How to “borrow” your brother’s stuff…
Tim: Jason, where’s my radiation suit?
Jason: *placing duct tape over the Red Robin logo of the suit he’s wearing* How the heck should I know?
Tag: jason todd
Tim: *whispering* What’s your hurry?
Jason: *grabbing his leather jacket and kicking three-day-old garbage underneath the sofa* This place is depressing.
Dick: *yelling from the kitchen* Hey! I live here!
Jason: *yelling back* And I’m sure it’s a blast once you get used to it!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Maybe if you cleaned up once in a while before these family visits, Nightwing…
Teaching your older brother an ancient form of meditation sacred to a line of assassins be like…
Damian: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
Jason: Okay.
Damian: Embrace nothingness.
Jason: You got it.
Damian: Become like an uncarved stone.
Jason: Done.
Damian: Todd! You’re just pretending to know what I’m talking about!
Jason: True.
Damian: -Tt- It’s very frustrating!
Jason: I’ll bet.
When you ask your adoptive son how you can make up for all those lost years and he eagerly pulls out the new “Batman: Arkham Knight” game…
Jason: In the hunky robotic suit with adorable pointy ears, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this Manor, the amazeballs Jason Todd! *whistles and cheers*
Bruce: Hn.
Jason: And in the black, leather BatSpanx, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats – oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by –
Bruce: Must you do this every time?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
That he must, Bats. That he must.
Oooh… “lost years”. Get it?
Mornings at the Batcave…
Tim: *downing a cup of espresso* Okay, we all know why we’re here, right?
Dick: *still in just boxer shorts, yawning and shaking his head*
Jason: *groans* No. Why?
Tim: To fight Damian, the bully. That tiny tween has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can’t promise you victory. I can’t promise you good times. But the one thing I do know –
Dick and Jason: *head back to the Manor*
Tim: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
Tim: Jay, why did you take the blame?
Jason: I didn’t want you to wreck your life. You’ve got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I’ll be right there to borrow money.
When your brother tries to convince you to perform a death-defying, two-man maneuver with him…
Red Hood: Dick, that’s acrobat stuff. I don’t have the expertise.
Nightwing: Jay, any idiot can be an acrobat.
Red Hood: I know, I just think –
Nightwing: I knew you thought that! I knew it.
Red Hood: You tricked me!
When you just can’t say no to a brother in need…
Nightwing: I’ll do it.
Red Hood: I knew you would. You’re very predictable.
Nightwing & Red Hood: No, I’m not.
Nightwing & Red Hood: Stop doing that!
Nightwing & Red Hood: Peanut butter egg cereal.
Jason: Wow. Little Timmy, the new CEO of Wayne Enterprises. I feel so full of… What’s the opposite of shame?
Dick: Pride?
Jason: No, not that far from shame.
Dick: Less shame?
Jason: *beaming with pride* Yeah.
At a Wayne Foundation gala…
Tim: So how come you don’t have to get all dressed up?
Jason: I am dressed up. You see any holes in these pants?
Or blood. He is dressed up, Timbo.
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