When your heavily sleep-deprived, case-obssessed brother hasn’t even changed his clothes in three days…
Jason: *loudly slurping a milkshake*
Tim: *pauses from typing on the Batcomputer*
Jason: *burps loudly*
Tim: *grits teeth* You know what I don’t have time for?
Jason: *wipes his mouth sloppily with the back of his hand* Shopping for clothes?
Tag: jason todd
When you wake up strapped to the back of your brother’s motorcycle after being infected by Scarecrow’s fear toxin…
Red Robin: Just curious. What happened between your safe house and right now?
Red Robin: Well, you were hysterical, Tim, so I thought the best thing to do would be to inject you with a tranquilizer, drive you to a private air field, put you on a stolen plane, fly you overnight to Gateway City, and then… that brings us to now.
When Red Hood and Arsenal were approached by the government regarding Task Force X…
Amanda: The information you’re about to hear is top secret. Unauthorized publication or leaking of this information would be an act of high treason, for which you would be tried and convicted by a secret military tribunal and summarily executed.
Amanda: So, no, Mr. Harper, I don’t think a selfie would be appropriate.
Sometime during Nightwing’s “Brothers in Blood” story arc…
BPD Police Officer: Excuse me, I am effecting an arrest!
Red Hood: Great. While you’re at it, arrest him.
Officer: Who?
Nightwing: *angrily screaming at Red Hood while jumping out of an eighth-story window*
Red Hood: *smirks* If for nothing else, that outfit.
When you’ve gotta go rescue your eldest brother…
Red Hood: Well, I guess that settles that! I mean, it’s not like we can just waltz into enemy territory and… Well, I certainly can’t.
Robin: Can’t? Or won’t?
Red Hood: Both, either, all! They’d shoot me on sight, Little D.
Red Hood: And if you want Big D so damn bad, you can go get him your–
* sound of Batmobile tires screeching *
Red Hood: Huh. I didn’t think he’d actually do it.
—
Really, Jay? You thought Dami was beyond doing something like that?
Red Robin: Please tell me that’s a smoke grenade.
Red Hood: Okay.
Red Hood: It’s not, though.
Batman: *glaring* Have I made myself clear?
Red Hood: You’re looking for the answer “Yes”.
Batman: *grits teeth* Yes.
Red Hood: Then, “yes”.
When you’re trying to get work done but your sons decide that the Batcave is the ideal place for a squabble…
Jason: Well, what’s the word for you, Tim? You freaked out when I said “replacement”!
Tim: Imagine that!
Jason: You imagine it!
Bruce: *slams his fist on the Batcomputer*
Bruce: Both of you! Imagine. Shutting. Up.
Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…
*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*
Henchman: *whimpers*
Red Robin: I think he gets it.
Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!
Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?
Henchman: Yes! Please!
Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –
Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –
Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –
Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.
When your little brother’s leaving for boarding school and you won’t be seeing him for a while…
Jason: Little D…
Damian: Yes?
Jason: I’m gonna miss you, kid.
Damian: Of course you are.
Jason: *slams limousine door shut*
Jason: *dusts off hands* Well, he just made that easier.
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