When you’re short on cash but need to load up your vigilante arsenal…
Red Hood: Wait, fine, my credit is bad. Do you accept street cred?
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Trying to get a feel for whether your brother was being serious or sarcastic…
Tim [to Dick, about Jason]: He seemed really sincere, like when he tells me he hates my face.
Dick: *opens his arms widely* Have another hug.
Jason: I don’t want another hug. I’ve had four.
It’s probably more for him than it is for you, so just let him have this, Jay.
Teaching your little brother (who was raised by assassins in a mountain far away) about sports be like…
Dick: *setting up the rims and nets*
Jason: *dribbling the balls*
Tim: *configuring the shot clock*
Damian: *putting on his cleats* I’ve never played basketball. I’m certain I’ll pick it up. Who’s going to be goalie?
Batfamily Workshops be like…
Nightwing: Rule #364 with a baby, don’t use it as a human shield.
The rest of the Batfamily: *nod solemnly*
Giving a tour of Wayne Manor be like…
Jason: In Gotham, we have an expression, “Keep Calm and Don’t Mention Uncle Batsy in the Basement”.
Jason: But that might just be my family.
When it’s Family Patrol Night but you decide to grab a quick drink at a nearby bar first…
Batman: *glaring*
Red Hood: I’m not late, Bruce. It’s 9:18, which is practically 9:15, which is basically 9. If anything, I’m early.
Tim: *mumbles incoherently*
Jason: *walks past him*
Jason: *takes a few steps back*
Jason: I’m giving you the silent treatment, by the way. That’s why I walked right by you and didn’t respond.
Jay, you do realize that Timmy’s probably too sleep-deprived to even remember that you’re pissed at him for some reason, right? Also, that’s not how you do “mad”.
When you’re trying to give your youngest son the “birds and bees” talk but your other sons want to stick around to see how it goes…
Bruce [to Damian]: *opens mouth to talk*
Bruce: *hears a camera shutter sound*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: *opens mouth to talk again*
Bruce: *notices the reflection of three heads peeking from a crevice in the cave on the Batcomputer screen*
Bruce [to Damian]: Oh, good, everyone’s in here. I was worried we’d have a private conversation for once.
A voice from the crevice: You’re welcome, Bruce!
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *brushes his teeth*
Jason: *pauses*
Jason: *exasperated sigh*
Jason [to Dick]: You’re flirting with your reflection again. Cut it out.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And that is why “NEW BATHROOM – Jason” is a suggestion found in the Wayne Manor Home Improvement suggestion box (set up by Alfred).
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