Closet full of Batsuits…
Bruce: Yeah, I know it’s sexy, Alfred, that’s why I made ten. Now, arrange those by color.
Alfred: These are all black.
Bruce: Oh, are they? Or are five in a dark black, and five in a slightly darker black?
Tag: mine
Missions with Batman (or, more appropriately, Batman’s secret solo missions that the rest of the League somehow get wind of) be like…
Superman: I called for backup. You gotta trust somebody, Bruce.
Batman: *internally pouting like a baby, but relieved much deeper inside*
Green Lanten: It’s a mess. You must feel horrible! You’ve lost everything. Your parents, your sons, your city…
Batman: *gritting teeth* Thank you for summing that up, Jordan.
Evenings in the Batcave…
Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*
Red Robin: *tuning up the Redbird*
Batman: Fart.
Red Robin:
Red Robin: Uh…
Red Robin: Did you say “fart”?
Batman: Yes. That’s me being rather silly.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And, to this day, no one believes Tim.
Superman: *fighting Parademons on Apokolips*
Superman:
Superman: *chuckles* Fart.
~ • ~ • ~ •
I mean if Clark can canonically single out Bruce’s heartbeat while flying over earth, I think he can hear him say “Fart”.
When you have occasional alliances with rogues with doctorates…
Harley Quinn: First of all, Bats, let me assure ya that Jason’s antics are perfectly normal for a sixteen-year-old (who, ya know, came back from the dead).
Batman: Actually, he’s nineteen, Harleen.
Harley Quinn: Oh, dear. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
Jon: *observing Bruce, who’s talking to Dick* Is that your dad?
Damian: Both of them, yes.
Tim: Dick, we have a problem.
Dick: Guys, I am not your mother, so don’t come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn’t like.
Tim: I’m telling you, he’s crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice.
Damian: No, I didn’t.
Tim: Oh, so you’re saying you didn’t threaten to cut my hair off and give it to Ra’s as a birthday present?
Damian: You know, Drake, I think you’re taking my words a little out of context.
Tim: What?! What context?!
DC: Robin! I need to use you in a story arc.
Robin: You want me to be in the series?
DC: It’s just a few panels. Your predecessor’s supposed to be in ‘em, but he’s dead.
Robin: Dead?!
DC: Or pretending to be. I don’t know. I forget.
DC: Robin! I need to use you in a story arc.
Robin: You want me to be in the series?
DC: It’s just a few panels. Your predecessor’s supposed to be in ‘em, but he’s dead.
Robin: Dead?!
DC: Or pretending to be. I don’t know. I forget.
After finding out that Red Hood’s a former Robin…
Superman: I know this comes as a shock to you –
Batman: Please, Clark. If I had a nickel for every time one of my sons died, got resurrected by an assassin overlord’s daughter, and came back as a lethal antihero, I’d haVE A NICKEL!
He’s, uh, stressed, Clark.
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