When you tell your little brother about the time you messed up during your tenure as the Teen Titans’ leader…
Tim: People think that I’m smart, but I’m not smart.
Damian: Who thinks that you’re smart?
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Imagine: Dick listening as Bruce gives instructions, then noticing Jason and Damian sneaking into the Batmobile.
Good older brothers don’t tattle.
Red Hood: *horrified, slowly backing away from the rest of the Batfamily*
Red Hood: One near-death experience and you go all warm and cuddly on me?!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
First of all, near-death? Well, they’ve seen you go through death-death, so. Secondly, come on. Admit it, Jay. You’re horrified at how much you appreciate it.
At the Watchtower…
Batman and Superman: *watching footage of Nightwing fighting a horde of alien assassins in Blüdhaven*
Batman:
Batman: *walks away*
Superman: Where are you going? Dick needs our help.
Batman: He will be fine.
Superman: How do you know?
Batman: Because I trained him.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Batman, internally: Also, Clark, what makes you think that I’m not walking away to speak with Alfred in private and ask him to round up my other children to come help out their big brother, my eldest son?
Commissioner Gordon: *throws his hands up in frustration* It’s a theory!
Batman: *crouching on a gargoyle* It’s my gut.
Commissioner Gordon: Does your gut have any evidence we can bring to a prosecutor?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Don’t believe him, Jim. “Gut” actually stands for “I’ve done all the research humanly possible for this particular matter and I don’t have time to explain all of it to you right now. Plus, I really prefer to keep my work a secret.”
Post-patrol Movie Night at the Manor…
Now Showing: “Under the Red Hood” (2010)
Red Robin: Are you… crying?
Red Hood: *vigorously wiping away his tears using Tim’s cape* What are you, a robot? It’s a deeply emotional movie!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Oh, sorry, did it say “movie”? I meant family home video.
When your youngest brother wants to show you his appreciation…
Dick: You’re giving us… stickers?
Damian: Not just any sticker. Those are stickers of a kitty saying, “Me-wow!”.
Tim: We’re not preschoolers.
Damian: Fine, I’ll take them all back.
Jason: I earned this! Back off!
Red Hood: *struggling to disarm motion-triggered, exploding handcuffs with a lock-pick*
Red Robin: *swiftly removes his handcuffs once the henchman leaves the room and starts working on Jason’s*
Red Hood: What th-
Red Robin: Remember when you called me a “nerd” before? Get ready to apologize.
Jason [about Damian]: The kid’s a smart-ass!
Alfred: *muttering* Takes one to know one.
Bruce [about Damian]: I have no idea what’s gotten into him.
Alfred: Really? He reminds me of somebody else I know… Let’s see: He’s haughty, stubborn, temperamental, and loyal to a fault. He’s you, Bruce.
Bruce: That’s disturbingly insightful.
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