Tag: jason todd

Which of the batkids can I hug without them stabbing/shooting me?that is the Question

Red Hood: *pointing a gun at Dick’s foot* I beg you, Boy Wonder, freakin’ dare me!

Nightwing: *disarms Jason with a twirl of his escrima stick* Yeah, that’s right, Boy Wonder, the original, which means I get to go first, Little Wing –

Robin: *scoffs and cuts Dick’s escrima stick in half with his sword* Too bad “first” doesn’t equal “competent”, Grayson –

Red Robin: *tackles and pins Damian to the ground with his bo staff* To be fair, Dick’s probably the most competent among all of us when to comes to this thing, but since apparently it’s a competition –

Spoiler: *caresses Tim’s face, which causes him to drop his weapon* Are you really gonna compete with me, Timmy…? Psych! *sweep-kicks Tim, causing him to fall to the ground*

@dangerous-doodle : *walks into the room*

The Robins: *hide their weapons in 0.2 seconds flat* Hey, you…!

@dangerous-doodle: …

Oracle: *facepalming in embarrasment* We talked about this.

Oracle: You know what? Fine. Cass? Duke? You can go first.

Cass and Duke: *run towards @dangerous-doodle for a hug*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~

It’s not you who you should be worrying about, @dangerous-doodle .

The question is, would any of the Batkids prank Bruce on April 1st?

Bruce: *walks around the Manor to check on his kids*

Dick: *on his bed, cutting his toenails and admiring how shiny they are*

Jason: *in the library, arranging the books by author*

Tim: *by the pool, playing online D&D with his Young Justice teammates*

Damian: *in the backyard, doing drills with Titus*

Cass: *in the dance studio, practicing some ballet moves*

Steph: *in the kitchen, making a mess with the waffle maker*

Bruce: What are you doing he– Hn. Never mind.

Duke: *in the tennis court, playing with Luke*

Barbara: *in the Batcave, typing on her laptop*

Bruce: *whispers to her* You would tell me, wouldn’t you?

Barbara: *stops typing and raises an eyebrow at him* 

Bruce: Hn. Forget I said anything.

Alfred: *in the front parlor, knitting a Batman onesie*

Bruce: Alf– 

Alfred: *lifts a finger* IF you ask me one more time, Master Bruce, you will have no more cookies for the rest of this year. I don’t care if you cry blood murder. 

Bruce: Hn. *muttering under his breath* At least I know where your loyalty lies.

Alfred: *puts down the onesie* What was that?

Bruce: Nothing. *speed-walks away* 

Bruce: *heads to a secret room*

Bruce: *clears his throat* Brother Eye. Nothing?

Brother Eye: Good morning, Batman. Last scan was 3 minutes, 42 seconds and 5 milliseconds ago. Scanning all surveillance cameras in the Manor and in places frequented  by your children and activating advanced facial recognition now. 0 results. Scanning all forms of digital communication to and from your children’s communication devices now. 0 results. Scanning all travel –

Bruce: Stop. Hn. 

Bruce: *dials a number on his phone*

Clark [on the other end of the line, in Smallville]: *milking a cow* Yeeeello?

Bruce: I’m your best friend, right… ?

Clark: *starting to sweat* Why are you e-even a-asking me that, Bruce?

Meanwhile…

The Batkids: *communicating within the Manor by sign language and passing handwritten notes to each other, evading the surveillance cameras using their training from Batman*  

Dick: Hurry up, guys. Only a matter of time before Superman breaks.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Let’s just say that Bruce gets a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit more paranoid around this time of year. For good reason.

Hey Hood, sorry for impersonating you the other day. But my replica of your suit (and the Ak) suit both work to keep people off and I need groceries. But wanted to say your the best and I will gladly fight your siblings but your the best and don’t forget you got fans backing you if anyone gives you shit in these trying times. Also Alfred’s the best cook ever

Red Hood: First off… Yeah, yeah. Tim showed me the CCTV footage. He said you weren’t that irritating so he knew you weren’t me. That suit is dope, though. Took a few notes for my own. *sprays his glove with sanitizer then fist-bumps @thepoolofthedead *

Red Hood: But, um… I’m all for breaking rules and everything, but that’s… I’m immune to most kinds of… The Lazarus Pit was… I mean, you know… *stares at his boots, sheepish*

Red Hood: I tell you what. You stay at home and I send you a week’s supply of Alfred’s goodies. Maybe I send one of my brothers once in a while to check on you, too. Then you can pick a fight with them from six feet away. Deal?  

*as I’m standing, watching then with tears in my eyes* I wanna hug too

Red Hood: *wobbles over to @jasonsstupidity , nearly tripping in his thick hazmat suit* No, no, don’t, don’t do that. *takes out a Wayne Tech-grade sanitizer from his pocket, sprays it on his glove, and wipes the tears from their eyes* There.

Red Hood: *sheepishly* I’m outta extra protective gear at the moment, but, um… Oh, you know what? *sprays himself vigorously from helmet-to-boots*

Red Hood: *proudly shows off his dripping-wet suit* Eh? Eh? *then hugs them tightly, soaking their clothes in the process* Uhhh, sorry about that… It’s just… This means more to me than you know.    

Jason may not want a hug but please let him know that I would die for him please and thank you (if my username isn’t a dead giveaway that I would die for him)

Red Hood [to @redhoodparker ]: What? What makes you think that? You know what, c’mere. *gestures for them to come closer*

Red Hood: *holds up a hand to stop them* Oh, but first, put this on. *tosses a black hazmat suit with a Batman logo on it and a face shield with pointy ears over to them*

Red Hood: There. *wobbles over to them, making a light squishy sound as the fabric of his thick PVC suit moves*

Red Hood: *exhales contentedly as he finally hugs them tightly* This… This is nice.

Red Hood: …

@redhoodparker : …

Red Hood: It looks like I’m hugging Batman, doesn’t it?

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

At the Watchtower…

Justice League: *watching surveillance, Youtube and news footage on the mainframe computer*

Batman: *walks into the room and sees Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin and Lark (and a bunch of burning buildings and screaming citizens) on the screen*

Superman: *arms crossed*

Wonder Woman: *hands on hips, shaking her head*

Aquaman: *raises an eyebrow*

The Flash: *wide-eyed*

Green Lantern: *biting his lip to suppress a smirk*

Cyborg: Wo-ho-hoooooo.

Batman: Hn.

Batman: Whatever they did, add it to my tab.

Batman: *walks out*

And if you were convinced that Batman went back to work at the Watchtower after walking calmly and collectedly out of that room, then you probably didn’t even consider that he’d run to the teleporters at top speed to get back to Earth and do damage control (a.k.a. give his kids a piece of his mind).