When you watch as your partner does business with a highly dangerous crime boss…
Arsenal: *whispering* How do you keep track of all these lies, man?
Red Hood: Practice, Roy. Lying is like 95% of what I do.
Arsenal: In your job… ?
Red Hood: Sure.
Tag: source: archer
Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…
*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*
Henchman: *whimpers*
Red Robin: I think he gets it.
Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!
Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?
Henchman: Yes! Please!
Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –
Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –
Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –
Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.
On board the Batplane…
Robin: -Tt-
Robin: All I needed was this aircraft, so why is it full of you idiots?
Red Robin: *locks the plane door behind him and sends his own jet back home via autopilot* I wasn’t gonna sit around the Batcave all by myself.
Nightwing: *lands gracefully from the ceiling and onto the captain’s seat* One of us needed multi-engine time for his pilot’s license.
Red Hood: *comes out of a crate and dusts off his jacket* And one of us would go pretty much anywhere to piss off your father.
Yup, it had nothing to do with them wanting to annoy you like good, loving, older brothers do.
Jason: What’s odd is you wanting to date our fath- Bruce!
Selina: Why’s that odd?
Jason: Because you’re you! And he’s, um –
Selina: Handsome, mysterious, successful, a genius…
Jason: Like, one of those, tops.
Dick: Enjoying Damian’s cruelty-free vegan seafood buffet?
Wally: It’s pretty good once you get over how allergic I am to soy.
Dick: What?! Oh my gosh! Don’t eat that! *tries to grab the food*
Wally: *pushes back* Hey! I’m a consenting adult!
Bomb diffusal…
Robin [on the Comm Link]: What’s going on?
Superboy: The timer sped up!
Robin: What? Did you cut the green one?
Kid Flash: Yes. Roger. Steven. Whoever!
Robin: What were the last two letters?
Kid Flash: B as in Butthole!
Superboy: Dick, what do we do here?
Kid Flash: And M as in Mancy.
Robin: What?
Supeboy: M as in what?
Kid Flash: Mancy. What did you think I said?
Robin: Nancy! You idiot!
Superboy: Dick, tell me what to do!
Robin: So, do ya’ll have parachutes?
Superboy: No!
Robin: Well that would be, you know, problem solved.
Superboy: Dick!
Robin: I don’t know. Push it off with your big-ass hands! Good luck, dude.
In the middle of a jungle mission (and both of Red Robin’s legs are broken)…
Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!
Red Hood: We have to. Timbo, I’m sorry –
Red Robin: No, you’re not.
Red Hood: I am, actually, which, whatever, but –
Robin: *cocks and aims a gun at Red Hood* We are not leaving Drake!
Red Hood: Uh, what do you even think you’re doing?
Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!
Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*
Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*
Red Hood: Oh, my goodness gracious! *wipes tears* Okay. Thanks, Little D. I think we needed that.
Red Robin: *clutching his stomach* We did. We really did.
Damian would be the first to recommend leaving Red Robin behind
^ Partly why his two older brothers find the situation hysterical. (He’s changed a lot, though. I think he’d be more protective of his family – including Timmy – by now.)
Sneaking into a top secret facility in the middle of the night…
Red Robin: *whispering* Wait, here’s an idea: You talk louder, and maybe the guards’ll just come to us.
Red Hood: *whispering* We’d lose the element of surprise, Timbo.
Red Robin: That was sarcasm!
Red Hood: No way, really? Because so was that, just now.
In the middle of a jungle mission (and both of Red Robin’s legs are broken)…
Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!
Red Hood: We have to. Timbo, I’m sorry –
Red Robin: No, you’re not.
Red Hood: I am, actually, which, whatever, but –
Robin: *cocks and aims a gun at Red Hood* We are not leaving Drake!
Red Hood: Uh, what do you even think you’re doing?
Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!
Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*
Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*
Red Hood: Oh, my goodness gracious! *wipes tears* Okay. Thanks, Little D. I think we needed that.
Red Robin: *clutching his stomach* We did. We really did.
Starfire: First off, you’re a complete idiot to even be in this situation.
Red Hood: No one disputes that I’m an idiot.
Arsenal [to Starfire]: I tried to stop him, Babe!
Starfire: No, you didn’t.
Arsenal: No, I didn’t.
[in Sterling Archer’s voice] Bros before… apparent threats to national security.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 