Him: *claps his hands to get the students’ attention* “Okay, so. It’s your turn to try the moves I showed you. I need a volunteer. Who wants to go first?”
Hands: *shoot up in the air before he even finishes saying the word “first”*
Him: *beckons a student over* “You.”
Student: *approaches him*
Him: *chuckles sheepishly and holds up a hand* “Woah there, a little too close. I can, uh, practically smell your breath. *clears his throat* So here’s how it’s going to go. I’m going to tackle you from behind…”
Student: *staring at him dreamily*
Him: “… and you’re supposed to fight back.”
Student: *nodding absentmindedly*
Him: *proceeds to tackle them*
Student: *melts in his arms*
Him: *sighs in frustration*
>>> — <<<
Him: *does a standing double backflip, pulls escrima sticks from his back mid-air, then lands lightly on his feet, pouncing on a dummy*
Class: *silent*
Student: “You want us to do what now?”
JASON:
Him: *demonstrates how to disarm an attacker using a dummy*
Class: *watches in horror as the dummy practically breaks in half*
Him: *growls, stands up, then roughly wipes the sweat off his face*
Him: *finally notices their shock* “But, you know, it’s, um… It’s just one way to do it. You could always improvise.”
>>> — <<<
Student: *approaches him after class* “Mr. Todd, can I just pay you?”
Him: “Well, yeah, these classes aren’t exactly free…”
Student: “I mean, can I just pay you to go around with me?”
Him: “Uh…”
Student: *shaky breath* “It’s just that there’s this bully in my school and…”
Him: “Say no more. It’s on me.”
TIM:
Class: *puzzled*
Student A: “Uh… This is a train station.”
Him: *tossing a blindfold to each of them* Yup.
Student B: “Where exactly are we headed?”
Him: *listens for an oncoming train* On top.
Student C: “Of the train?”
Him: *sipping liquid caffeine from a sachet* Mm-hm.
Student D: *examining the blindfold in their hand, confused* “Yeah… I don’t think any of us are gonna get mugged on top of a train any time soon.”
Him: *wearing his own blindfold and smirking* It’s better to know it and not need it.
>>> — <<<
Class: *puzzled*
Student A: “Uh… This is a computer room.”
Him: *turning the lights on* “Yup. Each of you choose a laptop.”
Student B: “What exactly are we doing here? I thought this was a self-defense class.”
Him: *turning on the state-of-the-art laptop at the front of the room* “Ever heard of cyber bullying?”
DAMIAN:
Him: *drags a heavy crate into the training room and opens it* Line up. Pick your weapon. Then pair up. Do it quickly and *narrows his eyes* quietly.
Student A: *whispering while gingerly touching the tip of an arrowhead* Is this… kryptonite?
Student B: *whispering back while examining the katana in their hand* I don’t know, but I don’t think this is gonna fit in my purse.
>>> — <<<
Him: *pacing around the room* As I was saying, every martial art is – *does a double take* Todd?
Jason: *walking into the dojo with a student* In the flesh. Wassup, little brother?
Student: *points at Damian* That’s the bully I was telling you about!
Him: -Tt-
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
You know, I’ve read great reviews about these self-defense instructors from Gotham City. But I heard Batman might take you in soon after completing their courses, @prison-mikes-bandana . *scoffs* That’s silly.
Dick: *ticking things off his list* Batstagram announcement, posted… Cereal cupcakes, ordered… Bouncy Bat Castle from Wayne Tech, specifically blue, in production… Bat signal care of Commissioner Gordon, en route… Floral arrangements care of Ivy… Oh!
Dick: Bruce, can I invite some of the rogues?
Bruce: *grunts*
>>> *** <<<
Dick: I have to say, yours is gonna a be a bit challenging, Little Wing, but I still think we should go for it.
Jason: …
Dick: *counting with his fingers* There’s your birthday-birthday… Then the day Bruce took you in after you tried to steal his wheels… Then when he adopted you… Then the day you… Well, that day… Do you think we should include that? Or is that awkward? We could always just skip to you coming back to life, which is definitely worth celeb–
Jason: For the last time, Dick, get out of my room! *slams the bathroom door* I’m trying to take a dump in here!
Dick: Awkward it is.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *sitting at the foot of Tim’s bed* So, I was thinking, we could maybe get a thousand drones… Oh. No, that’s… a bit inappropriate. Nooo drones. *scratching “drones that form the words “Happy Adoption Day, Tim!” off his list* Well, we could just ask Kon to whoosh into the lawn –
Dick: *sketching* I mean, can you already picture it, Little D? I’m not that good at drawing stuff, but check this out. *shows his sketch to Damian*
Damian: *looking unimpressed* And what’s that supposed to be?
Dick: That’s the playroom turned into a lab! Since you weren’t technically adopted or birthed or whatever, I thought we’d celebrate that time you were in the “womb”. *goes back to sketching* I mean, we could even borrow some of Selina’s cats to make it more festive.
Dick: *grinning proudly* Schway, right? *looks up from his BatPad*
Dick: Where’d he go?
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *rubs his neck sheepishly* Look, Cass, it’s okay if you’re not up to it, but I just thought maybe…
Cass: *smiles brightly, claps her hands excitedly, and hugs Dick* I’m up to it! I’ve got some ideas of my own!
>>> *** <<<
Dick: What do you think, Alf? Can we pull it all off?
Alfred: Master Dick, while it may increase your father’s white hairs, I do think we don’t celebrate enough in this family.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Yeah, but he also wants his siblings to celebrate their “special days”, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for the suggestion!
You can check out my answer on a-wayne-at-heart-too (which I intend to be my main page for Asks), but I’ll be reblogging it here, too. Once again, thanks for another fun Ask, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . 🙂
Damian: *yelling from across the hall* I’d punish you for that tasteless comment, Drake!
Damian: But… -Tt- It’s admittedly not easy from this far.
Damian: Just… Just don’t get sick, okay?
Tim: *grinning* Didn’t realize you cared.
Damian: Shut up! Or I’ll send my cat to do the job for me! *slams his bedroom door shut*
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *rolls his eyes, not looking up from his laptop* Cass, I know you’re there.
Cass: *hangs upside down from the ceiling* Oh, sorry! I forgot my ballet shoes in one of the gym bags I borrowed from you –
Tim: Yeah, but you don’t have to crawl on my ceiling. You only need to be at least six feet away, not six feet above.
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *walks past Jason in the kitchen, unintentionally brushing against his arm*
Red Hood: Are you crazy, Tim?! I just came from patrol! Crane? Nygma? Who knows what I brought home with me! At least give me time to wear my mask first, it’s got a filter and everything. *fumbles with his pockets, finds his nontoxic sanitizer and sprays Tim with it* Shoo! Scat! No, you know what? You’ve got to eat to get stronger, so – MOVE! *tries his darndest not to brush against him*
Red Hood: *mumbling to himself as he walks away* What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have come here!
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *sends a text message* Wanna hang out?
Steph: *replies* Babe, what part of me trying to save your life don’t you get?
>>> *** <<<
Duke: *kicking*He shoots, he scores!
Tim: *watches in agony as the ball goes past him and into the goal*
Duke: *pumps his fist in the air* YEEEEESSSSS! 1-0 in favor of Thomas!
Tim: *offers to bump fists* Good game, my man. But maybe next time we play something else? Maybe some D&D?
Duke: *bumps fists with him* Haha! Or maybe you should just practice your soccer moves.
Tim: See ya around, Duke.
Duke: *doffs an imaginary hat* Take care, dude. Till a real game.
Tim: *turns off his hologram generator*
>>> *** <<<
Barbara [e-mail]:Here’s a list of every possible article (that isn’t fake) about this disease. You don’t need to cross-reference them since I already did that (duh), but you could if you’re bored. I’ve also got previously unreleased intel from S.T.A.R. Labs, and by “got”, of course I meant “hacked” –
Tim: *shuts his laptop and chuckles to himself* Already got ‘em, Babs.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *knocking on Tim’s bedroom door* Hey, Tim? Buddy? Are you feeling okay? I could call Dr. Thompkins if…
Tim [from inside the room]: *working on some cold cases* I’m fine, Dick.
Dick: Okay, well… I’m sorry you can’t have dinner with us right now. Alf offered to bring your food up for you. We just wanna make sure nothing happens to you, you know?
Tim: *sighs* I know, Dick.
Dick: … We miss you.
Tim: … I miss you, too, Dick.
>>> *** <<<
Bruce: Don’t. Remove. It.
Tim: *struggling to walk while wearing a state-of-the-art Bubble Bat Boy suit, which automatically assembles gliding pads on its feet* This is ridiculous, Bruce –
Bruce: Not as ridiculous as my allowing you to risk your life.
Tim: Really? Now you worry about me risking my –
Bruce: *clears his throat roughly* Like I said, until that vaccine from Wayne R&D passes every single testing phase, you’re staying in that thing and at home.
Tim: *groans*
>>> *** <<<
Later at the Wayne Manor rooftop…
Kon: Wow.
Tim: *in his bubble suit* I know, right?
Kon: *pokes at the bubble, which generates a force field in reaction* So, when are you gonna tell ‘em?
Tim: *adjusts the IV line supplying him liquid caffeine* About the spleen I grew in the Titans lab using stolen Cadmus tech?
Kon: Well, yeah.
Tim: Ehhh… *shrugs* Maybe when I get really tired of this suit. Besides… it’s been quiet. Almost peaceful. I’m still enjoying all of it.
Tim: Alfred knows, though. He performed the surgery. Helps me get out of this thing when I want to go on patrol.
Kon: Huh.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I guess you could say that, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for this ask!
BaTube video titled “The Blood Son’s Vlog #352”: *buffering*
Damian (wtih a BatPro camera strapped to his forehead, giving first-person POV): *muffled sounds, lens zooming in and out*
Damian: *camera shakes slightly as he walks around* Hello. I’m Damian Wayne, the Blood Son. I’m here at Stately Wayne Manor. Forgive me if I haven’t been posting videos as of late. I’ve been very busy – *Duke’s voice in the background: “I can’t tonight, Jefferson. It’s family patrol night with the Bats. Yup, Cass’s coming with us. We’re gonna kick some criminal bu–*” *clears throat loudly* Ignore that.
[CUT]
Damian: So, I received a question from *scrolling through Tumblr* “ @dangerous-doodle ” asking me how many pets I really have. Let me commend you for the excellent question. Many of my fans think they know all of my pets, but today I will finally reveal the truth. Allow me to show you.
[CUT]
Damian: *opens the door to his room and gestures to the cat on his king-sized bed* Alfred.
Alfred: *kneading the comforter, then suddenly claws violently at the camera*
[CUT]
Damian: *reaches the bottom of the stairs and walks into the front parlor* Ace and Titus.
Ace: *playfully chewing Titus’ ear* Rowrrrrr…
Titus: *pins Ace to the floor* Ruff! Ruff ruff!
Damian: *gives them a thumbs up* They say hi.
[CUT]
Damian: *enters the playroom and dodges a tennis ball* -Tt-
Jon: *waves to the camera* Hey, guys!
Damian: As always, my colleague Jon –
Jon: *makes a disgusted face* Colleague? Don’t you mean Super Best Bud?
Damian: *watching Jon and Krypto play catch while flying*
Damian: *in a low voice* It pains me to break the kid’s heart, but Krypto actually likes me more –
Jon: *catching the ball before it goes through a Wayne family portrait* Super hearing, remember?
[CUT]
Damian: *sitting cross-legged on a mound of hay, with Jerry the Turkey nestled in between his legs and Bat-Cow’s head resting on his thigh*
Damian: *caressing them* Can you keep a secret? This is where I hang out when I want to get away from everyone else in the Manor. To be alone. With Jerry and Bat-Cow, of course. Father built this barn for me, but I’ve put a passcode so that no one else can –
Bat-Cow: *farts*
Damian: *gasping for air*
[CUT]
Damian: *heads to the pool area* Over there, you’ll see my duck, Drake. He’s quite the swimmer.
Tim: *splashing water onto the camera* Get away, Brat!
Steph: *watching from a pool chair, cackling* He’s not wrong, though!
[CUT]
Camera: *shows the automated garage door slowly opening*
Damian: *whispers* I knew it’d be here…
Damian: Meet my fire-breathing dragon, Todd.
Jason: *lights up a cigarette, takes a drag, then blows smoke at the camera* Sup?
Damian: *coughs* Incredibly, incredibly *coughs* rude. I wonder why Father still chooses to keep him.
[CUT]
Camera: *violent shaking, sounds of a struggle, red everywhere*
Damian: Sit! I said SIT!
Damian: *wipes sweat off his forehead, then stands up and moves away to show the entirety of a sulking Goliath*
Damian: And here *panting* is my sweet, sweet *glares at Goliath* baby. If you thought he were to be feared, then you’d be right. *wipes his eyes tiredly and snuggles up against Goliath* He sure is *yawns* cuddly, though… *light snoring*
Camera: *focused on Goliath’s nose, causing the lens to fog up with every breath*
[CUT]
Damian: *enters a cave, with hay and red fur all over his clothes* Is he here?
Barbara: *not looking up from her laptop* Are you doing one of your vlogs again?
Damian: -Tt- Yes! Now, where is he?
Barbara: *smirking* Why do you wanna know? And why do you sound nervous?
Damian: *scoffs* I’m not nervo–
Dick: *lifts Damian from behind, then turns the teenager to face his belly for a tight hug*
Camera: *smooshing, pitch-black*
Dick: *muffled* Gotchaaaa!
Damian: *muffled* G-graysooon, gerofff meee –
Dick: *loosens his hold*
Damian: *sprints away*
Dick: Hey, where’re you going, Little D?
Damian: *stopping to catch his breath* That was… *exhales slowly* the Hug Monster. An awfully impulsive and aggressive pet.
[CUT]
Camera [second-person POV]: *Damian emptying cans of gourmet pet food into different bowls handed to him by Alfred the Butler*
Damian: And there you have it. My home is crawling with pets. Some are harder to care for than others, but perhaps that’s for another time. Thanks for watching. This is The Blood Son, signing off –
Glam rock / Heartland rock ; goes by the pseudonym “Azul”; the Artist Formerly Known as Nightsing
He’s an incredible all-around performer, so it should come as no surprise that he’s a natural frontman (or solo act).
He’s constantly reinventing his look (short, long, mullet – you name it, he’s probably sported the hairstyle). And Discowing’s got nothing on the outfits he wears onstage.
People love booking or working with him because he’s very professional (but does have a volatile temper from time to time).
The only thing that he requests for in his hotel room or trailer? A poster of The Flying Graysons. Oh, and cereal. Lots of it.
He actually uses the Cirque–du–Soleil-ish set design, blowing minds all over the world.
He likes calling audience members onto the stage, and never forgets to introduce his bandmates and give credit to those who made the concert possible.
His bodyguards don’t get paid enough for the number (and level of aggression) of fans who throw themselves at him.
He actually responds to fan mail, loves visiting sick fans in the hospitals, and gives warm hugs during meet-and-greets.
A substantial part of the proceeds from all his concerts go to the Martha Wayne Foundation, which supports many schools and orphanages.
His “entourage”? His long-term girlfriend, Kory Anders ( “Azul! Over here! Gotham Gazette! Why haven’t you proposed yet?”), and his childhood best friend, Wally West.
For all his showmanship, he’s notoriously private about his personal life. And, honestly? The spotlight does make him tired.
JASON:
Folk rock / Grunge rock ; goes by the pseudonym “Rason Rodd”
He sings and plays rhythm guitar, while Roy Harper’s on either bass or drums and Lady Artemis slays on lead guitar. Together they’re known as The Outlaws, managed by Mr. Am Not Bizarro.
He sounds so much like Eddie Vedder that it’s eerie. Eerily beautiful.
His debut solo album “I Ain’t No Joker” went straight to #1 on the world charts.
He’s found that music can be an effective political tool, so expect to find him lending his talents, free of charge, to various charities and advocacies. (On that note, he’s already done jail time for his blatantly subversive lyrics.)
He’s on the road so much that he practically lives on the tour bus (that’s always stocked with beer and cigarettes). At this point, he’s… trying not to mind. He’s been away from what he used to consider “home” for so long that he’s not sure where to go.
With The Outlaws and their connections, he holds free music workshops and provides informal foster care for Gotham’s street children, who often don’t have proper adult supervision.
During his downtime, he visits prisons in Gotham City to perform for the inmates, hoping to encourage them. Then he’ll anonymously send their low-income families some groceries every now and then.
It’s either you’ll barely recognize him on the streets because he’s so low-key or know it’s him because he’s wearing something outrageous, like a tinted gas mask or a plague doctor getup, on a grocery run.
TIM:
Rap rock / Electronic rock ; goes simply by his last name, “Drake” (not to be confused with other famous artist Drake or Gotham vigilante Drake or male fowl – “I’m not any of them, alright!”)
He’s moved on from his punk rock roots and has been experimenting with fusion subgenres.
Once in a while, he’ll do reunion performances with former bandmates Bart Allen and Cassandra Sansmark.
Nowadays, he frequently collaborates with other artists with different musical backgrounds, such as rapper D.u.k.e. T and country crooner Conner “Kon” Kent.
He’s notoriously hardworking (and his PA’s got some toned legs from all those coffee runs).
His albums are a hit among the younger demographic, but his famous adoptive father says that he “is extremely proud of my son, but I… I don’t really understand his music.” (Hmm. Makes you wonder if billionaire Bruce Wayne’s got a closet full of Drake’s “Sedimentary / Metamorphic / Igneous – The Anthology”.)
He’s developed his own state-of-the-art software for composing music and even performs live as a hologram (through the help of information technology magnate Barbara Gordon’s company, Oracle).
He’s made the said software, which makes it possible to produce professional-quality music using little to no equipment other than a mobile phone, free and accessible so that aspiring musicians who can’t afford to work in studios can pursue their dreams.
He enjoys discovering new talent, especially among young people who haven’t had as many opportunities as he’s had, and offers to manage them for free.
His on-again-off-again relationship with pop star Stephy Brown has made him a tabloid staple.
When asked by a reporter what he likes to do for fun, he answered, “Sleep” while slowly sinking into the couch.
DAMIAN:
Heavy metal meets orchestra music (think Metallica’s “S&M”concert) ; goes by the pseudonym “Habibi”
He’s a musical prodigy who can play practically any instrument from percussion to wind, but the need for control led him to being a conductor.
Like Timothy, he likes to experiment. His latest project, which he’s very secretive to the media about, has to do with oriental influences. He’s called upon the help of his sister, a musical prodigy like him, Cassandra Cain.
He’s notoriously a perfectionist, which makes it challenging to work with him. (But no one argues that he’s a musical genius, so they put up with it.)
He owns the Wayne Conservatory of Music, which offers full educational scholarships and training programs to the poor youth in Gotham who are musically gifted.
He once told a news reporter that his greatest dream is to conduct the ultimate performance – his obra maestra – starring Azul, Rason Rodd, and Drake.
When he’s not busy in the studio or mentoring budding musicians, he’s just in his mahal (palace), hanging out with his best friend Jon Kent, practicing martial arts, or enjoying the company of his pets.
And in the quiet moments of their famous lives, they dial one number that always brings them back down to earth…
Alfred: *picks up* Hello? I’ve missed you, too, Master – What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Oh, bullocks, don’t listen to what they’re saying… In which part of the world are you right no– Ah, never mind. I’ll just follow the tracker Master Bruce has put on you. I’ll see you in a bit.
He usually does a mind-blowing stunt (such as introducing himself while hanging upside down from the ceiling) on the first day of classes just to break the ice.
But, really, his friendly grin and warm tone are enough to get his students’ attention.
He has no idea how distracting his clear, nonprescription glasses and habit of running his hand through his thick, dark hair while lecturing are.
He’s well-loved for always giving positive feedback and constructive criticism. (Who’re we kidding? It’s those darned dad jokes.)
He has at least one student whose life was changed when he approached them after class, asked them if they were okay (and tried to make them smile), and offered his calling card just in case “you need someone to talk to about whatever it is you’re going through. Any time. Don’t even hesitate. Trust me, I’m no stranger to heartache.”
JASON:
English / Youth Work / Mechanical Engineering
He’s known around campus as the professor who’s “shrouded in mystery”.
The rumors about him on underground university message boards (of course he has access) amuse him because, well, not all of them are untrue. (“I swear, I’ve seen him drink a glowing, green liquid!” “Oh, yeah? But did you see that scar on his chest? It looked like he was stitched up or something!”)
He says “Hello” to inanimate objects every time he enters the classroom, puzzling everybody (including said objects, really).
He sports an undercut with a man-bun, and always wears a red, hooded sweater which always looks like it’s about to burst because of how shredded he is.
He often gets mistaken for a “frat boy”, but real ones have learned (the hard way) to steer clear of him.
He’ll accidentally utter curse words in a variety of languages during his lectures, then be like, “You’re not telling on me, are you?”, making his students howl with laughter.
During his breaks, he prefers to sit under a tree and read medieval literature, while chomping down a Batburger or one of Alfred’s homemade sandwiches.
One in a while, he’ll approach (and unintentionally scare half-to-death) a lonesome freshman, who realizes that he’s just trying to keep them company or protect them from cocky seniors.
TIM:
Business and Management Studies / Forensic Science / Computer Science
He designed a state-of-the-art cyber platform for holding online classes that’s so advanced that his students don’t even realize that they’ve been talking to an AI while he’s been busy solving actual crimes.
They do, however, notice how droopy his eyes get in the middle of his lectures and start leaving a cup of coffee on his desk on those days that he does show up.
He’s usually dressed in a double-breasted suit, but still manages to look disheveled for some reason.
Since he’s not a big a fan of giving homework or exams, he just comes up with the “dopest” class projects with real-life applications.
His students are so grateful that he stood up for them and convinced the Department to regularly hold conferences where they could showcase their handiwork (and it’s already helped a few of them bag scholarships from renowned institutions).
DAMIAN:
Middle Eastern & African Studies / Art & Design / Veterinary Medicine
His air of condescension often gets him in trouble with the Dean and his colleagues. (“You do realize my father owns this university, don’t you?”)
It doesn’t help that he arrives in a chauffeured limousine every day.
He wears a modernized thobe with an “R” emblazoned on its breast pocket.
As cute as the creature lounging on his desk during his lectures is, no one else is allowed to pet it but him. (“And get this, his cat’s name is… *snickers* Alfred.” “No way, dude!” “Waaay, dude.”)
Don’t be intimidated by his raised eyebrow when you raise your hand. Because as unsure as you are with what you’re about answer, he secretly admires the confidence and will mentally give you points for trying.
Unlike Timothy, he’s definitely a believer of homework and exams (and studying on weekends).
He’s demanding, for sure. And he knows his students despise him for it. But he’d rather push them to excel in even the smallest of tasks.
Eventually, they appreciate what he’s been trying to teach them all along: the value of working hard, doing one’s best, and not “resting on your laurels, you fools!”.
Every year the scholarship fund for minority students in need of financial assistance receives a hefty contribution from an anonymous donor on his birthday.
The thing is, these boys have received such topnotch training growing up with Bruce Wayne for most of their lives that they can be professors in multiple fields
Here ya go, @fleetof-fandoms.
Reblogging this here to promote my third page, on which I plan to post most of my original content. Accepting asks, but can’t promise I’ll get to answer all of them.
Thank you so, so, so much for supporting my other babies: a-wayne-at-heart (my eldest, which might need some “spring cleaning”) and incorrect-batfamily-quotes (this one, which will still endeavor to entertain with, you guessed it, incorrect batfamily quotes). 🙂
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 