When you’re back in Gotham City after, y’know, dying and all and you come across some of your father’s frienemies…
Red Hood: *bound and gagged with vines*
Poison Ivy: *unmasks him* Doesn’t he look like Batman’s dead kid?
Catwoman: He looks exactly like that dead boy.
Harley Quinn: *stares dreamily at Jason* You should take that as a compliment, Red, because he was handsome.
Damian: *blocking the entrance to Wayne Manor* Todd, you are no longer part of this family.
Red Hood: But I lived here.
Damian: So did a possum in the rafters.
Red Hood: *peeking from behind a steel crate at Black Mask’s armed henchmen, who are searching the premises for them*
Red Robin: *waiting as data from the mainframe computer downloads onto a portable device*
Red Hood: *reloads his guns*
Red Hood: Timbo, how much do you trust me?
Red Robin: Probably more than I should.
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin [on the Comm Link]: You can fire us both for insubordination if you want, but we’ve got this.
Batman: *hears an explosion in the background*
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Batboys out. *click*
Red Robin: *click*
Batman:
Batman: *groans*
Red Robin: Your book was a bomb.
Red Hood: *slams Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” shut and gets up from his seat* Who are you to criticize my life’s work?!
Red Robin: Your book was a bomb. It exploded.
Red Hood: Oh.
Red Hood: *goes back to reading*
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Way to mix your interests, Jay.
At a Batfamily meeting…
Red Hood: *suggests a way to infiltrate a supervillain’s lair*
Robin: Well, Todd, that idea might make a stupid idea feel better about itself.
Tim: Do you know that you have a “tell” when you lie?
Jason: Oh, do I?
Tim: You answer questions with questions.
Jason: Maybe I know I have a tell and I know you know I have a tell, and maybe I’m doing it now to confuse you because you don’t know what tell I’m telling.
Tim: *stares blankly into the camera like he’s on “The Office”
Dick: I can’t believe Tim’s sleeping.
Jason: I had the Little Brat give him two Valiums.
Dick: Why? Was he in a lot of pain?
Jason: Nah. He just wouldn’t shut up.
Trying to avoid your father around the Manor be like…
Jason: *palpates a spot on the wall, then places his ear against it*
Dick: You know, you’re gonna have to see Bruce eventually.
Jason: No, I don’t, ‘cause I know the layout to the air-duct system here like the back of my hand
Sharing a bedroom with your brother be like…
Jason [to Dick and Damian]: *gestures to Tim* … So he was up all night with a high fever, cramping and crying.
Tim: *indignant, spilling over his coffee* Dude!
Jason: Oh, my bad. Not crying. Punching the wall all manly-and-angry-like.
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