Jason: *groggily opens one eye as he feels the foot of his bed dip*
Jason: *hears a small noise from the kitchen as both his eyes begin to adjust to the darkness, the soreness of his battle-weary body returning*
Jason: *quietly reaches under his pillow for one of his guns, his finger ready to disengage the safety switch at a moment’s notice, but is abruptly stopped by.. Voices?*
Artemis: *whispering* The man just clearly came from patrol. The considerate thing to do would be to let him rest, Arrow Boy.
Arsenal: *angrily whispering back* Listen, lady, I’ve known Jaybird far longer than you have, so don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do –
Starfire: *hissing* Roy, that’s enough –
Artemis: *in a booming voice* Don’t you “lady” me, you mortal –
Jason: *feels his heart speed up when the glint of a familiar axe catches his eye and attempts to get up and stop whatever war is unfolding before him, but loses his balance as his entire bed moves*
Bizarro: *shifting his position at the foot of Jason’s bed, excitedly yelling* RED HIM AM AWAKE! RED HIM AM AWAKE!
Arsenal, Starfire, and Artemis: *immediately stop bickering and look at Jason with fondness*
Jason: *rubbing his eyes tiredly* Why’re you all looking at me like th– hHUrrkK!
Bizarro: *hugging him tightly* BIZARRO AND PUP PUP AM MISS YOU SO MUCH!
Jason: *gasping for air as Bizarro lets him go* I miss you, too, big buddy, but I’m pretty sure you just pulverized my broken bo– mMPh! Mmm hmmm…
Artemis: *releases Jason from their kiss and smiles shyly* Forgive me…
Jason: *grins dreamily at Artemis* You’re forgiven…
Starfire: *softly places a hand on Jason’s shoulder* It’s so good to see you.
Jason: It’s good to see you, too, Kory… All of you… But, um… What’re all of you doing here at *glances at the clock on his night table*… two in the morning?
Arsenal: Kory and I got here first!
Artemis: *rolls her eyes* Your immaturity continues to astound me.
Jason: Okaaay… *reaching for his phone* What day is it, anyway?
Bizarro: It am Apr–
Arsenal: *covers Bizarro’s mouth and chuckles nervously* It am doesn’t matter! Is what he meant to say.
Starfire: *gently pushes Jason back to bed, covers him with a blanket, and tucks Pup Pup under his arm* We can talk later, okay? Go to sleep. And when you wake up, we’ll be here.
Jason: *yawns and lets the darkness overtake him once more, uncertain whether seeing his closest friends all together was just a dream or not, but grateful either way*
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
@wingedskyes, let’s just say that the 27th of April tends to be a long day for the people who care about him. And it’s only just begun.
Red Hood: *taps his foot impatiently while he checks his watch for the nth time* Come on, come on, come on. Make the drop, you guys.
Red Hood: *sighs in frustration as he disassembles and reassembles his pistol in 15 seconds flat for the nth time* Let’s get it over with.
Red Hood: *peeks from behind a stack of crates for the nth time* I don’t have all day. I promised Alfred I’d make it to dinner on time –
Red Hood: *stares at his ringing phone with narrowed eyes*
Red Hood: *picks it up* Roman.
Black Mask [on the phone]: *chuckling* Jason, my dear boy! How’ve you been? You look healthy. Very much alive, even.
Red Hood: *spots the tiny, hidden camera attached to a steel beam above him (How in the world did he miss that?) andcocks both his guns* Where are your men, ugly face?
Black Mask: Don’t you speak to me that way, you little rat! Before I make you a very D-E-A-… Hm. Forget I said that.
Red Hood: What?
Black Mask: The point is you’ve wasted your time waiting for nothing. So get lost!
Red Hood: Don’t lie to me! I’ve been tracking your every move for weeks and this warehouse reeks of your poisonous, criminal stench –
Black Mask: *lets out a drawn-out sigh* Listen, just go home, kid. The carnage you were looking forward to today? Newsflash: It ain’t happening!
Red Hood: You don’t tell me what to do, you sick son of a –
Black Mask: I tell you what: You go home tonight – and I mean home – I’ll forward you the coordinates of every illegal shipment to and from Janus Cosmetics within a hundred mile radius. You can blow it all up for all I care. Deal?
Red Hood: And if you don’t? If you lie to me?
Black Mask: *growling* You’ll find them anyway, you always do!
Red Hood: Why?
Black Mask: Hm?
Red Hood:Why?
Black Mask: *plays a vinyl record in the background, sounding more relaxed* Because there are better days to dance our tango, Jason… Da-rum, da-rum, da-rum da-ra…
Red Hood: …
Red Hood: Did Batman put you up to this?
Black Mask: *crumpling a piece of paper near the phone speaker* You’re breaking up! *click*
>>> *** <<<
[Safe house, undisclosed location, 1815 H]
Red Hood: *fumbling as he enters the wrong passcode to the steel door for the third time in a row* Crap! Crap! Crap! I’m gonna be late!
Lock: Password incorrect. Initializing Code Red Protocol in three, two, o–
Red Hood: Override the stupid passcode! Activate voice recognition!
Lock: Activating voice recognition –
Red Hood: The Handsome Robin! The Handsome Robin!
Lock: Welcome, Jason Todd. Opening door n–
Red Hood: Hello, Safe House! *squeezes himself in the still-narrow space, then trips over his weapons, armor, and garments as he hurriedly strips himself of them en route to the bathroom*
Red Hood: *abruptly stops in his tracks* What the fuuhhh…
Red Hood: *watches as bubbly, green fluid oozes out of his bathtub*
Red Hood: *picks up the rolled piece of parchment beside his Batshampoo, unties the ribbon around it, and spreads it open*
Note: “In case you needed more. [signed] The Demon’s Head”
>>> *** <<<
[Crime Alley, 1903 H]
Red Hood: *groans as he realizes that his motorcycle just ran out of fuel*Seriously?
Harley Quinn: *rollerblading into view* Hey, Baby J! Need a lift? *holds up an extra pair of roller blades*
Red Hood: Yeahhhh no.
Harley Quinn: Come on! It’ll be fun! And I promise I won’t bite cha. *winks*
Red Hood: Oh, what the heck. *grabs the roller blades* So you really just carry around an extra pair of blades, huh? *proceeds to put his on*
Harley Quinn: Nope! But I’ve had this with me for a while now. *takes out a tiny package from the pocket of her shorts and hands it to Jason*
Red Hood: *examines it* Hm.
Harley Quinn: It ain’t poisoned or nothin’! Pinky swear! *holds out her pinky*
Red Hood: *frowning* What is it?
Harley Quinn: *claps her hands excitedly* Open it! Open it!
Red Hood: *gingerly unfolds the bubble gum wrapper and holds up its minuscule content* … A tiny crowbar?
Harley Quinn: Yes! You can open envelopes with it! Stir coffee with it! Hit tiny Mistah J’s on the noggin’ with it –
Red Hood: *chuckles and puts the gift in his jacket pocket* Okay, okay, I get it. Thanks, I guess.
Harley Quinn: *holds her hand out to Jason* Come on! You’re gonna be late! Alfie ain’t gonna be happy!
Jason: *groggily opens one eye as he feels the foot of his bed dip*
Jason: *hears a small noise from the kitchen as both his eyes begin to adjust to the darkness, the soreness of his battle-weary body returning*
Jason: *quietly reaches under his pillow for one of his guns, his finger ready to disengage the safety switch at a moment’s notice, but is abruptly stopped by.. Voices?*
Artemis: *whispering* The man just clearly came from patrol. The considerate thing to do would be to let him rest, Arrow Boy.
Arsenal: *angrily whispering back* Listen, lady, I’ve known Jaybird far longer than you have, so don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do –
Starfire: *hissing* Roy, that’s enough –
Artemis: *in a booming voice* Don’t you “lady” me, you mortal –
Jason: *feels his heart speed up when the glint of a familiar axe catches his eye and attempts to get up and stop whatever war is unfolding before him, but loses his balance as his entire bed moves*
Bizarro: *shifting his position at the foot of Jason’s bed, excitedly yelling* RED HIM AM AWAKE! RED HIM AM AWAKE!
Arsenal, Starfire, and Artemis: *immediately stop bickering and look at Jason with fondness*
Jason: *rubbing his eyes tiredly* Why’re you all looking at me like th– hHUrrkK!
Bizarro: *hugging him tightly* BIZARRO AND PUP PUP AM MISS YOU SO MUCH!
Jason: *gasping for air as Bizarro lets him go* I miss you, too, big buddy, but I’m pretty sure you just pulverized my broken bo– mMPh! Mmm hmmm…
Artemis: *releases Jason from their kiss and smiles shyly* Forgive me…
Jason: *grins dreamily at Artemis* You’re forgiven…
Starfire: *softly places a hand on Jason’s shoulder* It’s so good to see you.
Jason: It’s good to see you, too, Kory… All of you… But, um… What’re all of you doing here at *glances at the clock on his night table*… two in the morning?
Arsenal: Kory and I got here first!
Artemis: *rolls her eyes* Your immaturity continues to astound me.
Jason: Okaaay… *reaching for his phone* What day is it, anyway?
Bizarro: It am Apr–
Arsenal: *covers Bizarro’s mouth and chuckles nervously* It am doesn’t matter! Is what he meant to say.
Starfire: *gently pushes Jason back to bed, covers him with a blanket, and tucks Pup Pup under his arm* We can talk later, okay? Go to sleep. And when you wake up, we’ll be here.
Jason: *yawns and lets the darkness overtake him once more, uncertain whether seeing his closest friends all together was just a dream or not, but grateful either way*
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
@wingedskyes, let’s just say that the 27th of April tends to be a long day for the people who care about him. And it’s only just begun.
Dick: Okay. *takes out a clipboard and a bunch of entrance tickets* Roll call.
Jason: This is dumb. We’re not kids.
Dick: *grins* Hey, we don’t get to do this a lot, so we should do it right. I don’t want anyone getting lost.
Dick: *tosses a walkie-talkie to each of his siblings* Now, do you remember your code names?
He’s also the first one to get lost once they get in because he’s just raring to try every ride he can. But he particularly enjoys those where he feels like he’s freefalling.
Ride Attendant: *deadpan* Sir, I don’t know how you did that, but if you don’t get back behind those safety restraints I’m going to have to ask you to get off this thing.
Dick: *reduces his dislocated shoulder and winks at them before spreading his wings arms and jumping off (much to the attendant’s horror)*
How he gets Bruce to come on these family trips is beyond anyone…
Dick: You promised me, Bruce. We pinky-swore.
Bruce: *trying to solve a cold case on the Batcomputer* Those things aren’t binding, Dick.
Dick: They are to me.
… Let alone how he gets Bruce to ride the Bumper Cars every time.
Dick: *excitedly tapping the steering wheel with his fingers* Isn’t this fun, Bruce? This time you get to be a rogue, and I get to be Batman chasing you in the Batmobile.
Bruce: *in the car across from Dick’s, struggling to fit into it and trying to fasten the flimsy seat belt* Hrrrn.
>>> — <<<
JASON:
While his family and their friends race to the most thrilling rides, he usually heads elsewhere by himself. Everyone assumes he’s the daredevil (and they’re right). But, if truth be told, he only comes on these family trips for a different kind of escape: solitude.
Jason: *lights up a cigarette as he takes in the breathtaking view from the top of the Ferris wheel, which had stopped turning*
Damian: *dangling from a spoke cable near Jason’s cabin* Todd.
Jason: *gets startled and drops his cigarette into the abyss* WHA- HOW – DID YOU JUST CLIMB UP THIS THING?
Damian: *jumps into the cabin, sits across from Jason, and dusts himself off*
Jason: Shouldn’t you be down there having fun, kid?
Damian: This place is overrated.
Jason: You’re too young to be this cynical.
Damian: -Tt- What do you know?
Jason: *takes another cigarette from his jacket pocket, lights it up, then takes a drag* I know you think it’s too late for you to have a childhood, but it’s not, alright? Look, Robin’s a great gig and everything – Heck, I loved every second of it until, well… What I’m trying to say is that sometimes we forget that we have a life outside of being Batman’s sidekick.
Damian: *shuffling his feet awkwardly*
Jason: *chuckles* I know all the sweetest rides. Next time we come here, you stick with me, deal?
Damian: *grins* Deal.
Jason and Damian: *enjoy the silence that follows*
>>> — <<<
TIM:
Show-off, that’s what he is.
Carnival Attendant: *exhausted from re-stacking the milk jugs for the nth time*
Tim: *handing over the nth stuffed toy he’s won in a row* Here you go.
The nth child to approach him: *enthusiastic* Thank you, mister!
Carnival Attendant: *wiping sweat off their forehead* Boy, I think it’s time you moved to another booth.
Tim: *sheepishly scratching his head* Oh, um, they’ve all already kind of asked me to do that, so…
He’s not very good at separating work from pleasure.
Dick [on the walkie-talkie]: Timmy? Over. Where are you? Over. Wanna try Lex’s “Drop of Doom” with me –
Tim: *moving at 100 km/hr* Not now, Dick! Over!
Dick: Woah, what’re you on? It sounds like you’re moving really fast. Over.
Tim: Ziplining! Over! Roger! Whatever! Gotta go –
Dick: Wait, what? There’s a zip li– *static*
Tim: *crashes into the criminal he’s been tracking down* GOTCHA!
Let’s just say maybe he’s not the best person to bring to an amusement park (as his ex-girlfriend Zoanne Wilkins would attest to in canon).
Tim: *yawning*
Bruce: *frowning* You have footprints on your face.
Tim: *slaps Bruce’s hand away as the latter attempts to wipe it off* It’s a new look.
Alfred: I trust you enjoyed your nap on the Bouncy Castle, Master Timothy?
Dick: *throws hands up in frustration* I thought we talked about this. No going on patrol at least one day before this trip, remember?
>>> — <<<
DAMIAN:
Tim: *squatting slightly to be face-to-face with Damian* Do you know what they do to children who can’t reach the height limit for rides, brat?
Damian: Shut your fat mouth, Drake!
Tim: *grinning mischievously* They don’t let them ride anything but those spinning teacups –
Alfred:Enough, Master Timothy.
Drake and his nonsense, right? Of course he’s tall enough (making him breathe a secret sigh of relief). But maybe, just maybe, those teacups would be better than:
Damian: *covering his ears and glaring at Dick, who’s been gleefully screaming his head off, for the entire duration of the roller coaster ride*
Dick: *pumping his fists in the air as the ride slows down to a stop* Woohoooo! Wanna do it again, Little D?
Damian: -Tt- *gets up once the restraints are lifted and trudges away*
He doesn’t understand how his siblings are still this exhilarated to be in such a “juvenile” place when they face actual life-and-death situations on an almost-daily basis. Until…
Damian: *tugs on Bruce’s sleeve* Father. I need $200.
Bruce: Son, you don’t have to pay every time you get on a ride –
Damian: No, not for those things! It’s for that. *points at a souvenir shop* And that. *points at a cotton candy cart* And that. *points at a poster of an upcoming musical performance*
Alfred: *gives Bruce a pointed look*
Bruce: *takes his wallet out* Here, take my card.
Damian: *grabs Alfred’s hand* Let’s go, Pennyworth! We’ve no time to waste!
Bruce: *grins as he watches Damian drag Alfred with him*
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
They’re definitely not your typical theme park-going family, @alias-sunshine. Thanks for this suggestion. The boys needed a break.
Bruce: *steps out of the Batcave and into the Manor after patrol*
Bruce: *pauses*
Bruce: *sighs wearily*
Bruce: *in a loud, deadpan voice* Where, oh, where can my eldest child be?
Dick: *covered from head-to-toe in body paint, blending in with the wallpaper in the library*
Dick: *yelling and giggling* You’ll never find me, Bruce! I took the tracker out of my arm this morning!
>>> — <<<
Batman: *working on the Batcomputer* Were you able to get the stuff I needed from GCPD like I asked you to?
Nightwing: *carries an evidence box and drops it on the table beside Bruce* Yup! Yup, yup, yup. Just like you asked.
Batman: *opens the box* Hn.
Batman: *takes a heavy book entitled “Batman and Robin: The Golden Age” out of it and glares at Dick* What’s this?
Nightwing: Gee whiz! How’d that get in there? I’ve been looking all over for it!
Batman: *handing the book over to Dick* Take it –
Nightwing: *already slowly backing out of the Batcave* Come to think of it, how about you and I read it before I sleep? It really helps take care of those gosh-darned nightmares! *running out* See you later, Bruce!
Batman: Hrrrrn. *wiping dust from the yellowing cover* See you later, chum.
>>> — <<<
Red Robin: Are you serious right now, Dick? I’m already dressed. And I’ve been tracking our mark for three weeks now.
Nightwing: Yeah. Batman said so.
Red Hood: Let me just run that by everyone again. *inhaling deeply* Bruce said we couldn’t go on patrol with the two of you tonight…?
Nightwing: Um-hmm. Sorry, guys.
Robin: Grayson, that doesn’t even make sense! It’s family patrol night.
Nightwing: Yeah, well, maybe the rest of you can just –
Nightwing: *hears the Batmobile revving up* Gotta go!
[In the Batmobile…]
Batman: *activating the tracking device and backing out of the Batcave as Dick gets into the passenger side* Where’s everyone?
Nightwing: Huh?
Batman: *stares at Dick suspiciously* Your siblings. Are they ready?
Nightwing: *shrugs* Oh. They all said something about this other mission that they had to take care of or whatever. Hey, mind if we pass by Bat Burger real quick?
[Three hours later…]
Batgirl: *passing the binoculars to Tim*Called it.
Red Robin: *looks through it and watches in amusement as Bruce and Dick eat Batburgers atop a gargoyle from three buildings away*Well, I’ll be darned. *passes the binoculars to Steph*
Spoiler: *looks through it* Ugh! This is making me hungry.
Robin: *grabs the binoculars from Steph* Let me see! Let me see! *looks through it for a good two minutes, then passes it to Duke* -Tt- That traitor.
The Signal: *looks through the binoculars for moment, then passes it to Cass* It’s almost like he’s a kid again.
Black Bat: *looks through it and sighs happily* It’s adorable.
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: I’m afraidMaster Dick’s been competing with all of you for Master Bruce’s attention for so long that he’s… regressing.
Red Hood: *chuckles* If he wanted to spend some alone time with the old Bat that badly, he could’ve just said so.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 