IMAGINE:Batman at his work station in the Hall of Justice and one of the other Justice League members trying to get him to hang out with everyone else.
A Guide By Tim Drake Wayne PhD (Department of Family Dysfunction)
1. Sedate the wild Damian.
The wild Damian, or Demonicus damiansis, can often be found in one of two places – in his chambers, where he can be found painting, meditating, or grooming his animals, or in the Cave, pestering his progenitor.
2. Approach the wild Damian
This is best done with food. The creature is most attracted to hummus and pita bread, but is also partial to peanuts.
3. Avoid the Mother-Brother (Lovebugis dickus)
It should be noted that the Damian is a juvenile, and is thus under the protection of a most hysterical mother-brother amalgamation. This creature is called Dick Grayson, and should be carefully dealt with.
4. Distract the Mother-Brother
The Dick Grayson ceature can be drawn away with mention of another sibling-creature, notably, the Jaybird littlewingus.
5. Lure the Wild Damian
Now alone, it is easy to lure the wild Damian with the tantalizing hummus and pita meal. For maximum trust, claim that the meal was sent by the grandfather – Alfredus nobilis.
6. Act Quickly!
Now spring your trap! Quickly pounce upon and tie the Damian up, and hang him upside down from the coat rack.
Escape quickly, lest the Dick Grayson returns, for he is sure to be vexed.
Alfred: *throws hands up in exasperation as the five-course dinner he prepared grows cold* Well, the boys are off. I wonder where they went.
Bruce: Out of town.
Alfred: How do you know, Master Bruce?
Bruce: I told them not to.
Jason: *oblivious to the remnants of the scrumptuous five-course meal he just devoured hanging off the corner of his mouth as realization dawns on him* Son of a bat…
Dick: Right?
Tim: It didn’t seem suspicious to you? At all?
Damian: -Tt- Reverse psychology. I wouldn’t put it past Father.
Duke: Or is it reverse-reverse psychology… ?
Alfred: *grinning smugly while placing a slice of homemade blueberry mousse in front of each of them* Does it really matter, young masters?
Jason [about Tim and Damian]: So, my brothers are, like, fighting all the time, and they want me to choose a side. But I can’t, because they’re both idiots.
IMAGINE:Timothy Jackson Drake, brave (and heavily caffeinated) leader of the Teen Titans, just saying it like it is.
IMAGINE:Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian, sitting on Batman’s Batcomputer chair in the Batcave whenever Bruce either disappears or tells them they can’t go on patrol with him.
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