When your youngest brother’s best friend comes by to visit the Manor…
Jon: *checking out the Red Hood helmet with his X-ray vision* Jason, you are the coolest adult ever!
Jason: Wow. I’ve never been called an adult before, but I’ve been tried as one.
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: All right, brat. I’ll give you back your tofu, but first you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Damian: No.
Jason: All right, then just give me back my breakfast.
Damian: *pauses from giving Batcow the omelette and glares at Jason*
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Ya started it, Jay.
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: Hey, hands off my pickle, brat!
Damian: I don’t see your name on it, Todd!
Jason: No, but – *grabs the pickle and licks it*
Damian: Oh, yeah? *grabs it back and dunks it in his milk* Checkmate.
Jason: Huh. Always thinking two moves ahead.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Quit playing with your food, kids.
Dick [to Jason, Tim, and Damian]: Family. Nothing else matters.
Bruce: Dick?
Dick: It’s Bruce. Hide!
Flirting with Red Robin…
Steph: *wearing a sexy new Spoiler uniform* Do you like my outfit?
Tim: Not as much as I like what’s underneath it.
Steph: *blushing* Tim!
Tim: No, I need your chair. Get up.
Jason: How many Catwomen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Bruce: How many?
Jason: None, because she’s got you to do that, sucker!
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *pours Damian a cup of coffee* Sugar?
Damian: Yes, ten lumps, please.
Tim: *with bloodshot eyes and shaking uncontrollably* Hey, Golden Boy, top me off!
Dick: Are you sure Alfred still lets you drink coffee, Tim?
Tim: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
And for the last time, Timothy, no.
Why certain family celebrations are avoided at Wayne Manor…
* upside-down, blurry images of a four-foot-something-tall adolescent boy pouncing on a scrawny teenage guy; a muffled mixture of screaming and hooting sounds in the background; a gruff voice angrily yelling, “Enough!” *
Duke: *tries to hold the camera steady*
Duke: Aaaaand the birthday video becomes a nature film.
When your billionaire father’s also a vigilante who doesn’t have time to ponder how much gifts for teenagers cost…
Tim: Bruce, um, can I have some money to buy Damian a birthday present?
Bruce: Here you go.
Tim: *counts the money* Bruce, this is $110!
Bruce: Oh, sorry. *hands him the whole wallet*
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
Maybe he’s trying to keep you from sneaking out and going to Kent Farm at 3 AM again? *shrugs*
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