source: arrested development – Page 7 – incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Selina [to photographer]: Now, get one of Mr. Wayne and me on a date.

Bruce: A date? This is a date now? I thought this was just business.

Selina: Can’t it be a little bit of both?

Finding out that their teenaged brother tried smoking a cigarette…

Dick [about Tim]: He’s lying to me! Can you believe that? Where is this family’s morality?

Jason: I don’t know.

Jason: *a puff of smoke suddenly escapes his mouth*

Dick: What’s that?

Jason: It’s cold out here.

That one time – one time – Bruce and Talia tried to co-parent Damian…

Bruce: Well, I think stress is what leads to trouble. You know, the kind you put on Damian, even when he gets an A?

Talia: Minus. And an A gets him an extra hour of sleep. He knows that.

Jason: I can’t.

Bruce: Why not?

Jason: Because I’m … Don’t want to.

At least he’s honest.

Bruce: Don’t give me that look, Jason. I happen to be a more caring father than most.

Jason: Where’s my bed?

Bruce: I put it in storage.

To be fair, Jay, you were gone a while.

All kidding aside, we know Bruce’s not a perfect father, but he loves his kids very much and tries really hard to do right by them (just in… unconventional ways sometimes.) 🙂

Damian [about Dick and Shawn]: Todd, I’m very pleased that you’re here. I want you to help me break up our brother and his girlfriend.

Jason: Well, I’m all for that. We’ve just got to find him first.

Damian: He’s tied up in the attic.

Dami, no.

That one time – one time – Bruce tried this thing call “chilling out”…

Superman: This just… isn’t you.

Batman: It’s me now. It’s the me that can recline.

Batman: *leans back and falls off the Batcomputer chair*

Superman: Did that hurt?

Batman: Hrrn.

Only his ego, Clark. Only his ego.

That one time – one time – a Batkid ever caught Bruce drunk…

Jason: *passing by the study*

Bruce: *slurring* You’re my third least favorite child.

Jason: *shrugs* I can live with that.

And if Jason ever told the others, they would never believe him, so he doesn’t even bother.

Sometimes your best friend just needs to hear it from you…

Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*

Superman: *whooshes into the Batcave* Oh, Bruce, I feel so foolish.

Batman: *reading casefiles* No.

Superman: Yes. I’m foolish and I’m funny and I’m needy. Am I needy?

Batman: *shuts down the Batcomputer* No.

Superman: Are you sure I’m not needy? ‘Cause I feel needy sometimes.

Batman: No. *walks out of the Batcave*

Jason: Tim, the accident only happened because I was trying to scare you. Maybe even hurt you.

Tim: That doesn’t sound like you. It sounds like Damian.