Tag: mine

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

batmanisagatewaydrug:

tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber  

Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –

Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?

Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*

Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –

Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?

Batman: Hrrrn.

Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.

Red Robin: *wakes up with a jolt* Huh, what, where am I? Who are you?!

Driver: Sir, I’m your driver and you’re in an Uber that you booked…?

Red Robin: Oh. *relaxes into his seat, staining it further with the blood dripping from his suit*

Driver: *eyeing him through the rear view mirror* Costume party, huh?

Red Robin: *thinking about how patrol went and chuckling* Clowns, shrinks, hyenas… You name it.

Driver: Sounds wild.

Red Robin: *yawning* Yuppp yup yup.

Driver: Also, I just want to make sure, because it says here on the map that I’m supposed to drop you at *zooms the location in* a garbage dumpsite…?

Red Robin: Yeah, don’t worry about. *shuts his eyes and goes back to sleep*

batmanisagatewaydrug:

tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber  

Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –

Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?

Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*

Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –

Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?

Batman: Hrrrn.

Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.

a-wayne-at-heart:

If the Batboys had entrance music when they entered a battlefield…

DICK’s would be “Death of a Bachelor” by Panic! At the Disco…

JASON’s, “Heathens” by twenty one pilots…

TIM’s, “Basketcase” by Green Day…

And, DAMIAN’s, “The Imperial March” by John Williams.

dangerous-doodle:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Wally: *scoffs* Don’t listen to Dick. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. The guy eats cereal with a fork.

he wHAT

Nightwing, fresh from patrol with the Titans: *munching on said cereal* Look *swallows* I didn’t think I had to stop eating this stuff just because, uh… *looks around at all the unpacked boxes in his apartment* Look, I know the spoon’s in there somewhere. Been kinda busy. 🤷‍♂

a-wayne-at-heart:

When the Batboys disagree with Bruce…

Dick is the son who likes to (dramatically) talk it out with him (and hopefully hug it out after)…

Jason, the one who would rather steer clear of him to avoid a fist fight or any form of parenting from him…

Tim, the one who drowns himself in work (perhaps to collect enough evidence to prove his point)…

Damian, the one who makes snarky comments and spiteful comebacks, but ends up doing what his father says anyway.

*shrugs* Probably.

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

PET OWNERS

DICK:

  • Lots of jogging at the beach, cuddles on the bed and feeding from the table
  • Will leave pet with Damian in spite of… [see: Damian, 2nd item]

JASON:

  • Lots of “playdates” with Bizarro’s Pup-Pup
  • Has disinfectants and anti-odor sprays all over his pristine safe house

TIM:

  • Lots of incidents involving accidentally pouring coffee beans into dishes or aquariums
  • World’s Greatest Trainer (Them: “Did you just say that it can… solve crimes?” Him: *grins smugly*)

DAMIAN:

  • Lots. Of. Pets. (We all know this.)
  • Cannot be trusted to babysit due to risk of not getting one’s pet back
  • Impeccable grooming and clothes that match his

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

GROCERY SHOPPERS (sent by Alfred)

Dick:

  • Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
  • Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
  • Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier

Jason:

  • Most likely to stick to the grocery list
  • But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
  • Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady

Tim:

  • Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
  • Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)

Damian:

  • Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
  • Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

BABYSITTERS

(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)

Dick:

  • It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
  • Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
  • Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
  • Gentle disciplinarian.

Jason:

  • Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
  • Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
  • Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”

Tim:

  • Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
  • But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
  • Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
  • Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).

Damian:

  • Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
  • Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
  • Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.

The Robins as…

a-wayne-at-heart:

GYM RATS

DICK:

  • Often mistaken for the instructor. That’s understandable – He’ll help anyone who looks like they’re having a tough time.
  • He’s… distracting. For obvious reasons.
  • But, actually, it’s his positive energy that’ll make you keep coming back to finish the grueling regimen.
  • Will sometimes come in wearing a very loud outfit that screams “80s” because he knows that it amuses some people, then backs it up with a few Flying Grayson-esque stunts. 

JASON:

  • The one that other gym rats steer clear of.
  • He’s basically a shadow in a dark corner of the gym pumping 200 lb of iron with one arm while smoking a cigarette with the other.
  • What’s with the bright green liquid in his blood-stained water bottle?
  • As “mythical” as he seems, he’s actually adorably polite to the employees. (They swear they’ve caught him wink at them.)

TIM:

  • The one wearing a Bluetooth headset and a watch monitoring all his vital signs.
  • Pre-installed surveillance cameras that feed information directly into his laptop, which he’s constantly checking out as he works out. 
  • The other board members of Wayne Enterprises have no idea that he’s actually on the treadmill while on an online conference with them. (Pretty fit, Timmy!)
  • *referring to the stuff in his water bottle* “Oh, this? It’s, um, pure liquid caffeine.”

DAMIAN:

  • “Whose kid is this?” a staff member announced, right before his finger broke “inexplicably”. (It never happened again.)
  • If people steer clear of Jason, they’d rather not come in at all when they know it’s this little guy’s day.
  • You know that thing when the person next to you’s so condescending that he can’t help but smirk loudly and mutter “weak” every time he sees you break a sweat, but you can’t really do anything about it because he’ll growl at you (and who knows what else)? Yeah.
  • Besides, it’s uncomfortable every time his cat (Pennyworth, is it?) sits on your face while you’re trying to bench-press.