave.
So, remember that issue wherein your adoptive father laughs at something you say (and you eat burgers by the Batmobile afterwards)…?
Red Hood [to Batman]: As long as you’re happy… I’m unsettled.
Introducing yourself to a criminal mastermind you just caught be like…
Red Robin: I’m a detective. Clues are my weapons.
Red Hood: And I’m Red Hood. *cocks both guns* Weapons are my weapons.
Making home videos with your family be like…
Jason: *setting up his camcorder*
Jason: Dick, I have to make some adjustments to my film. You’ll play my father.
Dick: I don’t want to be your father!
Jason: Perfect! You already know the lines.
And somewhere in the Manor, Bruce accidentally chokes on his coffee.
“And I don’t need your adult angst.”
At the Wayne Manor attic…
Dick: *dramatically walks out from behind a dusty, old cabinet wearing his 80’s Nightwing suit*
Jason: *clears his throat loudly*
Tim: *standing absolutely still but with shoulders shaking*
Damian: *jaw drop*
Duke: *eyes wide, covering his mouth*
Dick: You guys think I’m some sort of a joke!
Jason, Tim, Damian, and Duke: *break into a fit of laughter*
Jason: *wiping tears off his eyes* This isn’t disproving that theory.
At Gotham Academy…
Tim: I’m Damian Wayne’s emergency contact.
Teacher: So, you’re here to pick him up?
Tim: I’m here to be removed as his emergency contact.
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