Alfred: *walks into the Batcave with a tray of cookies*
Alfred: *stands still as a black-haired boy excitedly runs past him and out of the cave carrying a Robin uniform*
Bruce: I’m just trying to prepare him.
Alfred: For what, therapy?
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Superman: *grinning and offering to shake his hand* Damian. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.
Robin: I imagine it is.
At a bar…
Bartender: Where’d you get that jacket?
Jason: *sips beer* I was buried in it.
Bartender:
Bartender: *awkwardly moves away*
“Battle for the Cowl” AU be like…
Tim: You know what, Dick? You shouldn’t be making these decisions anyway, okay? You’re not the decision-making type. As the brains of this family, I should have made this decision.
Dick: Hey, whoa, whoa, I’m sorry. Since when did you become the brains?
Tim: Uhh… I’m sorry? I’ve always been the brains.
Dick: What?! What are you talking about? I thought I was the brains. What the heck am I?
Tim: You’re the looks.
Dick: Well, yeah, of course I’m the looks. But I always thought of myself as the brains and the looks.
Tim: No, you’re the looks, I’m the brains, and Jason is the wildcard.
On a train, in pursuit of some thugs…
Red Hood: You see how their legs broke? That’s because they didn’t use the parachute fall. Which I don’t have time to teach you properly, but –
Spoiler: Why would you want to?
Red Hood: I – because I take pride in my work?
Spoiler: Why would you teach it to me it at all?!
Red Hood: Oh!
Red Hood: We gotta jump off the train.
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
Tim: I worry about his maturity level.
Dick: Don’t. Damian is very responsible –
Tim: I was talking about Jason.
Superman: Hey, fathers are allowed to keep some secrets.
Batman: Hn. Like which Robin’s their favorite.
Dick [to Jason, Tim, and Damian]: Family. Nothing else matters.
Bruce: Dick?
Dick: It’s Bruce. Hide!
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 