In the Batmobile, heading home…
Batman: How long until we intercept Alfred?
Nightwing: Three minutes.
Batman: We run every red light.
Meanwhile, at the Manor…
Alfred: *preparing to make the dreaded cucumber sandwiches as a post-patrol snack *
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
To learn more about these “cukewiches”, check out Trinity (2008) #10 and Batman (2016) #16.
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *ranting about how his Nightwing suit’s starting to tighten around his hips and thighs*
Jason: I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.
When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…
Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –
Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*
Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*
Tim: *wakes up*
Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*
Bruce: *freezes up*
Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*
Detective Montoya: What are you doing, Red?! You just blew my cover!
Red Hood: Or did I save your life?
Montoya: Or did you compromise an investigation and piss off a police officer?!
Red Hood: I’m sensing from your tone it’s that one.
Me: *starts to say something*
My friends:
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Note: So, I accidentally typed “Tood” instead of “Todd”, and realized this only because I was gonna replace “Jason Todd” with “Red Hood”. Why can’t it be both, right? Typo stays.
Dick: Hey, Jay, a penny for your thoughts?
Jason: How about a dime to leave me alone?
When you’re frustrated with your seemingly unfeeling adoptive father…
Red Hood: *internally pulling his teeth out* Alfred gave you some tools to be a quasi-human, Bruce! You just have to use them!
Batman:
Red Hood: *externally screams*
Robin [to Red Robin]: Father asked me to help you with a non-existent test… ?
Red Hood [to Nightwing]: And Bruce asked me to pal around with you for a “mission” in Ireland…
Alfred: It’s a little “Parent Trap”, young masters. Your father was trying to create some peace in the Batcave.
Assassin androids: *closing in*
Red Hood: *feeling his empty pockets for spare ammo and finding none* Yeah, well, I have a plan.
Red Robin: Dodging bullets is not a plan!
Batman (Dick): First thing when you want to get something out of someone: make them comfortable. Don’t say anything blunt or harsh. In other words, Little D, don’t be yourself too much.
Robin (Damian): I’d be offended if it weren’t so true.
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