source: brooklyn 99 – Page 11 – incorrect-batfamily-quotes

At a Batfamily meeting…

Bruce: So, how do you all blow off steam? Does anyone have any complaints about the work environment?

Steph: No, no. We usually just gossip.

Hal: I’ve never seen Bruce look so upset before. He looks like a sad block of granite.

Barry: What are we gonna do? How do you cheer up granite?

At a Batfamily reunion in Wayne Manor…

Bruce: Hello, party people. Dick told me to say that.

Dick: Yeah, I did. Ain’t no party like a Bruce Wayne party because a Bruce Wayne party is a total surprise to everyone.

Jason: Fine! Here’re my guns and knives. *slides them across the Batcomputer*

Bruce: I don’t need those. You’re not suspended yet. You’re on administrative leave.

Jason: You never let me do anything cool!

Batman sends Red Robin out to investigate and report on Shazam, who’s currently in child form..

Tim: Are you a minor? How old are you?

Billy: 610. I’m a Highlander.

Tim: Okay, you know what? I’m going to put that in there, and then you’re going to be tried as an adult Highlander, and they’re going to cut your head off. Is that what you want?

After Red Hood accidentally falls off a roof while in pursuit of a suspect and screams “Dad!” at Batman…

Bruce: Do you see me as a father figure, Red Hood?

Jason: No. If anything, I see you as a bother figure, because you’re always bothering me.

Dick: Hey! Show Batdad some respect.

Jason: I didn’t call him “dad”.

Bruce: No, no. Nightwing, I take it as a compliment.

Tim: It’s not a big deal. I called Spoiler “mom” once and she’s my girlfriend.

Jason: Guys, jump on that. Red Robin has psycho-sexual issues.

Danian: Old news. But you calling Father “daddy”.

Jason: Hey, “daddy” is not on the table here.

Suspect: *in handcuffs* Well, you did call him “dad”, dude.

Jason: You shut up! You’ve done nothing but lie since you got here.

Suspect: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the “daddy” thing, that happened.

Jason: Aha! He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan.

Bruce: I believed you –

Jason: Thank you.

Bruce: – son.

Bruce: You want to talk about it later over patrol?

Jason: I’d like that.

At a Batfamily reunion in Wayne Manor…

Jason [to the other Batkids]: We’ll have two parties. A fun party down here with us, then an awkward, uncomfortable one in the living room with Bruce. He doesn’t even have to know about it. Separate parties.

Jason: Separate but equal.

Jason: Forget I said that phrase.

At S.T.A.R. Labs. A kryptonite bullet’s lodged somewhere in Bizarro’s body…

Dr. Stone: We weren’t able to do the procedure. Your friend is so large –

Jason: That you needed a bigger big saw to cut through his dingus.

Wally: So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Dick: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Wally: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

Dick: I pity your dentist.

Wally: Joke’s on you! I don’t have a dentist.

At the annual Justice League get-together at the Watchtower…

Jason [to Kyle]: What is going on out there? We can’t tell Apokolips stories, Supergirl doesn’t find me charming, and a native English speaker referred to Bruce as “hilarious.” I am flummoxed! That’s a word I learned for this party, and I am it!