Imagine: Tim’s babysitting Damian, and that’s Jon on the phone…
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Have you considered: April 1st in the Wayne Household. There’s only One Rule, don’t prank Alfred
Tim: *walks into the Wayne Manor library with a Bubble Boy suit on*
Jason:
Tim: Go on. Lemme have it.
Jason: *looks up from the book he’s reading* Excuse me?
Tim: I’m ready.
Jason: For… ?
Tim: *smirks* You tell me.
Jason: Ohh kay. *goes back to reading his book*
Tim: *in a singsong voice* I don’t have all day, Jay. Patrol’s gonna be crazy, you know how it is on this day. But I really wanna make the most of it this year, so I’m giving you a chance. *arms wide open* I’m heeeeere.
Jason: *shuts his book and sighs* Look, Timbo, if you’re having one of your “moments", I can –
Tim: *chuckles and points at him* Ohhh ohhh you’re good. You’re really good.
Jason: *exasperated* At what? What is this about, Tim?
Tim: Come ooon, man! *looks at the ceiling, as if expecting something to drop down from there* Don’t let me down this year, Jay. I came up with an algorithm and made a suit and everything.
Jason: You know what, you’re making me uncomfortable, so… *gets up from the couch* Imma head out.
Tim: *wobbles towards him, tripping over his suit* No, no, no, no, wait! Jay! Jason! Peter! I’m good! You can do whatever you want! Name it, I’m ready for it! Team up with the little brat if you have to – *voice gets drowned out by Jason shutting the door*
Jason: *shakes his head and dials a number on his mobile phone*
Jason: Hey. It’s me. Yeah, about that… *looks around to make sure no one’s listening*
Jason: *chuckles* He’s so sleep-deprived that he’s a day early. We might have to step up our game, though.
Damain [on the other end of the line]: -Tt-
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
In all seriousness, stay safe on the 1st, kids. Maybe Rule Number 2 is no COVID-19-related pranks, yeah?
Dick: *rubbing his chin thoughtfully* Well, maybe this year it’s different. Maybe he actually wants to be part of the fun.
Jason: *rolls eyes* Yeah, and I’ve never done anything illegal in my life.
Damian: Grayson, I expected more from you.
Tim: *looking disheveled after surviving whatever Jason and Damian had in store for him earlier in the day* Hold on, hold on… Dick’s right. I mean, how well do we really know Bruce anyway?
Duke: But isn’t this a little extreme?
Steph: *scoffs* What, like that’s not his style?
Duke: You’ve got a point.
Cass: … Or we could just ask Alfred?
Babs: Do you honestly think that he wouldn’t be in on this?
All of them: *staring at an empty, tattered, and bloody Batman suit sprawled on the Batcave floor*
Meanwhile…
Alfred: *in his room, shaking his head while looking at April 1 on his calendar* Oh, Master Bruce.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Could be real, could be a prank. What do you guys think?
Bruce: I was just thinking, when my time comes –
Dick: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Listen to me. When my time comes, I want to be buried at sea.
Tim: You what?
Bruce: I want to be buried at sea. It looks like fun.
Jason: Define “fun”.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Also, you might want to have a word with Arthur about that.
The biggest lie Batman ever told himself: I’ve already had one Robin. Another won’t be a problem.
When you discover a tracking device in your suit…
Dick: You’re having separation anxiety, Damian. Admit it.
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: I admit, I sleep better with that little red dot telling me where you are.
Timothy Jackson Drake, a saga…
Batman: Robin. Are you sleeping while on patrol?
Robin: Uh, uh… No! There’s, uh… a… bug in my eye and I’m trying to suffocate it.
When you just can’t say no to a brother in need…
Nightwing: I’ll do it.
Red Hood: I knew you would. You’re very predictable.
Nightwing & Red Hood: No, I’m not.
Nightwing & Red Hood: Stop doing that!
Nightwing & Red Hood: Peanut butter egg cereal.
Visiting your older brother’s Blüdhaven apartment be like…
Red Hood: *spits out his drink* What kind of tea is this?
Dick: *heating leftovers in the kitchen* Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.
Have you considered: April 1st in the Wayne Household. There’s only One Rule, don’t prank Alfred
Tim: *walks into the Wayne Manor library with a Bubble Boy suit on*
Jason:
Tim: Go on. Lemme have it.
Jason: *looks up from the book he’s reading* Excuse me?
Tim: I’m ready.
Jason: For… ?
Tim: *smirks* You tell me.
Jason: Ohh kay. *goes back to reading his book*
Tim: *in a singsong voice* I don’t have all day, Jay. Patrol’s gonna be crazy, you know how it is on this day. But I really wanna make the most of it this year, so I’m giving you a chance. *arms wide open* I’m heeeeere.
Jason: *shuts his book and sighs* Look, Timbo, if you’re having one of your “moments", I can –
Tim: *chuckles and points at him* Ohhh ohhh you’re good. You’re really good.
Jason: *exasperated* At what? What is this about, Tim?
Tim: Come ooon, man! *looks at the ceiling, as if expecting something to drop down from there* Don’t let me down this year, Jay. I came up with an algorithm and made a suit and everything.
Jason: You know what, you’re making me uncomfortable, so… *gets up from the couch* Imma head out.
Tim: *wobbles towards him, tripping over his suit* No, no, no, no, wait! Jay! Jason! Peter! I’m good! You can do whatever you want! Name it, I’m ready for it! Team up with the little brat if you have to – *voice gets drowned out by Jason shutting the door*
Jason: *shakes his head and dials a number on his mobile phone*
Jason: Hey. It’s me. Yeah, about that… *looks around to make sure no one’s listening*
Jason: *chuckles* He’s so sleep-deprived that he’s a day early. We might have to step up our game, though.
Damain [on the other end of the line]: -Tt-
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
In all seriousness, stay safe on the 1st, kids. Maybe Rule Number 2 is no COVID-19-related pranks, yeah?
After a supervillain gives an incredibly long monologue about his plan to take over Gotham City…
Red Hood: *deadpan* Well, you have found my “flabbergast” button. And guess what? You just pressed it.
It’s like “bamboozled” all over again.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 