My dream Batman canon issue: ALL the four Batboys (Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian) and Cass coming out of their respective bedrooms at the Manor in their sleep civvies, woken by the scent of Alfred’s cooking; each getting to the kitchen in his/her own Extra way, playfully but competitively shoving each other out of the way; Tim breaking off from the chaos to open the door, high-fiving/fist-bumping Duke and Luke as they file in; Babs arriving two minutes later, on the phone with Steph, telling the latter to come ASAP (breakfast is almost served); Kate coming in much later, amused by the loud morning chatter, nodding at Bruce, who’s seated at a kitchen stool, patting Titus on the head while Alfred the cat purrs on his lap.
I dunno. Something incredibly MUNDANE like this when Tim comes back. We already had Batburger, and that was lovely. Just… It would be great if they were ALL there.
Selina coming in through a second story window; Basil catching up with Cass and Harper, telling them how Jean-Paul’s meditating on a mountain somewhere so he can’t make it, while Alfred mops up his clay trail. Maybe Clark and Lois (literally) flying in to drop Jon off for a sleepover with Damian.
Too much to ask?
Just came across some thoughts I had a while back.
Superman: *awkwardly pats the roof* Well. That was a long, silent car ride. Now I know how Dick feels.
You know any of his children would have music blaring and talking whether he contributes or not
Nightwing: *bops his head and taps his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”*
Nightwing: *takes an earphone out of his ear* What was that?
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman: *clears his throat*
Nightwing: Oh, I thought I saw your mouth move.
Nightwing: *jams the earphone back in* A man can dream.
Nightwing: *checks the digital map and sighs* Five miles to gooo. Why do supervillain lairs have to be so far?
Batman:
Batman: Sync with bluetooth, code “A37”.
NSYNC: *starts blaring on the Batmobile speakers*
Nightwing: *takes off both earphones and grins at Bruce*
Batman: *grins*
Red Hood: *gets in and slams the Batmobile door excitedly* Thanks for picking me up, Big Bro *takes off his helmet and shakes his hair dry* Some kid from Crime Alley stole one of my tires, pretty impressive, actually – *rummaging through his jacket pockets for a USB drive* Plus there’s this cool new album that Roy wants us to check out, so turn that 90’s boyband crap off for just a sec – Hey, want me to transfer to the – the –
Red Hood: *finally notices Batman on the passenger seat and sullenly says* Yo.
Batman: *grunts*
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes*
Nightwing: *sees his brother’s reflection on the rearview mirror and grins* If I’d told you, would you have gotten in?
Red Hood: *muttering* Tss. Could’ve walked home. I have safehouses everywhere.
Nightwing: *cups an ear* What was that?
Red Hood: *crosses his arms* Nothing! Just shut up and drive.
Nightwing: *smirks*
Red Hood:
Batman:
Red Hood: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be –
Batman:
Red Hood: *looks out the window* Never mind.
Batman:
Nightwing:
Red Hood: *tapping his foot awkwardly* Sooo… You let Golden Boy drive this thing. Neat.
Batman:
Nightwing: *trying to stifle a giggle*
Red Hood: Dick, you can just drop me off right here –
Batman: No.
Red Hood: *frowns*
Batman: *extends a palm towards Jason* The drive.
Red Hood:
Red Hood: *reluctantly drops it on Bruce’s palm*
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Nightwing: *to the Comm Link, smiling from ear to ear* Alfred? Yeah. Extra plate on the dinner table, please.
Thirteen songs from “Harper’s Mix” later…
Nightwing: So lemme get this straight: You were just on my case for listening to 90′s music, and now you’re going gaga over –
Red Hood: *skips to the next track* Ssh, Goldie. This one?
Batman: *listens to the intro for 1.5 seconds*
Batman: “Unchained Melody”. 1955. Todd Duncan –
Red Hood: Wow.
Nightwing: Don’t you mean the Righteous Brothers?
Batman: – sang the vocals for the film “Unchained”.
Red Hood: You are officially old.
Batman: *grinning wistfully* My mother used to hum it to me.
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Batman: *still grinning wistfully*
Red Hood: *clears his throat* That’s, um, swell. Hey, if you get this next one, I’ll concede and declare you King of –
Radio: *skipping tracks randomly*
Red Hood: What the –
Radio: *rewinds and fast-forwards by itself, then plays “Basket Case” by Green Day*
Red Hood: That wasn’t even on there!
Radio: *in a chipmunk voice* Jason Peter Todd, also known as the Red Hood, we summon you –
Red Hood: *points a gun at the console* AaaAArRggh –
Nightwing: *swerving the Batmobile slightly* Calm down, Little Wing!
Batman: Timothy, enough.
Radio: *erupts into belly laughter*
Radio: *wheezing* Y-you sh-should’ve seen your face, Jay. *sighs contentedly* What time are you guys getting here? I’m bored and hungry.
Red Hood: And dead meat. *crushes the tiny camera suctioned to the window*
Red Robin: *sinking deeper into the passenger seat of the Batmobile*
Red Robin: *sighs contentedly* Just me and the Batman. It’s been a while, huh? Remind me again why I haven’t been hitching a sweet, sweet ride with you these past few months?
Batman:
Red Robin: Could it be because of your endearing silence? Nah. It can’t be that. We both enjoy it.
Batman: *smirks*
Red Robin: Perhaps I simply don’t need to? I mean, the Redbird’s great and all, but this is the freakin’ Batmobile.
Batman: *fondly shakes his head ever-so-subtly that if you blinked you’d have missed it*
Red Robin: *presses a button on the dashboard, opening a compartment full of CDs* How about your nostalgia for… outdated tech?
Batman: *gives him a pointed look*
Red Robin: *holds his hands up as if in surrender* Hey, no judgement.
Batman: *swiftly swerves the Batmobile into a dark alley*
Red Robin: What *going through the CDs* do we have *takes a couple out* here?
Batman:
Red Robin: “Cassandra’s Ballet Recital”. Neat. Did you get to see it?
Batman: *nods fondly*
Red Robin: Me, too. I was in the middle of chasing a killer android, though, so I had to watch it from the rooftop of the opera house.
Red Robin: *rummaging* Hmm. “Dick’s Mix” – way to be creative, Richard – “Classical Concertos for Teens” – which I assume belongs to the brat – “Suicide Squad” film soundtrack – Jason’s current obsession –
Red Robin: Is this Duke’s? *holds up a yellow-colored CD* I’m taking this *stuffs it into his backpack* I dig his jam – “Oracle” – Wait, wait, wait… Don’t tell me –
Batman: She doesn’t know –
Red Robin: *already stuffing it into his backpack* Mine! Just in case, y’know, I need to blackmail either of you. Her voice is pretty awesome, though. Watchtower acoustics really did her a favor.
Batman: *nods in agreement*
Red Robin: *back to rummaging* What else, what else… “Cats”? Really, Bruce? Is Selina even into broadway?
Batman: *shrugs*
Red Robin: “Clark’s Country Playlist”. Superman carpools to warzones with you?
Batman: I play it here, he listens from above. Says it helps him focus.
Red Robin: *rubbing his chin* Maybe I could try that with Kon…
Red Robin: “Purple Haze” – witty, Steph, but I don’t think you even knows who Jimi Hendrix is – “Oldies but Goodies” – which is, coincidentally, Alfie’s name on my phone, ha ha – *reaches the bottom of the compartment*
Red Robin: I guess… that’s got it.
Batman: Tim…
Red Robin: *staring blankly ahead* I remember now –
Batman: Tim, I –
Red Robin: We were on the way to the Iceberg Lounge to bust Penguin and his crew, and I was getting so pumped that I jammed my CD into the player, but you took it out 10 seconds into “London Calling”, crushed my CD with one freakin’ hand, and threw it out –
Batman: *swerves the Batmobile to a stop* Red Robin –
Red Robin: – then we got into some argument over how stupid my music was, so I got out and – and –
Batman: TIM.
Red Robin: What?!
Batman: We’re here.
Red Robin: *sighs wearily and grabs his bo staff from the backseat* Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go kick some criminal butt.
Batman: You won’t need that.
Red Robin: *frowning in confusion* What? *looks out the window* And why are we at the Wayne Memorial Theater?
Batman: I asked Lucius to help me put a little something together.
Red Robin: I don’t –
Batman: It’s not that I didn’t like your music, Tim. Just… bad mood, bad timing.
Red Robin: … The anniversary of your parents’ death.
Batman: *nods solemnly*
Red Robin: Bruce, I…
Batman: I hope you still like “London Calling”.
Red Robin: Yeah, but –
Batman: Because we’re about to watch a 4D screening of The Clash in concert.
Red Robin: We’re not… patrolling?
Batman: How else was I supposed to get you to hitch a sweet, sweet ride with me?
Red Robin: *haphazardly wiping tears from his eyes* Wow. Great timing, allergies.
Batman: *ruffles Tim’s hair* Let’s go, son.
Robin: *puts his backpack on the backseat of the Batmobile, does a last minute check of its contents, and sits on the passenger seat*
Robin: You and Kent’s dad don’t need to linger, Father. Just drop us off at our HQ and be on your way.
Batman:
Robin: *checking the contents of his utility belt compartments one by one* Oh, wait! Pennyworth forgot the – Oh, no, he didn’t – Shurikens, grappling hooks, brass knuckles – Ugh! These dumb chocolate-covered “gummy bears” that Superboy insists I carry with me – *doesn’t notice a USB drive fall from one of them*
Batman: *picks up the said USB drive* Hn.
Robin: *still talking more to himself than to Bruce* – and I’m fairly certain that I’ve sufficiently sharpened my knives, unless Todd’s device was subpar –
USB drive: *with the phrase “bearable noise” scribbled on its surface*
Robin: – make sure to feed Goliath before releasing him. He knows which island we’ll be on and will follow as previously instructed –
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Speakers: *start playing… a lullabye*
Robin: – and tell Drake to stay out of –
Robin:
Robin: *angrily disconnects the drive and slumps down on his seat* You weren’t supposed to hear that.
Batman: Damian, I –
Robin: *looks out the window* No one is supposed to hear that.
Robin: *muttering* Stupid, stupid *while banging his head against the headrest*
Batman:
Batman: *reaches out to block Damian’s head* I’m sorry, son.
Robin: *slaps his hand away*Just drive.
Batman:
Robin:
Batman:
Robin:
Robin: *quietly*When I slept over at the farm,Mrs. Kent sang it to Jon while she was putting him to bed.
Batman: *glances at him*
Robin: It was annoying.
Robin: Childish.
Robin: *lip quivering* Weak.
Robin: *covers his face with his arms and bends over his knees, his body trembling*
Batman: *places a hand on his back* You’re not any of that, son.
Batman: But once in a while, it’s okay to be all of it.
Robin: *looks up at his father and wipes his eyes with his cape, sniffling*
Batman: *reaches for the USB drive where it fell near the console and plugs it back in*
Speakers: *play the lullabye again*
Batman: Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve listened to something this relaxing.
Robin: *takes one last look at his father before looking out the window, glassy-eyed and grinning*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
@tmntchickadee , thanks for the idea. As you can see, I, um, ran with it. I was going for funny, but I think it ended up more “therapeutic”. I love music. It’s intimate. It can help heal. And I wanted each of my favorite Batkids to have a moment that’s uniquely theirs with their father. (Bruce could use them, too.)
Superman: *awkwardly pats the roof* Well. That was a long, silent car ride. Now I know how Dick feels.
You know any of his children would have music blaring and talking whether he contributes or not
Nightwing: *bops his head and taps his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”*
Nightwing: *takes an earphone out of his ear* What was that?
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman: *clears his throat*
Nightwing: Oh, I thought I saw your mouth move.
Nightwing: *jams the earphone back in* A man can dream.
Nightwing: *checks the digital map and sighs* Five miles to gooo. Why do supervillain lairs have to be so far?
Batman:
Batman: Sync with bluetooth, code “A37”.
NSYNC: *starts blaring on the Batmobile speakers*
Nightwing: *takes off both earphones and grins at Bruce*
Batman: *grins*
Red Hood: *gets in and slams the Batmobile door excitedly* Thanks for picking me up, Big Bro *takes off his helmet and shakes his hair dry* Some kid from Crime Alley stole one of my tires, pretty impressive, actually – *rummaging through his jacket pockets for a USB drive* Plus there’s this cool new album that Roy wants us to check out, so turn that 90’s boyband crap off for just a sec – Hey, want me to transfer to the – the –
Red Hood: *finally notices Batman on the passenger seat and sullenly says* Yo.
Batman: *grunts*
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes*
Nightwing: *sees his brother’s reflection on the rearview mirror and grins* If I’d told you, would you have gotten in?
Red Hood: *muttering* Tss. Could’ve walked home. I have safehouses everywhere.
Nightwing: *cups an ear* What was that?
Red Hood: *crosses his arms* Nothing! Just shut up and drive.
Nightwing: *smirks*
Red Hood:
Batman:
Red Hood: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be –
Batman:
Red Hood: *looks out the window* Never mind.
Batman:
Nightwing:
Red Hood: *tapping his foot awkwardly* Sooo… You let Golden Boy drive this thing. Neat.
Batman:
Nightwing: *trying to stifle a giggle*
Red Hood: Dick, you can just drop me off right here –
Batman: No.
Red Hood: *frowns*
Batman: *extends a palm towards Jason* The drive.
Red Hood:
Red Hood: *reluctantly drops it on Bruce’s palm*
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Nightwing: *to the Comm Link, smiling from ear to ear* Alfred? Yeah. Extra plate on the dinner table, please.
Thirteen songs from “Harper’s Mix” later…
Nightwing: So lemme get this straight: You were just on my case for listening to 90′s music, and now you’re going gaga over –
Red Hood: *skips to the next track* Ssh, Goldie. This one?
Batman: *listens to the intro for 1.5 seconds*
Batman: “Unchained Melody”. 1955. Todd Duncan –
Red Hood: Wow.
Nightwing: Don’t you mean the Righteous Brothers?
Batman: – sang the vocals for the film “Unchained”.
Red Hood: You are officially old.
Batman: *grinning wistfully* My mother used to hum it to me.
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Batman: *still grinning wistfully*
Red Hood: *clears his throat* That’s, um, swell. Hey, if you get this next one, I’ll concede and declare you King of –
Radio: *skipping tracks randomly*
Red Hood: What the –
Radio: *rewinds and fast-forwards by itself, then plays “Basket Case” by Green Day*
Red Hood: That wasn’t even on there!
Radio: *in a chipmunk voice* Jason Peter Todd, also known as the Red Hood, we summon you –
Red Hood: *points a gun at the console* AaaAArRggh –
Nightwing: *swerving the Batmobile slightly* Calm down, Little Wing!
Batman: Timothy, enough.
Radio: *erupts into belly laughter*
Radio: *wheezing* Y-you sh-should’ve seen your face, Jay. *sighs contentedly* What time are you guys getting here? I’m bored and hungry.
Red Hood: And dead meat. *crushes the tiny camera suctioned to the window*
Red Robin: *sinking deeper into the passenger seat of the Batmobile*
Red Robin: *sighs contentedly* Just me and the Batman. It’s been a while, huh? Remind me again why I haven’t been hitching a sweet, sweet ride with you these past few months?
Batman:
Red Robin: Could it be because of your endearing silence? Nah. It can’t be that. We both enjoy it.
Batman: *smirks*
Red Robin: Perhaps I simply don’t need to? I mean, the Redbird’s great and all, but this is the freakin’ Batmobile.
Batman: *fondly shakes his head ever-so-subtly that if you blinked you’d have missed it*
Red Robin: *presses a button on the dashboard, opening a compartment full of CDs* How about your nostalgia for… outdated tech?
Batman: *gives him a pointed look*
Red Robin: *holds his hands up as if in surrender* Hey, no judgement.
Batman: *swiftly swerves the Batmobile into a dark alley*
Red Robin: What *going through the CDs* do we have *takes a couple out* here?
Batman:
Red Robin: “Cassandra’s Ballet Recital”. Neat. Did you get to see it?
Batman: *nods fondly*
Red Robin: Me, too. I was in the middle of chasing a killer android, though, so I had to watch it from the rooftop of the opera house.
Red Robin: *rummaging* Hmm. “Dick’s Mix” – way to be creative, Richard – “Classical Concertos for Teens” – which I assume belongs to the brat – “Suicide Squad” film soundtrack – Jason’s current obsession –
Red Robin: Is this Duke’s? *holds up a yellow-colored CD* I’m taking this *stuffs it into his backpack* I dig his jam – “Oracle” – Wait, wait, wait… Don’t tell me –
Batman: She doesn’t know –
Red Robin: *already stuffing it into his backpack* Mine! Just in case, y’know, I need to blackmail either of you. Her voice is pretty awesome, though. Watchtower acoustics really did her a favor.
Batman: *nods in agreement*
Red Robin: *back to rummaging* What else, what else… “Cats”? Really, Bruce? Is Selina even into broadway?
Batman: *shrugs*
Red Robin: “Clark’s Country Playlist”. Superman carpools to warzones with you?
Batman: I play it here, he listens from above. Says it helps him focus.
Red Robin: *rubbing his chin* Maybe I could try that with Kon…
Red Robin: “Purple Haze” – witty, Steph, but I don’t think you even knows who Jimi Hendrix is – “Oldies but Goodies” – which is, coincidentally, Alfie’s name on my phone, ha ha – *reaches the bottom of the compartment*
Red Robin: I guess… that’s got it.
Batman: Tim…
Red Robin: *staring blankly ahead* I remember now –
Batman: Tim, I –
Red Robin: We were on the way to the Iceberg Lounge to bust Penguin and his crew, and I was getting so pumped that I jammed my CD into the player, but you took it out 10 seconds into “London Calling”, crushed my CD with one freakin’ hand, and threw it out –
Batman: *swerves the Batmobile to a stop* Red Robin –
Red Robin: – then we got into some argument over how stupid my music was, so I got out and – and –
Batman: TIM.
Red Robin: What?!
Batman: We’re here.
Red Robin: *sighs wearily and grabs his bo staff from the backseat* Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go kick some criminal butt.
Batman: You won’t need that.
Red Robin: *frowning in confusion* What? *looks out the window* And why are we at the Wayne Memorial Theater?
Batman: I asked Lucius to help me put a little something together.
Red Robin: I don’t –
Batman: It’s not that I didn’t like your music, Tim. Just… bad mood, bad timing.
Red Robin: … The anniversary of your parents’ death.
Batman: *nods solemnly*
Red Robin: Bruce, I…
Batman: I hope you still like “London Calling”.
Red Robin: Yeah, but –
Batman: Because we’re about to watch a 4D screening of The Clash in concert.
Red Robin: We’re not… patrolling?
Batman: How else was I supposed to get you to hitch a sweet, sweet ride with me?
Red Robin: *haphazardly wiping tears from his eyes* Wow. Great timing, allergies.
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 