Harvey: Red Hood?
Jason: Yes?
Harvey: I am Special Agent in Charge Bullock and you are extremely under arrest.
Tag: source: archer
Jason: And seriously, Timbo, sorry for what I said.
Tim:
Jason:
Tim:
Jason: Then that’s where you say –
Tim: *punches Jason in the face*
Detective Montoya: Red Hood?
Red Hood: Hmmyes?
Montoya: I am Special Agent Montoya and you are extremely under arrest.
Red Hood: *covering Bizarro’s mouth* If you stay really, really quiet, I will buy you a puppy.
Red Hood: That you will probably accidentally strangle.
Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…
*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*
Henchman: *whimpers*
Red Robin: I think he gets it.
Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!
Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?
Henchman: Yes! Please!
Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –
Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –
Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –
Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.
How Red Robin survives gunshots…
Jason: Timbo, you wear Kevlar every single time we go to Coast City.
Tim: Because every time you shoot me.
Jason: Whoa, whoa, whoa, not every time. Hm, like, three out of four, tops.
Jason: *ruffles Tim’s hair* You big baby.
On an overloaded plane over the Atlantic Ocean…
Nightwing: Hello? Time’s a bit of a factor here!
Red Hood: Tim, for the love of bats, man, jump!
Red Robin: Just throw out the kryptonite!
Red Hood: What?! No! I’m not telling Bruce I lost the original hundred pounds of –
Nightwing and Red Robin: Kilos!
Red Hood: Whatever unit of measurement – of kryptonite! Plus, all this kryptonite! Do you have any idea how pissed he’d be?
Nightwing: Well, the alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with alligators!
Red Hood: No. No, no, no. No. What if, um…
Red Robin: Jason! Alligators or Bruce!
Red Hood: What’s the difference?! They’re both cold-blooded prehistoric monsters!
Stranded in a swamp…
Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.
Red Robin: The…?
Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –
Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪
Robin: Damn it, Grayson!
Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪
Red Hood: Keep your voice down!
Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!
Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!
Red Hood: Oh, come on, how long are you guys gonna stay mad at me?
Red Robin: What, for getting us all arrested for smuggling weapons into Blüdhaven?
Robin: Probably the rest of our damn lives.
Undercover mission at a restaurant…
Jason: Let’s go Ti – Thomas, c’mon! Chop, chop.
Tim: You’re the one who dropped it! Why do I have to clean it up?
Jason: Because you’re the garçon de cuisine, which means kitchen boy, whereas I am the sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.
Tim: And why do you get to be sous chef?
* Flashback to Jason and Roy eating out in France while staking out a tech criminal during their Red Hood/Arsenal days *
Jason: Because I have fine dining experience!
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