Tim [to Damian, or vice versa]: I don’t have to like you, I don’t have to be nice to you, and I can make fun of you whenever I want, because when it really comes down to it… I will always have your back.
Tag: mine
Paintball war at the Manor…
Dick: *whispering* Why did the Resurrected Robins stop firing?
Tim: *listening to every sound* I don’t know… They’re probably out of ammo.
Jason: *yelling from a makeshift fort in Damian’s room* Hey, Fake-Dead Robins, we are giving you a chance to surrender!
Dick: *aims his paintball marker at the draped Batman bedsheet* Yeah, they’re definitely out of ammo.
Jason: *reloading*
Tim: *yelling from behind a grandfather clock* Real guns don’t count, dude!
Damian: –
Dick: *yelling from beside Tim* Neither do blades, Little D, sorry!
Damian: *putting his katana back in his closet* -Tt-
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Jay’s got ammo, alright. @jasontoddbestafterdeath
Detective Montoya: Red Hood?
Red Hood: Hmmyes?
Montoya: I am Special Agent Montoya and you are extremely under arrest.
Superman [to Batman]: *sighs* Is this one of those times you ask me a question when you already know the answer?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And Bruce is like, “When is it not?”.
“Batman v Superman”…
Batman: I’m going to own your farm by the time this is over.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Your heat vision’s nothing to his billions of dollars, Clark.
“Do You Bleed?” AU
When your best friend asks you if you’d want to get away from crimefighting in the city for a while and just hang out at his farm…
Superman: So… ?
Batman: *stares off into the distance*
Superman: Um, Bruce… ?
Batman: *breathes in the air like he’s smelling fresh flowers*
Batman: Spending the day far away sounds like a dream, Clark. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by my children trying to kill each other.
Dick: You smited somebody?
Damian: Smote. The past tense of smite is smote.
Nope, but it’s probably canon that he’s arrogant enough to think that he is, @watchyourlanguagepeople.
When your brothers presesure you to hang out with them…
Tim: I kind of have plans.
Dick: You have another family?
Tim: Yeah, I, uh… I have a date.
Damian: You have a date?
Tim: Yes! I have a date.
Dick: With a… girl?
Tim: No, with a crouton. *rolls eyes* What is so strange about me having a date?
Jason: With a crouton?
Let me know how Tim’s crouton date goes
Jason: *laughing with the rest of the Batboys as they enter the Batcave* Look, there’s our little cassanova –
Batboys: *stop dead in their tracks*
Tim: *sobbing over a coffee mug*
Dick: You… okay, Tim?
Tim: *turns to face them, tears staining his scrunched face* Sh-she d-d-drowned…
Dick: She what…?
Jason: Woah, woah, woah –
Damian: What did you do to her, Drake?? Where exactly did you take her to??
Duke: Uhhh… Who’s “her”?
Tim: *shoves the mug towards them, spilling coffee on the ground*
Tim: *pointing at a soggy crouton floating pathetically in the black fluid* Her!
Dick: Ooookay. *carefully pries the mug off of Tim’s grip* Time for bed.
Jason: *fireman-carries a sobbing Tim away from the Batcomputer*
Duke: So… We’re just gonna pretend like this didn’t happen, right?
Damian: -Tt-
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
That’s how dates usually go when you decide to stay in a cave and work on cases all day, @kittyofalltrades .
Well that was….. expected. RIP to his crouton date.
Tim: *mumbling in his sleep* Oh, you like long walks on the beach? How about it, Ms. C? Wanna go for a diiii — *ZzzZzz*
Jason: See, @usuallyfoundinbookstores?
When your brothers presesure you to hang out with them…
Tim: I kind of have plans.
Dick: You have another family?
Tim: Yeah, I, uh… I have a date.
Damian: You have a date?
Tim: Yes! I have a date.
Dick: With a… girl?
Tim: No, with a crouton. *rolls eyes* What is so strange about me having a date?
Jason: With a crouton?
Let me know how Tim’s crouton date goes
Jason: *laughing with the rest of the Batboys as they enter the Batcave* Look, there’s our little cassanova –
Batboys: *stop dead in their tracks*
Tim: *sobbing over a coffee mug*
Dick: You… okay, Tim?
Tim: *turns to face them, tears staining his scrunched face* Sh-she d-d-drowned…
Dick: She what…?
Jason: Woah, woah, woah –
Damian: What did you do to her, Drake?? Where exactly did you take her to??
Duke: Uhhh… Who’s “her”?
Tim: *shoves the mug towards them, spilling coffee on the ground*
Tim: *pointing at a soggy crouton floating pathetically in the black fluid* Her!
Dick: Ooookay. *carefully pries the mug off of Tim’s grip* Time for bed.
Jason: *fireman-carries a sobbing Tim away from the Batcomputer*
Duke: So… We’re just gonna pretend like this didn’t happen, right?
Damian: -Tt-
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
That’s how dates usually go when you decide to stay in a cave and work on cases all day, @kittyofalltrades .
Imagine: Crisis on Infinite Universes.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 