When you’re your best friend’s keeper…
Jason: *enters the safe house and accidentally steps on some beer cans on the floor*
Jason: Are you drinking?
Roy: Just the occasional glass with dinner.
Jason: Huh. And how many dinners have you had today?
Roy: Three. So far.
“How to Get Kicked Out of the Safe House” by Roy Harper…
Roy: *approaches Jason’s bed at 2 AM*
Jason: You’re wearing pajama bottoms, right?
Roy: Shh…
Jason: Exactly how drunk are you?!
Roy: *spoons Jason*
Roy: Both questions asked and answered.
Roy: Is this lifestyle actually making you happy?
Jason: Let me answer that question with another question: Who would you rather be, you or me?
Roy: You’re kidding, right? You have two black eyes, and you’re perched on a scrotum cozy…
Roy: You.
Arsenal: Uh-oh. We’ve got a real problem here.
Red Hood: What do you mean “we”?
Red Hood: *walks away*
Batman: Roy, I need you to do me a favor.
Arsenal: Anything for you, Mr. Wayne, sir. Name it.
Batman: Stay away from Jason.
Arsenal: Name something else.
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *walks into the kitchen groggily*
Dick: *eating Cheerios cheerily*
Jason: *opens the refrigerator*
Jason: *groans*
Jason: *chugs a liter of water directly from the bottle*
Dick: … ?
Jason: I either drank too much or got hit by a train.
Or when you can’t recall if you got clobbered during patrol last night or hung out at a bar till 4 AM with your best bud, Roy.
Roy: What time?
Jason: Eight.
Roy: O’clock?
Jason: *rolls eyes* No, degrees.
Jason: *picks up a piece of paper by the phone*
Jason: Timbo, what’s this? A phone message?
Tim: Yeah. Some dude called for you.
Jason: Who? I can’t read your handwriting.
Tim: *reads the message out loud* “You’re a big, selfish jerk.”
Jason: Okay, I know who it is.
Tim: Probably Roy.
Jason: Yup, Roy.
When your best friend’s father figure troubles remind you of your own father figure troubles…
Arsenal: I spoke with Batman, and he made me feel better.
Red Hood: I don’t know who you talked to, but that wasn’t Batman.
Red Hood/Arsenal: Therapy…
Roy: Okay, well, for starters, there’s nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Dinah: Jason, what do you say to that?
Jason: I think we should see other vigilantes.
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