When you ask your adoptive son how you can make up for all those lost years and he eagerly pulls out the new “Batman: Arkham Knight” game…
Jason: In the hunky robotic suit with adorable pointy ears, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this Manor, the amazeballs Jason Todd! *whistles and cheers*
Bruce: Hn.
Jason: And in the black, leather BatSpanx, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats – oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by –
bruce wayne: play? in this weather? with all that blue sky and sunshine?
Bruce: *still in his Batman suit, having just arrived from patrol, hissing as Alfred draws the kitchen curtains to let the sunshine in* Are you sure you’re up for it, son?
Damian: Jon’s waiting for me outside. He’s flying me to Metropolis.
Bruce: *fumbling with his utility belt* Here, bring some of this suncreen that just came out of R&D. There’s something about the sunshine in that place, might explain why Clark’s getting stronger. While you’re there, perhaps you could collect some solar energy –
Damian: *slamming the door as he exits the Manor* Byyyye, Father!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
This reminds me of that spread in a Superman/Batman issue where Clark takes over for Bruce in Gotham while the latter is conducting an investigation in Metropolis and we’re given an insight into what they really think of each other’s city. And it’s almost as if Batman is horrified by how bright and smog-free Metropolis is. I love that spread.
Idk some Gothamites are wack, they’d probably be into it
Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter of the Daily Planet, following up on a lead at said bar: Jason? What’re you doing all the way here? Does your fath- Bruce know you’re here?
Alfred: *throws hands up in exasperation as the five-course dinner he prepared grows cold* Well, the boys are off. I wonder where they went.
Bruce: Out of town.
Alfred: How do you know, Master Bruce?
Bruce: I told them not to.
Jason: *oblivious to the remnants of the scrumptuous five-course meal he just devoured hanging off the corner of his mouth as realization dawns on him* Son of a bat…
Dick: Right?
Tim: It didn’t seem suspicious to you? At all?
Damian: -Tt- Reverse psychology. I wouldn’t put it past Father.
Duke: Or is it reverse-reverse psychology… ?
Alfred: *grinning smugly while placing a slice of homemade blueberry mousse in front of each of them* Does it really matter, young masters?
Red Hood: Hey, c’mere @alias-sunshine, you know what we’re gonna do? I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna show that teacher of yours… Oh, man. Come on, I’ll show you something. *gestures for them to follow him*
alias-sunshine: *follows them to a walk-in closet in Jason’s safe house*
Red Hood: *approaches the steel-doored closet and holds a hand up* Wait here.
Red Hood: *Retinal Scan – PASSED*
Red Hood: *Palm Print Scan – PASSED*
Red Hood: *Voice Recognition*
Red Hood: It’s me.
Voice-activated Lock: Voice not recognized. Attempt one of three before Code Red Protocol is activated.
Red Hood: You listen here, I programmed you –
Voice-activated Lock: Attempt two of three. Initializing –
Red Hood: No, no! Wait. Stop. Okay.
Red Hood: *glances at alias-sunshine shyly, rubs his neck sheepishly, then whispers to the mic* The Handsome Robin.
Voice-activated Lock: Voice unintelligible. Attempt three of –
Red Hood: THE HANDSOME ROBIN!
Voice-activated Lock: Well, hello there, Jason Todd. *door opens*
Red Hood: *chuckles in embarrassment* It’s broken. *clears his throat* Right this way.
Red Hood: *takes a wooden box with a poorly drawn Robin symbol on it from a shelf, opens it, then takes out a yellowing piece of paper*
Red Hood: *hands it to alias-sunshine* See that? That’s how we’re gonna show your teacher.
Paper [a comic book panel from Batman Annual #12 (1988)]:
alias-sunshine: *looks at him, puzzled*
Red Hood: *places a hand on their shoulder* We’re gonna study like crazy, kid. I’m gonna show you the ropes. We’re gonna train for your exams like Riddler’s making ‘em. And your teacher’s head is gonna spin with all the good grades they’ll be handing you. *sighs in contentment* I mean, will you look at that G.P.A…. I should probably change my password to “The Smartest Robin” –
Red Robin: *entering through a window* Too bad the title’s already taken.
Red Hood: How’d you – Never mind.
Red Robin: I fixed a few glitches in your security system. *sees alias-sunshine, then looks at Jason questioningly* Hey… ?
Red Hood: It’s a long story. *gestures haphazardly as he makes introductions* alias-sunshine, Red Robin, Loser, alias-sunshine.
Red Robin: *grins and shakes hands with alias-sunshine*
Red Hood: What’re you even doing he–
Red Robin: *snatches the paper from alias-sunshine’s hand and snaps a photo of it* Dude, is this… ?
Red Hood: *grabs it from Tim* Gimme that! You’ll get it all dirty.
Red Robin: How… how do you have that?
Red Hood: *carefully replacing the paper in the wooden box* None of your business, Tim. I have… connections.
Red Robin: How is this even possible, Jay? With all the continuity changes we’ve been through, we might not even be on the same timeline as that report card… *scrolling through the contacts on his communicator* I’m sending this to Bruce. Or Barry Allen. Or maybe Mr. Mxyzptlik?
Red Hood: *slowly faces Tim with narrowed eyes* How do you know about continuity changes?
Red Robin: I, uh… *runs back to the window and grapple-hooks out of it* Gotta go! See ya arouuund, alias-sunshiiiiine!
Red Hood [to alias-sunshine]: We’re gonna pretend you didn’t just witness that, alright? Look, kid… About the whole adoption thing… That’s kind of Batman’s department. Not sure what you’ve heard, but he’s *sigh* really not that bad. *rapidly blinks away tears that’re threatening to fall*
Red Hood: But my offer still stands. Tutorials, after classes, two hours a day, three days a week, unlimited Batburgers with Jokerized fries on me. *offers to bump fists* You in?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 