Sneaking into a top secret facility in the middle of the night…
Red Robin: *whispering* Wait, here’s an idea: You talk louder, and maybe the guards’ll just come to us.
Red Hood: *whispering* We’d lose the element of surprise, Timbo.
Red Robin: That was sarcasm!
Red Hood: No way, really? Because so was that, just now.
Tag: source: archer
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
Undercover mission at a restaurant…
Jason: Let’s go Ti – Thomas, c’mon! Chop, chop.
Tim: You’re the one who dropped it! Why do I have to clean it up?
Jason: Because you’re the garçon de cuisine, which means kitchen boy, whereas I am the sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.
Tim: And why do you get to be sous chef?
* Flashback to Jason and Roy eating out in France while staking out a tech criminal during their Red Hood/Arsenal days *
Jason: Because I have fine dining experience!
Undercover mission at a restaurant…
Jason: Let’s go Ti – Thomas, c’mon! Chop, chop.
Tim: You’re the one who dropped it! Why do I have to clean it up?
Jason: Because you’re the garçon de cuisine, which means kitchen boy, whereas I am the sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.
Tim: And why do you get to be sous chef?
* Flashback to Jason and Roy eating out in France while staking out a tech criminal during their Red Hood/Arsenal days *
Jason: Because I have fine dining experience!
Stranded in a swamp…
Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.
Red Robin: The…?
Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –
Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪
Robin: Damn it, Grayson!
Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪
Red Hood: Keep your voice down!
Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!
Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!
At a Batfamily mission briefing…
Robin: *glaring at Jason while grabbing him by the collar of his leather jacket* After this is over, you and me –
Red Hood: *taps Damian on the nose with his index finger* Boop!
Robin: *stomps away furiously* Hrrrrrr.
Red Robin: Why do you constantly antagonize him?
Red Hood: I – Oh, my gosh. Tim, are you jealous?
Red Robin: No, I –
Red Hood: *in a singsong voice* I’m gonna make it up to you, buddy.
Red Robin: *face-palming* Please don’t.
Jason Tim’s about half a wreck, huh?
Dick: Yeah, so why do you pick on him?
Jason: I… Oh, was that not rhetorical?
When your super best friend could give Saran wrap a lesson…
Batman: *ignores vibrations coming from his pocket*
Wonder Woman: How many times a day does Clark text you?
Batman: Hrrrn.
Batman: Just… 40.
Red Robin: I’m actually an excellent hacker.
Red Hood: And I’m excellent in the field, so…
Red Robin: Maybe at Batman, Inc., but on Batman, Inc. missions you had big dossiers with all the information you could possibly need.
Red Hood: Yeah, but I never read them.
In the middle of a jungle mission (and both of Red Robin’s legs are broken)…
Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!
Red Hood: We have to. Timbo, I’m sorry –
Red Robin: No, you’re not.
Red Hood: I am, actually, which, whatever, but –
Robin: *cocks and aims a gun at Red Hood* We are not leaving Drake!
Red Hood: Uh, what do you even think you’re doing?
Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!
Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*
Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*
Red Hood: Oh, my goodness gracious! *wipes tears* Okay. Thanks, Little D. I think we needed that.
Red Robin: *clutching his stomach* We did. We really did.
Damian would be the first to recommend leaving Red Robin behind
^ Partly why his two older brothers find the situation hysterical. (He’s changed a lot, though. I think he’d be more protective of his family – including Timmy – by now.)
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