When one of Batman’s sons is brought in for questioning…
Commisioner Gordon: Are the cuffs really neccessary?
GCPD Officer: He broke both of Officer Wu’s arms, Sir –
Gordon: He what?!
Officer: – while shouting, “Wooo”.
Red Hood: Happy coincidence.
Gordon: Mr. Hood, do we have to sedate you?
Red Hood: Well, I wouldn’t say no to a drink.
Tag: jason todd
What Batman’s day is really like…
Dick: *watching on as one of his brothers does something*
Dick: Bruce? Did you just see – ?
Bruce: Yes. I’ll deal with that tomorrow.
Mission on a remote island…
Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!
Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!
Nightwing: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.
Red Hood: I agree, except replace the word “non” with “extremely”, and after the word “violent”, include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire"!
Trying to get your brother to make healthier choices be like…
Nightwing: *laying the blueprint for a warehouse across the street on the rooftop deck*
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment*
Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash*
Red Hood: *coughs*
Red Robin: Wait a second, are you smoking inside of your helment again?
Red Hood: What? No.
Red Hood: *tries to stifle another cough as smoke comes out of the vents in his helmet* Oops.
Nightwing: *locating Alfred on his communicator* I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Red Hood: None.
Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin: *glare at him*
Red Hood: Okay, five… or more. Baker’s dozen at most.
Robin: Do you even know how many there are in a baker’s dozen, Todd?
Red Hood: By my count? Forty-eight.
Dick: *leaning over the sofa in the Wayne Manor library* Wow, Little Wing, you were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?
Jason: *yawning and stretching, swiftly catching the novel that falls from his chest as he gets up* Nothing. I don’t like to dream. I try not to think while I’m sleeping.
Damian: *not looking up from the novel he’s reading at the other side of the room* That’s pretty much how you function while you’re awake, too.
Post-mission debriefing…
Batman: *listening*
Nightwing: At first, it didn’t seem physically possible.
Red Robin: But modern-day technology makes anything possible. It was as easy as Shake-‘N-Bake!
Red Hood: *wiggles eyebrows* And I helped.
Robin: Actually, Todd, I don’t really know if snickering in the corner all night like a prepubescent monkey actually qualifies as help, but it sure was entertaining.
Red Hood: Look, I don’t know who this “Jason” you’re talking about is, but it’s not me, alright? There must be, like, a billion Jasons in Gotham alone, so you’re clearly mistaken –
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: Master Jason, this chocolate bouquet on your bed addressed to *sound of a greeting card flipping open* @abundanceofopals, shall I wipe the bloodstains off of it or –
Red Hood: *shuts the Comm Link and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck* Uhhh.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He’s blushing so hard that he’s as red as the mask covering his face, trust me. Thank you so much, @abundanceofopals! You have a nice day, too!
Red Hood: Hey, @shywritersblogsworld , you know what else gives you life? The Lazaru–
Robin: *shoves Jason out of the way* Lame! Try using a Chaos Sha–
Red Robin: Well, there’s also teleporting.
Red Hood and Robin: *slowly turn their heads towards Tim and glare at him*
Red Hood: You did not just say what I thought you said.
Robin: That. Doesn’t. Count. Drake.
Red Robin: But I –
Red Hood: Didn’t actually die!
Robin: *fist-bumps Jason* Thank you, Todd!
Red Robin: I just cannot catch a break with you guys!
Nightwing: *listening to his younger brothers bickering* You know what? I’m not even gonna… Let’s just get out of here. *puts an arm around @shywritersblogsworld and leads them out of the room*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Thank you, @shywritersblogsworld ! Thanks for dropping by!
Breakfast at the Manor…
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Jason: *turns his seat to face @rayanyamor*And you felt the need to point it out because…?
Alfred: *conficates Jason’s Pop-Tarts and starts passing out plates of blueberry waffles to everyone at the table* Young masters, I implore you to let our guest have breakfast in peace.
Jason: Alf, wha–
Tim: *pops coffee beans into his mouth* But it’s a legit question, though.
Damian: *climbs on top of the kitchen table and brings his face so close to @rayanyamor’s that they’re practically nose-to-nose* What makes you so sure that we weren’t referring to another Robin?
Dick: *walks into the kitchen already eating from a cereal box* Good morning, family! What’re we talking about now? And where’s Dune?
Me: *drags my hand down my face in anguish* It was a typo. A typo.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Thank you, @rayanyamor !
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 