At the start of the training sessions in the “Robin War” story arc…
Agent 37: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Robin Club. The first rule of Robin Club is: you do not talk about Robin Club.
Red Hood: The second rule of Robin Club is: you do not talk about Robin Club.
Red Robin: The third rule of Robin Club: someone yells “stop”, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.
Agent 37: The fourth rule: only two Robins to a fight. The fifth rule: one fight at a time, guys and gals. The sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. The seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to.
Robin: And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first night at Robin Club, you have to fight.
Idk some Gothamites are wack, they’d probably be into it
Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter of the Daily Planet, following up on a lead at said bar: Jason? What’re you doing all the way here? Does your fath- Bruce know you’re here?
Nightwing [on the Comm Link]: *on his motorcycle, tailing them* Did you two just push Tim out of the moving Batmobile and yell, “You’re out of the team”?!
Red Hood: Now, in hindsight, that does seem kind of rash.
Robin: *pulling into a Batburger drive-through* It was kind of a snap decision.
A Guide By Tim Drake Wayne PhD (Department of Family Dysfunction)
1. Sedate the wild Damian.
The wild Damian, or Demonicus damiansis, can often be found in one of two places – in his chambers, where he can be found painting, meditating, or grooming his animals, or in the Cave, pestering his progenitor.
2. Approach the wild Damian
This is best done with food. The creature is most attracted to hummus and pita bread, but is also partial to peanuts.
3. Avoid the Mother-Brother (Lovebugis dickus)
It should be noted that the Damian is a juvenile, and is thus under the protection of a most hysterical mother-brother amalgamation. This creature is called Dick Grayson, and should be carefully dealt with.
4. Distract the Mother-Brother
The Dick Grayson ceature can be drawn away with mention of another sibling-creature, notably, the Jaybird littlewingus.
5. Lure the Wild Damian
Now alone, it is easy to lure the wild Damian with the tantalizing hummus and pita meal. For maximum trust, claim that the meal was sent by the grandfather – Alfredus nobilis.
6. Act Quickly!
Now spring your trap! Quickly pounce upon and tie the Damian up, and hang him upside down from the coat rack.
Escape quickly, lest the Dick Grayson returns, for he is sure to be vexed.
Alfred: *throws hands up in exasperation as the five-course dinner he prepared grows cold* Well, the boys are off. I wonder where they went.
Bruce: Out of town.
Alfred: How do you know, Master Bruce?
Bruce: I told them not to.
Jason: *oblivious to the remnants of the scrumptuous five-course meal he just devoured hanging off the corner of his mouth as realization dawns on him* Son of a bat…
Dick: Right?
Tim: It didn’t seem suspicious to you? At all?
Damian: -Tt- Reverse psychology. I wouldn’t put it past Father.
Duke: Or is it reverse-reverse psychology… ?
Alfred: *grinning smugly while placing a slice of homemade blueberry mousse in front of each of them* Does it really matter, young masters?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 