Tag: mine

The Robins as…

a-wayne-at-heart:

HOSPITAL PATIENTS:

Dick: 

  • “Oh, those glass shards on my back? I get them all the time. No biggie. Hey, do you guys serve cereal?”
  • The staff love checking him ou – er, checking up on him.
  • Regales them with stories of past injuries, which none of them can believe are even possible (”Then how are you still alive?”)

Jason

  • Fake ID (since, you know, legally dead and all)
  • Wheeled into the hospital room by 5 AM, out through the window in a hospital gown and onto a waiting motorcycle by 5:15 AM  

Tim: 

  • Double-checks every diagnosis and every medication and cross-references them with similar cases in the city (and occasionally schools whomever is unfortunate enough to check up on him)
  • Who knows how pure liquid caffeine got injected into his IV bottle?

Damian:

  • “You call this food? My father will buy this place!”
  • Physical examination? You might as well put your hand inside a Tasmanian devil’s tunnel.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Why Batman got the ol’ silent treatment during patrol that night…

Four hours ago, at a Wayne Foundation gala…

Senator: You have wonderful sons, Mr. Wayne.

Bruce: Yes, I do. But Dick, Tim, and Damian must never learn of them.

Senator and Bruce: *pompous laughter*

Dick, Tim, and Damian: …

Batman:

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

Batman: I’m –

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *grapple-hook away*

Lighten up, boys. It was just one glass of champagne too many.

Also, Jason’s legally dead, so he’s like, “Meh”.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Batman: *walks into the Watchtower’s Hall of Justice*

Batman: *narrows his eyes* Hn.

Batman: *slowly turns on the light*

Everyone: SURPRISE, BRUCE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *confetti explosions, colorful bat-shaped balloons, tooting horns*

Batman: *wide-eyed, open-mouthed, and motionless*

Wonder Woman: *checks him for a pulse*

Superman: *whispers in his ear* I know it’s your specialty, but let’s try not to overthink this one, okay?

Aww, you guys! Don’t scare him like that.

When you ask Batman how to contact Wonder Woman…

Bruce: I’ll text you her number. I like texting. Emoticons. 

Dick:

Tim:

Damian:

Jason: What the f –

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

So why do you keep making Jim use the Batsignal?

When a highly dangerous supervillain’s in town and your overprotective adoptive father orders you to “stay out of it”…

Nightwing: *noiselessly drops down from the ceiling in the middle of a heavily guarded warehouse*

Batman: *bruised, bloodied, bound to a metal contraption and on the verge of losing consciousness* D-Dick, what are you –

Nightwing: *disables the handcuffs* If you wanted a binding agreement, we should have pinky-sweared.

Family Patrol Night…

Red Robin [on the Comm Link]: You can fire us both for insubordination if you want, but we’ve got this.

Batman: *hears an explosion in the background*

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Batboys out. *click*

Red Robin: *click*

Batman:

Batman: *groans*

At a Batfamily meeting…

Red Robin: *nudging and whispering* How’d you do that?

Red Hood: *whispering back* Do what?

Red Robin: *sounding impressed* You were, like, ten feet away from the brat.

Red Hood: *sounding innocent* What are you talking about?

Red Robin: *smirking* I know what I saw.

Red Hood: *grinning* What did you see?

Red Robin: *shrugging* I don’t know. Nothing.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

A little while later…

Damian: ….

Damian: -Tt-

Damian: TOOOOODDDDDDDD!

When you’re curious to find out what you could’ve been had you not met Batman…

S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Here are your scientifically selected careers.

Batgirl: “Architect”. Nice.

The Signal: “Insurance salesman”. Uhhh, right.

Spoiler: “Salmon gutter”? What in the –

Robin: “Military strongman”. -Tt-

Red Robin: “Systems analyst”. *shrugs*

Nightwing: “Homemaker”?

S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Mm-hm. It’s like a mommy.

Red Hood: “Police officer”? Well, I’ll be jiggered.