When your legally dead brother’s “low-key” bitter that he wasn’t included in the latest Wayne Family painting…
Tim: Did you just paste your picture over our family portrait?
Jason: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Tim: You pasted it over my face.
Jason: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Tag: jason todd
Jason: You’re going to be okay.
Tim: Am I?
Jason: *shrugs* Yeah, ‘cause you’re, like, ten times more resilient than me, and I’m okay.
Are you though, Jay?
Cue heavy rainfall and dramatic lighting…
Red Hood: You are beyond pathetic, Dick!
Nightwing: Who’s more pathetic? The one who sees hope to make our family whole? Or the coward who can only see the world through his own fear?
Now HUG.
Damian: You stand accused of betraying your own family as the Red Hood, Todd. How do you plead?
Jason: I plead you to shut up.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Would you at least let him finish eating his breakfast first, Dami?
Red Hood: *walks into the Batcave and heads directly to the Medical Bay*
Tim and Damian: *yelling insults at each other*
Red Hood: *reaches out for the bandages and grimaces in pain as he straightens his bleeding leg*
Tim and Damian: *take their argument into the Medical Bay and start grabbing surgical tools to throw at each other*
Red Hood: *pulls them apart by the scruff of their necks*
Red Hood: I’ve been shot at, thrown out of an airplane and generally mistreated by a lot of bad guys. This bickering is pretty much more that I can take. I’m going outside to get some fresh air. When I get back, you two better be calmed down or we’re breaking out the ball gags.
Family Patrol Night…
Nightwing: *stares questioningly at his brothers after hearing about a mission gone awry*
Red Robin: *wiping soot off his face and picking shrapnel from his uniform* Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum over there.
Red Hood: *scraping dried mud off his combat boots*
Robin: *throwing the shards that used to be his sword into a garbage can* -Tt-
Nightwing: Uh… Who are they?
Red Robin and Robin: THEY’RE BOTH JASON!
When your adoptive father has trust issues with your crimefighting methods…
Red Hood: *running through a dark alley*
Red Hood: *stops abruptly and catches his breath*
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes at his little brother, who’s in the Batjet hovering above him* I don’t need to be monitored all day long, brat. I’m not a toddler. This is stupid.
Robin [on the Comm Link]: I know you’re not, Todd, because toddlers would know that “stupid” is a no-no word.
Mission briefing…
Batman: *clears his throat loudly* So unless anybody *glares at Tim for two whole seconds* has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we’re gonna stick with: the Warthog. How about it, Tim?
Red Robin: Nope. No more suggestions.
Batman: Hn. Okay, now if you’ll all –
Red Hood: *blurting out* Are you sure? How ‘bout “Big Foot”?
Red Robin: *gritting his teeth* It’s okay.
Nightwing: *trying to stifle his laughter* “Unicorn”?
Red Robin: *gripping his bo staff tighter* No, really. I’m… I’m cool.
Robin: *smirking* “Sasquatch”?
The Signal: *elbowing Tim* “Leprechaun”?
Red Robin: *elbowing Duke back and getting really annoyed* Hey, he doesn’t need any help, guys.
Spoiler: *yelling as she enters the Batcave* “Phoenix”?
Red Robin: *sighs and rubs his face in frustration* Guys.
Batman: *grinning* Barbara, what’s the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.
Batgirl: *sarcastically looking it up on the Batcomputer* Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, Bruce.
Orphan: *drops down from the ceiling* Tim, Chupa-thingy, how ‘bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it.
Red Robin: *attempts to melt onto the Batcave floor*
Jason: *picks up a piece of paper by the phone*
Jason: Timbo, what’s this? A phone message?
Tim: Yeah. Some dude called for you.
Jason: Who? I can’t read your handwriting.
Tim: *reads the message out loud* “You’re a big, selfish jerk.”
Jason: Okay, I know who it is.
Tim: Probably Roy.
Jason: Yup, Roy.
When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…
Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –
Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*
Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*
Tim: *wakes up*
Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*
Bruce: *freezes up*
Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*
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