Tag: selina kyle

An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…

Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.

Me: *blinks*

Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –

Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*

Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?

Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–

Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*

Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?

Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?

Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –

Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –

Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*

Me: Did I say something wrong?

Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*

Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?

Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?

Me: Well –

Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –

Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*

Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –

Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –

Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*

Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!

Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Alfred: *walks into the room*

Room: *falls silent*

Alfred: No dessert for all of you.

Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*

Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…

Me: *blinks*

Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*

The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!

Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.

Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

When you’re back in Gotham City after, y’know, dying and all and you come across some of your father’s frienemies…

Red Hood: *bound and gagged with vines*

Poison Ivy: *unmasks him* Doesn’t he look like Batman’s dead kid?

Catwoman: He looks exactly like that dead boy.

Harley Quinn: *stares dreamily at Jason* You should take that as a compliment, Red, because he was handsome.

Batman: *getting off the phone with Talia*

Catwoman: Meow. I wish our phone conversations were as flirty.

Batman: She threatened to kill me, Selina.

Catwoman: I can do that.

~ · ~ · ~

You do not want her jealous, Bruce.

Visiting Kent Farm be like…

Bruce: *watches as Lois serves Clark coffee and massages his shoulders without him having to ask her*

Bruce: *mutters to himself* That was so cool.

Selina: “Cool”?

Bruce: *clears his throat* By “cool” I mean wrong and stupid.

Post-wedding downtime be like…

Dick: *looking on as Selina thanks the Justice Society for attending* That’s funny.

Bruce: *loosening his tie and drinking his third glass of wine* What’s funny?

Dick: She pulls ridiculous stunts and is crazy. She’s the female you. *pats him on the chest and walks away*

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

On the rooftop where they first chased each other…

Bruce: *fidgeting with his cuff links (something old: was his father’s)*

Selina: *smoothening out her lacy, white dress (something new: picked by Harley and Ivy)*

Bruce: *glances at something in the evening sky*

Selina: *knows exactly what her fiancé’s been not-so-discreetly staring at behind her*

Selina: *sighs and grabs his face so that he’s looking her straight in the eye*

Selina: You are not allowed to die. Do you understand?