Arkham Knight [about Batman]: I’d lock up my own father if I thought he was scamming street rats.
Scarecrow: Your own father?
Arkham Knight: … But with lots of back-up.
Some dads just don’t go down that easily. A son knows.
Tag: jason todd
After the Batfamily asked him to lay low for a bit…
Jason: I was… jogging.
Bruce: Jogging. In leather pants, a kevlar hoodie, and muddy work boots.
Bruce: Hn.
Red Robin: You’ll play nice?
Red Hood: Right up until nice doesn’t work.
Arsenal: *whispering* I’ll be discreet, I promise. I left my bazooka in the tank.
Red Hood: *rolls eyes under the helmet*
Nightwing/Red Hood/Red Robin/Robin: I’m a Robin. If something good happens, that just means that something bad is right around the corner.
Dick: *decides to move on from being Robin and become Nightwing*
Bruce: Is there anything I can say?
Dick: You can give me your word that you’ll be just as hard on my successor as you were on me.
Bruce: You have my word.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Red Hood, upon hearing this anecdote: Why, that little piece of sh–
When you’re sick and tired of Batman’s kids causing property damage in the city…
Commissioner Gordon [to Red Hood]: You’re under arrest for being a complete idiot.
The Robins as…
HOSPITAL PATIENTS:
Dick:
- “Oh, those glass shards on my back? I get them all the time. No biggie. Hey, do you guys serve cereal?”
- The staff love checking him ou – er, checking up on him.
- Regales them with stories of past injuries, which none of them can believe are even possible (”Then how are you still alive?”)
Jason
- Fake ID (since, you know, legally dead and all)
- Wheeled into the hospital room by 5 AM, out through the window in a hospital gown and onto a waiting motorcycle by 5:15 AM
Tim:
- Double-checks every diagnosis and every medication and cross-references them with similar cases in the city (and occasionally schools whomever is unfortunate enough to check up on him)
- Who knows how pure liquid caffeine got injected into his IV bottle?
Damian:
- “You call this food? My father will buy this place!”
- Physical examination? You might as well put your hand inside a Tasmanian devil’s tunnel.
The Robins as…
DANCE INSTRUCTORS
Dick
- A lot of different styles, but mostly contempo or jazz
- Daily outfits range from booty shorts to harem pants
- Mind-blowing fluidity (and that he’s so easy to look at and utterly approachable is just the cherry on top)
Jason
- Capoeira (or any style that’s close to a martial art)
- Free sessions especially held for street kids (with Batburger meals on his tab if they choose to hang out afterwards)
- Encourages students to embrace their individuality in self-expression
Tim
- “I said a hip hop, hippie to the hippie, the hip, hip a hop, and you don’t stop, a rock it out”
- Co-instructs with Cass, who’ll teach ballet from time to time
- Makes sure to emphasize discipline as much as he does fun
Damian
- Traditional dances from all over the world (like the Arabian Dabke) – recital-level costumes included
- Yoga as warm-up (preferrably the one that involves goats)
- “Water breaks are for the weak”
Who teaches pole dancing?
Alfred: *referring to a dusty pole dancing kit that he just retreived from the ancient Wayne Manor attic* Master Bruce, where would you like this installed?
Bruce: Hn. The training room.
Alfred: *wistful* What were you, 18? 20? I forget.
Bruce: It’s been a while, yes. And it’s time my children learned how to use it, too. The skills are definitely transferrable to combat.
Alfred: Well, I’m certain Master Dick has an idea, but carry on. And, please, keep it decent.
Who, indeed, @dead-birbs-tell-no-tails .
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *ranting about how his Nightwing suit’s starting to tighten around his hips and thighs*
Jason: I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 