When concern over your sleep-deprived brother leads you to search his room and find a shady, little bag of…

Damian: *grabbing Tim by the lapel and shaking him furiously* Are you on dope, Drake? Are you?

Dick: Because we can help get you clean! There’s counseling, hospitalization –

Jason: And my foot kicking your ass!


For your information, it’s a special coffee formula that can keep him awake for an entire week, but he appreciates you kicking down his door and ransacking his room at three in the morning.

Jason: *faces the camera after watching Tim tackle Damian to the ground as the latter yells insults at the former*

Jason: So, my brothers are, like, fighting all the time and they want me to choose sides. *lights a cigarette and takes a drag* But I can’t. Because they’re both idiots.

Breaking into a top secret facility be like…

Red Hood: There’s no alarm system. Got a credit card?

Red Robin: Why? You’re going to pick the locks?

Red Hood: *pulls a grenade out of his jacket* No. You’re gonna need to pay for the damages.

Breaking into a top secret facility be like…

Red Hood: There’s no alarm system. Got a credit card?

Red Robin: Why? You’re going to pick the locks?

Red Hood: *pulls a grenade out of his jacket* No. You’re gonna need to pay for the damages.

Jason: *tosses a small package* First time you’ve ever held a grenade?

Duke: *catches it with trembling hands* Yes. It was never really a goal of mine.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

This is not how you “bond” with a new family member, Jay.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

“Death of the Family” be like…

Nightwing: Wait a minute… Jay, are you clapping?

Red Hood: Yeah.

Red Robin: So, your hands are free?

Red Hood: Yeah.

Robin: Joker didn’t tie up your hands?

Red Hood: *shrugs* No. He must’ve forgotten.

Batgirl: Do you realize that we’ve been sitting here for 14 hours?

Red Hood: Well, get pissy if you want, guys! But I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent as a family. *sulks*

Dick: Duke, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Duke.

Barbara: Hey, Duke, the Signal.

Tim: Hey, Duke.

Cassandra: *grins*

Damian: *nods in approval*

Steph: Hey, Duke!

Jason: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. Duke, was it?